I have never felt so bad

My beautiful, perfect husband died last June and I was devastated. I have been missing him so badly ever since then and have often spent the evenings crying my eyes out.
Tonight, that has gone to another level. I am sobbing, even as I write this. I have to keep going back and correcting things that I have written incorrectly through my tears. I don’t know how to cope with how bad I feel.

4 Likes

Hi Ann,

My father passed away a year before your husband. It was also out of nowhere and sudden.

My mom is probably around your age. They had also been married for 54 years.

There is no way around grief. We live through it. When you feel extreme emotions and want to cry and cry, that is 100% normal. Even if you feel hysterical and can not control it.

My mom still cries many days. She can not share it with me as often as she used to do because … because I have to live life because I am still alive and have a family. There is no other choice. We must live our lives. She knows that.

That said, at 6 months / 8 months / 10 months - I was there for every emotion that she felt. It is hard Ann. i understand you completely.

Just cry and let it happen. You will be ok again soon. The waves come and they go. Its just what it is.

I am so sorry for your pain.

1 Like

Hi Anne, I’m so sorry for your loss and I know exactly how you feel. I cry on a daily basis and I’m constantly sad. Sometimes the crying is uncontrollable and I don’t know what to do with myself. I find it helps to cry down the phone to someone as the talking calms me down. The night meltdowns are worse because people are asleep and you don’t want to trouble them with your problems. I went to bed at 1 ish this morning and again my body woke me up at 2.45am with a cold sweat, the shakes and jitters. Not calm enough to sleep after that so tossed and turned, shaking all the time. Finally got up to endure another sad, lonely, seemingly never-ending day! I think that I’ve clearly developed anxiety issues, not only because I’ve lost the love of my life but also because I will need to sell up the lovely home I had made here with Guy and move back up north where my family and friends are. This all adds to the formation of the big-time problems I’m experiencing. Message me any time Anne. Love Elfy(Guy’s nickname for me)

Hello Ann, I’m so sorry you feel like this. Thank you for cheering me up on many occasions. I wish I could do the same for you.

I’m a druggie now which is something I thought I’d never do but it is very surprisingly helping. I feel sad but not overwhelming despair. I feel a bit more like me in a terrible situation instead of someone unknown in hell. Of course it’s only a week or so that I started to feel the effects and I don’t know if it will last but so far anti depressants are helping me survive. is it maybe an option for you to consider if not already? I developed severe anxiety severe depression and ptsd following my husband’s death. These are not made up illnesses but because its illnesses in your brain chemistry you don’t think it’s real but just like with body stuff sometimes a dr and medical intervention may help.

I hope you can get a warm drink and find something to give you some relief today. Take care, you are an important part of our group xxxxxx

1 Like

Thank you so much for that. I am a little calmer today which is a relief. I am sorry that your mum is suffering too. So many people are, and it’s hard to comfort them.
Yes, of course you must get on with your life. I have two married daughters and grandchildren, and I encourage them to do just that, my life has changed in a way I never could imagine, but theirs must not.
I hope you and your family are enjoying Easter, I am being collected later by the daughter in my bubble, and will be having dinner with her and the family. That will be a huge help today.

3 Likes

Hi Elfy
You poor love. You sound in a worse state than me, and yet you still took the time to write to me. That was well above the call of duty.
I am so sorry your body is reacting in the way it is. That must be a nightmare. I don’t know what to say except something my Dad used to say, and which I tell myself often. He said, ‘when you’re that far down, the only way is up’.
Let’s hope he’s right! Sending you a big hug.

3 Likes

Dear Fleur
You said you wished you could cheer me up. Well, you have! Your kind words and constant support make a huge difference, and saying I am an important part of the group was so lovely.
You are right about medication. As a retired Border Force officer, I know all about drugs and have so far avoided them, probably because of my loathing of them in my job. It can be a slippery slope. (By the way, I had to smile when you described yourself as a druggie. It’s safe to say you are far from that!) I think, for me, having struggled for over nine months now, and not improving, I might contact the doctor and see if anything can be done. I might become a druggie with you!
Thank you again for your friendship and caring. You, and some others on SR have made a big difference to me.

3 Likes

Hi Ann. I know exactly how you feel. 2 and a half years for me and this past week had been like going back to the beginning. I keep thinking of our holidays. Why do I keep remembering them all the time? Is it because J was happiest then? I just don’t know anything anymore except that I am not me anymore. Love and hugs. Xx

1 Like

Hello @Angiejo1. I understand how you feel about holidays. I am only 9 months since losing my lovely husband but with the better weather and lighter nights I too am remembering our holidays. You are right when you say it is probably when we were happiest. Yesterday I looked at our home video of holidays and family visits from about 15 years ago. It all seemed so real and in the moment. It is so hard having to realize that it will never happen again. We can only be thankful that we made such memories.
As everyone on here says - one day at a time…
Love and light. x

It hurts looking back at holidays, doesn’t it? A particular memory for me is us strolling through a beautiful park in Paris on a gorgeous day. There was something special about that day, which ended at the Eiffel Tower at midnight looking at the lights. Wish I had that time machine which has been mentioned!

2 Likes

It’s like your old life is a film you watched. You can see the pictures, remember the storyline but it wasn’t your life - it couldn’t be because your life isn’t like that.

2 Likes

Hi Ann
Just to say I’m feeling just like you ,
I’m just taking 1 day at a time it’s hard , if got a lot of support from hospice on zoom with people in the same possion which is a great help .

Hi Janinelindsay,
Thanks for writing. Yes, it certainly is hard. Like you, I have a lot of support, in my case, my family, as I chose not to do Zoom or anything. To be honest, I can’t think of a single thing that would make us feel better, except having them back, and that is not going to happen.
Take care. Hugs x

2 Likes

I am glad to hear the medication helps!

Makes me interested.

1 Like

2 and a half years for me too. Those happy holiday memories are sheer agony. When people say ‘remember the happy memories’! They have NO idea…

2 Likes
Back to top