I have recently suffered the loss of my wife

On 23rd May, I lost my wife to Sarcoma cancer.
She was my entire world. We were so close and to say we were soul mates is putting it mildly. We had the relationship that is basically every cliche imaginable. Now, I feel so lost without her,

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Dear Chris I’m so sorry for your loss. it’s all so unimaginable that we have to go through such pain . I lost my partner 13 weeks ago suddenly it feels like someone flicked a switch and my life as I knew it is completely over . He was my world the love of my life and now he’s gone nothing can take away this pain and I’m sore you feel the same .
Sending you hugs

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Hi Jane. Yes, I understand TOTALLY how you feel. It’s 6 weeks ago today that she passed. and we were only given 3 and half days warning that her cancer was terminal. We went from feeling optimistic to counting down to the inevitable.
How are you coping?

That must have been so devastating for you both life is so cruel . I’m not coping I have been going minute by minute still crying all day for my love . We had so many plans and that’s all gone .
How are you coping ?

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My husband died suddenly- he went out for a run, collapsed and died. We had been together since we were 16 - for 34 years. He was my everything. I feel so lost in the world without him and long for him to hug me. I am a couple of months further on than you. I am still taking it day by day and trying to get out in the fresh air as much as I can because that seems to bring a bit more calm. You can register for counselling but also keep posting here because you will feel that people do understand the grief of losing you partner brings - it is like no other. I still expect him to come in through the door because he’s always been in my life.

I am so sorry to hear that Janet. I can totally relate to how you are suffering.
I’ve just managed to get all the legal stuff sorted now which had kept my mind distracted and busy, but since everything is now all done, the grief is hitting me again like a second wave. I’ve been crying quite a bit today (I’m a 21st Century modern man, totally in touch with my feelings and not afraid to admit it!)
I’m not going to say things like “time is a great healer”, as I have to say I don’t truly believe that myself. It’s just a relief that I can speak to people who actually know the same pain.

Hi Jules and thanks ever so much for sharing the experience.
My wife (Anne-Marie) and I were together for 23 years but married for 19 and half years (as she was just about to start university a few months after when we met).
We have a dog, which I am so grateful for now, as it gives me a reason to get out for a couple of hours a day.
I can totally relate to the feeling of having to tackle literally every day at a time, but as we never had children, I feel so alone (the dog is not really good at holding a conversation, lol), ad find that it’s such a struggle right now.

Chris I can relate to you being a modern man my partner was the same he never held back with me we knew each other so well I think it’s a lovely quality in a man . I didn’t have any things to sort out as his family took over so I feel like I’ve been on the outside looking in . I don’t believe time heals either I know I will never get over this no matter how long he was my future we didn’t really have any friends to speak of cos we had each other . The friends I had have not been very helpful at all . I am so grateful for this site that I found by accident.

My husband would always be the first one crying at a sad film. It’s no good hiding feelings - and especially at this time when everything is so overwhelming. Time doesn’t heal, it just helps us to get used to carrying the weight more. Apparently our ‘new’ life will grow around the gaping hole that losing our soulmate has left.

My wife passed away on 23rd May and it was our anniversary of the date we met on 28th May (in 1998), so I spent the day just watching films we went to see together and spent the whole three hours of Titanic weeping like a baby! (it was the first film we went to see together and was the first time I told her I loved her).
My whole life ended with her and I cannot imagine anything being the same ever again.

I am so thankful I came across this site too. I would never wish this kind of pain on ANYONE, but without sounding horrible, it does seem more comforting that I can speak to people who know how this pain feels! Like yourself, we never really had many friends either, because like you say, we had each other and we were each other’s world and didn’t have room for anyone else.

It definitely helps knowing everyone on here knows exactly how your feeling I wouldn’t wish this on anyone either it’s the worst pain I have ever known. There’s always someone on here too so you can always talk to someone. We didn’t need anyone else we were never apart if we were we’d be texting or phoning or FaceTime now there’s nothing it’s all suddenly gone .

It was our wedding anniversary between him dying and his funeral so I spent it with him at the Chapel of Rest playing some of his favourite songs. A date that used to be one filled with joy has now been turned to one of dread, just like so many other dates on the calendar.

Awwww, I am so sorry to hear about that. That must have been so emotional beyond words for you.

Anne-Marie and I were exactly the same as you guys.

Hi

I’m very much along the same lines as me and my husband Jason were soulmates, it tended to just be us all the time as we didn’t really need anyone else - but now since he’s gone I feel so alone, people promise to be there for you be seen to tail off after the funeral and go back to their own lives. I don’t think they realise just how alone we feel. 8 weeks he’s been gone and sometimes it just feels like yesterday - all I want is for him to come back, give me a cuddle and tell me everything is going to be ok like he normally did - I miss him so so much!!

When people ask you how you are, I’m not sure about you but I normally just say ok ish - not how I’m really feeling as I think they’re just being polite abs they don’t want me pouring my heart out to them. What I really want to do is break down and cry but feel they would run the other way!!

And as everyone else has said it is nice to come on here and chat, knowing you are speaking to other people who totally understand where you are coming from and how you feel, you don’t have to hide anything and that is comforting to know that there is usually someone there - so thank you all for listening when I go off on one……… x

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When people ask how I am, I usually ask if they want an honest answer or do they just want me to say ok? That normally tells them just by me saying that. My closer friends don’t ask me how I am as they know that it is a daft question!

Thank you for sharing your experience. I don’t men this to sound horrible and i mean it in a good way, but I am grateful that people are suffering as much as I am. It is only because it makes it so much easier to speak to people who know exactly how it feels. And as good as they mean well, it is hard to talk to people who don’t share the same feelings. Having that same frame of reference means such a lot.
I have just taken my dog for a walk and as I passed by a neighbours house, they asked me how I am doing. and I thought I could give the British reply and say “Yes, I’m fine”, but thought that as they asked, I’ll just tell them but I bet they won’t dare ask again, lol
I feel that people’s lives seem to have gone back to normal and that makes me feel even more lonely. Then I start to feel guilty, as I find myself feeling like a narcissist (what about me? How can you leave me alone to suffer, etc).

I think it’s natural to think about ourselves when everyone else seems to be going back to ‘normal’. We know that our lives will never, ever be ‘normal’ again and it hurts. What seems harder is that there is nothing we can do about it. We can go out and meet with friends etc. but we can never get back what we loved and cherished.

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I know exactly what you mean Chris . I see couples holding hands laughing and I just think to myself how come they get to be happy like that and mine has been taken away
. I think people just say how are you doing for something to say they don’t really want to know just being polite good for you for saying how your really feeling . I had a couple of friends but I don’t see them anymore they thought I should be ok by now so who needs friends like that I’d rather be alone . . I always had my darling man so we didn’t really have many friends we did everything together I miss him beyond words .
Hugs to everyone

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