I have no idea how to cope

Um I don’t even know where to start
On the 11th August 2019 my mum started being sick all of a sudden so we thought it was just a virus, she just kept getting worse then at 11pm she was struggling to breathe so we took her a and e and when we got their her breathing got worse, they got her in and rushed her to resus straight away, few minutes later a doctor came out and told us she already had one heart attack about a month ago and never knew, then she had another one this night, they rushed her to another hospital because the heart doctor was there that night, when we got their they told us they didn’t think she would make it through the night, but she did! She seemed to be doing really well, then on the 19th she got discharged and sent home so I was really happy and excited! But then the next day she died… I’m completely heartbroken and I don’t know what to say or do, how to act, how to talk to people, I’ve lost my best friend and the person who was always there for me and gave me advice, I’ve felt lost before I lost my nanna in 2016 and grandad in 2017 but I’ve never felt this lost, I have no one left that I can speak to, no one that will listen to me and love me like they did
I just I really don’t know what to do anymore

I’m so sorry to read about the sudden loss of your mum. On june 2nd 2019 my mum who was 74 and apparently fit and healthy started acting a bit strangely. We took her to hospital and they diagnosed a mini stroke. They said she would be fine and discharged her on the 7th june and said she would need a small op to clear a blocked artery. This was done on the 13th june but my mum suffered a sudden bleed on the brain in the recovery room.
She fell into a deep coma and never woke again dying on the 14th june. The shock was incredible as mum was so strong, funny and pretty much ran the house. A post mortem was done which revealed at least 1 heart attack that mum had no idea about as well as a variety of blocked arteries.
Even now, 1 year and 2 months down the line I cannot believe this has happened.
This site has many similar stories and lots of people to talk to which doesnt bring your mum back, but will help you to feel less alone.
The year anniversary is here for you as well which makes it worse. I didnt think the anniversary would affect me but I was a complete mess again in june, although I’m calmer and more resigned a few weeks down the line.
Keep posting and talking. It really does help.
Cheryl x

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Hi. Jadereeves. Welcome to the site. I am truly sorry to hear about your loss. Heartbreaking is nowhere near adequate enough to cover the pain. You were so happy to bring her home then the sudden loss is added to an already fraught situation. Feeling lost, isolated and so alone is what happens at first. To tell you at this moment that the pain does ease will not help. It’s far too soon. What to do? One day at a time or even one hour at a time. It’s all you can do at the moment. I do hope you have support at home. Let your emotions come as they will. Grieving is a process we need go through. You need help and support and you will get it from the kind folk on here who all know and understand.
It’s so good you are here so please come back and talk when you feel the need. Blessings, and be kind to yourself. John.

Oh I’m so sorry for the shocking loss of your lovely mum, it’s heartbreaking reading your post. You have done the right thing positing on here, it’s a great source of support and is helping me through the impending loss of my mum who is in the end stages of her cancer battle.

Like you said you must feel so lost, but your mum will be in your heart forever and her spirit will be around you all the time, watching over you and guiding you through the rest of your life. Take comfort in believing her soul is still with you.

Your local hospital should offer some bereavement counselling, or I would think perhaps the British heart foundation may also offer support to families of loved ones who have died of heart conditions.

I am reading a book called ‘it’s ok to not be ok’ by Megan Devine, all about grief. There are lots of other ones available too, perhaps someone on here can recommend some to you.

Sending you a great big hug, try to remember all the lovely times with your mum and the giggles and good times you had. I hope you have lots of good friends around you to carry you thru. Take all offers of help and advice you can. I hope you are ok x


I feel 100% the same. I just don’t know and people just don’t get it. I feel so darn alone. My mum, my world, my absolute universe is gone and I just don’t know how to be. She was fine, no diseases, no nothing. Was fine the day before and then just dropped dead the following morning without a warning. My heart is so broken and 4 months later I’m just feeling worse and worse. Wish I could give my life to her so she could come back. I just want to wake up from this nightmare and just kiss and hug my mum and never let her go

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Oh that’s dreadful, I’m so sorry. What a shock that you lost her so suddenly. Your heart must be shattered into a thousand pieces. Sending you a huge hug :heart:

This is a great source of support, as people on here are the only ones who know what it’s truly like.

I think it would definitely benefit you to have some counselling. I know without a doubt I would need that in your situation. Your local hospital will have a bereavement team, also there may be online video sessions due to covid, if they are not running as they would have normally done. Do you have siblings you can lean on? I find my sister is the only one who I can properly lean on.

Try to remember all the happy times you had with your lovely mum. She will be with you in spirit, and would want you to try and carry on your life as best you can. Hoping you can heal with time, and learn to navigate a way to carry on. I am truly sorry for your loss x

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