It’s nearly three years since my husband passed
We we’re together 51 years
Without him I have nothing to live for, nothing to look forward to, just one long empty day followed by another
I don’t get much sleep so my waking day can be twenty hours or more long
I’m 73 years old and I shudder at the idea of a possible span of 20 more awful empty years ahead of me
No one cares, I have no one
It’s nearly three years since my husband passed
We care Glenny…everyone using this site cares and empathsizes across the ether! I know it’s nowhere near enough but even though we don’t know each other we ARE here! Like you, I have many long days which I try to fill…some days I am slightly more successful than others…but I try not to think about tomorrow whilst I am getting through today! Three years is a long time to be coping with aloneness…but you have got through that time and that is a real achievement. Try to live in the moment if you can because sometimes we only have enough energy and resilience to live one day at a time. Take care…with love from another “aloner”! x
Thankyou for that, but it’s the total lack of normal human contact that I’m struggling with.
I sit in cafes, I’m training as a volunteer, I shop daily for food so there are people all around me, but not one of them is mine.
I’m fit and fairly youthful considering my age, but I struggle with a sense of dread and I see no way forward.
Glenny. I was touched by the phrase you use - “There are people around me, but not one of them is mine.” You sound like a lady of resilience and perseverance but no amount of personal strength cancels out the feeling of aloneness does it. It’s a special yet painful aloneness all at the same time. It reminds me of the words to that old song … “There goes my reason for living, there goes my Everything.” I can’t recall who sang it. I lost my Husband over a year and a half ago and I notice couples mostly in the likes of Tesco and when I’m sitting in the Doctor’s waiting room. They are doing nothing special, just being. Part of me looks on wistfully but part of me thinks how oblivious they are as to what lies ahead. I’m sorry I can’t be more positive but I wanted to acknowledge your post and say I hope the future for you and us all, can be a kind one in time. Take care. Tina.
It’s hard isn’t it, I also acknowledge your own terrible loss
I know I took my wonderful life for granted when he was here
I realised that I was happy but I’d no idea how pointless everything would be without him
I have enough to be comfortable but it means nothing by myself.
I hate being alone but no one else could ever replace him
The only thing I can give to you is my experience. I lost my partner of 20 years 3 years ago: he was the love of my life. I wished for so many months that I would die as well. My life felt meaningless. But, one thing that kept me going was I knew my partner would have wanted me to find a reason to go on. This is a terrible thing, nobody that has not experienced it could possibly understand, we have been given something we aren’t prepared for: be kind to youself.
We all care.
I know we aren’t what you’re looking for, but we are all here on this site - normal people turned into empty shells by this nightmare.
Your feelings are too familiar and I am truly sorry.
I am 55, and we were together 40 years. I don’t know any other life and I can’t imagine what will happen next. I’m taking each day, one at a time, but like you, I can’t see the point.
It’s been 6 months, at the end of April.
I really hope that you can take some comfort by talking here, with people who share the same experiences.
Glenny I am alone also. I lost my dearest friend/partner almost 18 months ago and also my other dear friend who was killed almost at the same time. All I do is cry and if I go away for a weekend alone I miss him terribly and then cry again. I dont have family and was divorced many years ago - I too dread the years ahead of me now.
I am younger and mourn my parents who died less than two years ago. I am single. I now force myself to volunteer since I cannot find a job, attend things that I take myself to, and hope maybe one day I might meet someone. Survivors are given the horrible task of keeping on and going on. Sometimes it seems like it would have been better to have gone with them. But aside from suicide, we do not have that choice. It is hard to have any hopeful attitude in these times. But I always feel better just going to events and talking to people. And I have to let life go as it will.
p.s. there are many people who find someone at a later age. no one wants to be alone. you never know the more people you run into, if you meet someone who also has lost their spouse and wants a friend. so many people do find someone …
Glenny I’m so sorry you feel so desolate and empty, have you thought about rescuing a dog? It will give your life some focus and will give you something to lavish all your love on.
My 2 little dogs save my life every day and are the only thing to bring a smile to my face. I had been married for 50 years when my dear husband died 6 weeks ago and I just can’t come to terms with the suddenness of his going.
Take care of yourself
People do care about but it’s not the same as your special husband who cared about you.
I feel the same, my partner of 47 years died so suddenly. I’m not lonely but I’m so completely alone.
Today is so cold and wet, if he was here we’d have taken the dog out , got soaking wet then come home to hot soup , put the heating on and watched something cosy on T.V. together. We’d have enjoyed the day, how ever bad the weather.
Now I just come home and sit in an empty house until it’s time to go to bed. I went to bed at 8.30 last night and only got up because the dog needed to go out.
I dread the years ahead - I’m 65 and wish I’d gone when my partner did. I can’t find anything to comfort me. Lot’s of love to you J
Really sorry to read your post.
I understand completely though. I want my old life back.
I miss just sitting together in front of the fire. We were together 40 years in May, married 35 years.
I dont know what to do without him. I wish I had an answer
Thank you Carera, it is all so awful for those left behind. It’s the simple things I miss as well, I just expected everyday life to carry on as it was. take care, x
I feel for you J, the life you are living, exactly describes what our life was like when we were together and what my life has turned into without him.
I feel the same, my life is worth nothing without him, no one could ever take his place
I am barely coping xx
Thank you Glenny for replying -
Before this happened I had no idea so many people were in this awful situation we find ourselves in . One of my few comforts has been collecting up some of our precious memories - I’ve managed to put a folder together of photos, cards, little notes he wrote me and tickets from places we went to . I’m desperate to hang on to his memory, take care of yourself J x
Glenny I lost the wonderful lady who was my wife and who I have been in love with since 2nd November 1965, so I know how you feel and I do care. Only wish I had a better answer for you. I know how devastated I feel and it must be the same for you.
With deepest affection.
Bless all of you. The aloneness is horrible. As I said before I lost my partner one year two days ago. I am an only child parents miles away have my tabby cat.
Animals are good company and do help at difficult times.
I don’t feel lonely but I feel so alone without my lifelong partner.
Having family doesn’t always help. I have 2 sisters but it hurts to talk to them they still have their partners and I no longer have mine, their lives are going on as normal.
My brother’s on his own but I can’t talk to him he asks me if " I’ve had a good day" and tells me to be positive, he has no idea what we’re all going through.
This should have been a lovely bank holiday spent at home. Just doing all the everyday things we liked, pottering in the house and garden, doggy walks, picnics and some special dinners. It’s those things I miss so much as I’m sure you do.
take care and I hope you find some comfort in your memories. x J