I held it together

11weeks ago my Rob passed away very suddenly following a heart attack, in the early hours he had a pain and collapsed and I had to do cpr on him. To cut a long story short . I am a carer and required to complete first aid training every three years. After a discussion with my area manager I asked if I could put my training back and explained it was still very raw for me especially as I would be having to do cpr. I was told that I had to complete the training and the cpr.
Today I did the training I did 5he cpr however I did feel myself filling up a couple of times when the trainer was talking about situations that may require cpr to be performed, I got images of my Rob laying on our bedroom floor and me doing cpr .
The only consolation is I have done the first course and it’s now done for three years . I have to admit this morning I was panicking about how I would get through this day but I have done it without making myself look a fool.


Dear Kazzer,
I think your are amazing. To do this training so soon after your husband’s passing must have been really hard. If I had been your area manager, I would have tried very hard to grant you your request because I think you had a perfectly valid reason for it. I suppose they made you do it because of all the red tape and the care rules and regulations. To be covered by their insurers, they probably have a legal obligation to make sure that all certificates are up to date. Its a shame there can’t be exceptions for exceptional circumstances.

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Wow @Kazzer I don’t know how you did that, we had similar experiences so I have some inkling how horrendous it would be to do a first aid course now, I definitely couldn’t do it.

By the way I think your manager is totally awful, what a horrid thing to make you do right now! Especially now we know the chance of actually saving someone is so low I don’t see how they could think its OK to insist you did it but well done and like you say at least now you have done it for three years. Big hug to you and I hope you can relax somehow even if just for a short while tonight or treat yourself somehow.

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Kazzer. My goodness look how strong you are!!’

You go girl.

(Never said that before in my life).

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Jo64 thank you I didn’t feel strong and felt myself beginning to crack a couple of times but it’s done now . Thank you for your kind words x

FluerDelis to be honest I don’t know how I did it I just kept getting these images of Rob and I knew I had to get through this part of the course for him and for me and my job . The theory part was ok doing it online and even listening to the cpr section but to actually see something in front of you ( even though it was a dummy) that I had to simulate cpr on was one of the toughest things Iv had to do . Next week would have been Robs 57th birthday so iv got to get through that day that’s another 1st anniversary over with not that I can imagine the ones after will be much better .
Thank you for your reply and support take care stay safe x x

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Joules45 thank you I did go girl and I did complete the course and passed with a 100% mark but I have to say it was one of the toughest days so far thank you for you support take care xxx