I just don't know what to do ......

So soon after losing my mum which has been the most painful thing , there was mothers day slapping me across the face which hurt me to the core , now my mums birthday is just a few days away and I really don’t know how to cope with it , there is just this big black void of emptiness and this huge pain of missing her and missing her again on this her up and coming birthday , the reminder she isn’t here , that I can’t speak to her, I can’t send her a card and choose her a present or share that time with her , not now or ever again , not now she has gone ( which I still don’t really believe deep down even though I know its true as I was there with her for the last 32 hrs until the end ) its all just so deeply painful …

Hi Tixy

I lost my mum (70) suddenly and unexpectedly the Friday before Mother’s Day

On the 21st May it was my Masters Graduation ceremony. I still went, mainly for my granddad. It felt like the motions, the day lacked colour. Afterwards there was an immense feeling she would come back as if to say it was just a test or some bad joke.

Her birthday is 1st July so is starting to loom. As a family who’ve lost other members young/tragically we have never put undue pressure on memorial days, not to say they don’t still hurt.

I do t know how I will feel for these firsts like her birthday. I think I will try to realign some traditions we did have. Often took her to a spa for her birthday so May ask a friend round for tears and face masks. Or the money I would have spent donate to something she cared about.

The pain is excruciating isn’t it? I’ve had some really rough days at the moment. I try to remember she said how proud she was of me all the time and I was the best thing she ever did so I suppose I should do my best to keep going, help others, find purposes in her honour but God it’s hard

Sending gentle hugs


I am so sorry you lost your dear mum Beki and have no words except I feel for you and understand, , I just don’t know what I am going to do on her birthday actually its this coming weekend as that date just highlights the loss … I will have to think of some things to do on the day -hugs to you too xx

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Dear Tixy and Beki,
I am so sorry for your loss. To have your mother leave this world is devastating and something that I have dreaded, even from a young girl. Depending on how close we are to our mums, of course. But for me, personally it broke me on a way I never thought possible. She died from an aggeessive form of brain cancer. During the six weeks leadingbup yo her passing my relationship with my father broke down because of my minipulative brother. After mums passing, my relationship with my two other siblings went the same way. I basically stopped trying to please everyone, stopped contacting them. And to this day, 3 years later, I find myself estranged from the all includinv my neices and nephews. So basically, it felt like i had lost every one of them in a car crash or something.
Looking back, i can see I was within a family of controlling people. Being the youngest sibling was always rlemorionally abused and many many misunderstandings

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That sounds awful Dee, and sadly something I have heard before. A loss can send dreadful ripples through all of your life.

I hope you are getting good support now and have some peace

Best, Beki

U am so sorry you have gone through this ( Apologies I havent been on here for a long time ) you need to grieve your lovely mum and in time build yourself a new different life without people who are destructive and negative , just try to take each day a day or even an hour or minute at the time , its a horrible journey none of us want to be on but we are all here for you and understand hugs xx

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