I just knew.

I’ve been on this site for almost 3 months now and I’ve read a few people now talk about feeling this uneasy, sick, queasy, earth rocking feeling in the running up/ day of their loved ones passing…
I had this exact thing on two occasions on the running up to losing my Dad that I’ve really spent hours thinking about. If these were ways of my body or subconscious telling me that the world was no longer right anymore? I total stand by the feeling of I just knew something wasn’t right anymore and I felt the shift.
On the first occasion, I was out to lunch with my boyfriend’s friends for a birthday. I’d felt fine, got ready as usual and walked to the pub 10 minutes away. I sat down and made some small talk with the people there when all of a sudden I started to feel really weird. Like a wave of anxious nausea, tummy churning, fever and I really thought I might pass out. Not wanting to make a scene, I head up to the bar to get some water… all I could hear was the chatter of people in the pub. It started weighing me down until I couldn’t take it and ran into the bathroom. Thought maybe I was just needing the bathroom - nothing happened. I even tried making myself sick which didn’t help at all. I run back to the table to get my jacket whilst pretending to be on the phone, making out like y’know I’m a normal person just on a call. I thought yes, fresh air! That’s the one thing that always relieves my anxiety a little. Nothing. I actually try calling my friend at this point as I’m sitting on the curb having a full on panic attack. She answers and tries to make small talk to distract me and I decide that I need to head home… I realise something. I’m worried about my Dad!!! He had a hospital appointment that day and I just knew the people with him wouldn’t be as patient or as slow as he needed. They wouldn’t think of everything I did - sitting as close to the door/ window/ toilet as we can so he feels less panicked. I text my boyfriend just being honest and tell him I need to go and he understands completely. I call my Dad and all is well, he’s ok!! I can feel myself breathe again.
The second occasion - the day before it all happened. It was a Saturday and I was working one of the longest and busiest shifts I ever had been. I took in £2,700 in my PUB in ONE shift! The most anyone had ever taken, that’s how busy it was. I’d tried to call Dad a few times but put it down to him being asleep… I still question that cause if he ever didn’t answer before I used to run out of work and jump in a taxi over to his to check on him. This time, I don’t know, it was just so busy and I just kept working. When I finished work that night I (obviously) stayed back for a very strong beer to celebrate how hard I just busted my ass. Pretty boozy I swaggered over to my boyfriends at like 4am where him and his two pals were watching UFC as always it was on. I went in, smoked a little then started to feel REALLY WEIRD! Again! That same feeling. I excused myself and went to lie down after again, trying to make myself sick. I just felt so off and dizzy and sick. I text my best friend saying the feeling was back and I just didn’t know what was up, but put it down to the booze. I forced myself to sleep and it was that early morning that I was woken up by that call… I’ll never forget it.
I think when you’re so deeply connected to someone you just feel it in your body that you’re just off. The world is off. The balance is no longer there.
I just wish I could’ve been with him. If I had left work when I usually would have, maybe I could have caught it. Maybe I could’ve done something for him and if not… I could’ve still been there, holding his hand, cradling his face just so he wasn’t scared and alone. A thought that will forever haunt me.

Hi watt92,

It’s weird isnt it. Something similar happened to me although I am a worrier anyway and my mum was having an operation.
My mum found out she had a 95 percent blocked carotid artery on 7th june. She was asked to come in for an operation on tuesday11th june. I took her and sat with her until a nurse said mum would be called shortly, so my partner and I said we would go and have some lunch and ge back later. I left the hospital in tears and said something is going to go wrong. I developed a migraine, felt sick all day long and thought she was going to die. Looking back this was ridiculous because the operation was an hour long and mum was pretty fit and healthy.
At 4.30 pm mum rang me to tell me the op had been cancelled and I went to pick her up. I immediately felt good again.
2 days later mum went back in for the operation and had a massive brain hemorrhage in the recovery room, never to wake again.
Did we have a premonition?
Did I cause her death?
Was I just worrying and it just happened coincidentally to go wrong?
I will never know but it torments me to this day.
Cheryl x

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I had a sense of dread about a month before. My heart felt very heavy. Every time the phone rang I jumped thinking it was dad to tell me something had happened. Mum had a bad back but drs kept reassuring her it was just a popped rib. I wanted to go back to see her but we had family on holiday with us. The night before she collapsed I was in a restaurant and remember looking across the sea and just feeling so sad. But didn’t know why. The night dad did ring me before I answered it I remember saying “here we go”.

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i had something rather different. Twenty years ago in the months leading up to my Dad’s death I started to grieve for the past in general. (Not a full on grief, just a sadness. ) And then he passed a few months later.
In early 2019 I started to grieve the past again and wondered why I felt like I was slightly grieving. Mum passed a few months later. It’s like a slight premonition of whats to come.

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Hello Watt
I felt the same the day my husband died. I was driving to work and had just finished speaking to him, had heard from my son and daughter that morning- and all was good- so I had nothing to worry about. I am not an anxious person and have never had a panic attack but I was suddenly filled with a sense of dread and panic and was extremely worried - but about what I had no idea. It was a feeling like no other I had ever had before - and it only lasted about a minute at most. So I forgot all about it until I arrived home that night to find my husband had died that afternoon. No warning (spoke to him at lunchtime again) no illness - I really think that is was some dreadful premonition but I will never know. If I had been here I could not have saved him - that is the only consolation,
XX

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Hi Trisha and Watt,
So sorry for what you are going through. As we are all in the same situation as well - me, Cheryl, and Jooles. I lost my dad suddenly much like Trisha and Watt describes. There is no good way to pass on but finding the person that was fine and then wasnt, its a whole different level of shock.
I look back and I guess the universe had sent out some signs to me also. The problem is that we have no way to interpret the information. I was sad for myself for not interpreting better. I was mad at the universe for being so cryptic - if it wants us to know something then just tell us. Then I was distraught because I decided that the universe is just a perpetual machine that lacks feelings. It just does what it does.
I am sorry that we are all here on these boards day after day. It keeps me sane but no one really wants to be here. Personally, I gave up social media a few years ago. I guess i was an early adopter and got bored of it. Yet here we all are on this board, talking to strangers who have become friends. What a twist.
Ell

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Thanks to all for the replies…

It was another night that I couldn’t sleep… think I finally passed out about 4.30/5Am to be woken again at 10am. I’m emotionally and physically exhausted but when I can’t sleep it’s usually because I’m racking my brain for answers or possibilities over what I’ve experienced.
I guess I’m glad I’m not alone to have felt this. It’s just so consuming, I’m having a lot of regrets and wishing I had done things different. Biggest wish is leaving work when I should have, and also wishing I at least waited to have a PM done so I could know the details around what actually happened. I don’t. It’s my family and I’s guess as to what happened. I hear my Dad in my ear ‘dinna worry about that toots, I’m in my deepest sleep now and you dinna have to worry about me anymore’. These are not my words. I hear him less often than I did at the start. The signs are still there but are fewer. Last night when I couldn’t sleep though, I went outside for a smoke and stood away from my front door and automatic sensor light. After it gone off, I stared at the stars and spoke to my Dad, asking him what I should do and where I should go… the light came on!! There was no one near it, and I was still in the same position. Always with me my pops, looking out. I just wish he was here, it’s not fair.

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Watt I have been to a medium recently. Gave me such comfort if you believe in that at all. She told me something only me and my little mum would know. It was only £4. So she didn’t charge obscene amount. And it was a turn up on the night thing. So she didn’t know who I was