Hi Norma, hang in there, I’m reaching a critical point in my grief where I’m just so exhausted with it all and feeling more heartache. It was my birthday today and struggled to find any joy in spite of spending time with family, God hears our prayers and is good, He promises to be close to the broken hearted and heals our hearts, Even though we may not feel his presence he promises to be near the broken hearted. Jesus says to bless those who mourn as they will be comforted. Repeat these promises at least 5 times and use scripture in your prayers, I listen to a podcast called Lectio davino they give short messages of scripture and prayer to meditate on. I use it 3 times a day and find it relaxes me. It was suggested by my pastor. Losing a partner or spouse is profound but I underestimated this beforehand. It was a total shock whilst on holiday for my husband to die especially the way he did, I too have experienced anxiety trying to manage everything and navigate my life. Finding a new norm is scary and I keep saying “I never signed up for this.” Anxiety is a form of worry which is not uncommon in grief, I still feel very vulnerable and insecure. Making decisions much harder and loss of confidence. Im awaiting therapy for PTSD 18 month waiting list. I also visit my GP regularly and trying to keep to a routine. I miss my husband terribly and know he wouldn’t want me to be so sad and to lead a productive life. We will be reunited one day but for now I need to go through these feelings and try not focus on my future but try to just take one day at a time living in the moment the best I can. Trusting and leaning on God every day that all things will work out for good for those who love him and called for his purpose, your not on your own, so many of us grieving and wanting it fixed somehow. Consider reaching out to community grief support in your area as well as this site and maybe a local church . I’ve signed up for grief support in local church in September. Its available Nationwide and open to non Christian’s. You will find this on line, apparently it does help. I also found David Kessler, grief counsellor from USA, insightful and validated my grief, a YouTube clip where he is interviewed on grief related to losing a spouse or partner. He has a deep understanding on subject. Just keep your tissues handy as he had me in tears as I thought “He gets it! I will be praying for you 
You wrote those words straight from the heart. I couldn’t emulate or show your calamitous reaction to what had happened to your precious wife. I am, like yourself over three years down the line and I experience the same emptiness you describe in your post. My beautiful girl was taken from me after being diagnosed with stage 3 stomach cancer. It took just 7 weeks and 2 days from her diagnosis to her passing in our bed. This was just 1 week after she was told that her condition was terminal, she discharged herself from hospital to die at home. I’m still in survival mode, I cannot bear being without her, each day is just another day that I’m lost and lonely without her. Nobody can change that feeling that dominates my every waking moment. Take care
@Alicia2 I looked up David Kessler. His website is .com Oh well, thanks for the lead anyway. I am here because it is .org. There is too much corruption and exploitation in the USA, so be careful!
Hi Cindy @gemswinc I enjoy listening to David Kessler’s videos on youtube, but I’ve been surprised by how much exploitation there is online around grief!! So many “coaches” and “advice” sites and what not all for a monthly or weekly or whatever fee. As if we were not suffering enough….
@Anita_66 I may check out the videos, thank you!
You are not alone. We all understand. It has been more than a year and I still cry every day. Janka
Dear Norma! I pray every day for answers what to do…
Hugs from Janka
My husband died in the same way . It was very sudden and only an hour before we were planning our activities for the next day. we were leading a group of u3a members on a trip and then going to our grandsons birthday party. No warning and I too tried everything as did the air ambulance team . The guilt comes even now 2 years later . I know deep down I could not have saved him but the what if’s keep coming.
Morning @Sid
I am so for your loss , and know how hard it can be .
I am not as far into the grief journey as you
It is 10 months since my husband died suddenly from a heart attack.
I have recently joined the U3A and find everybody so friendly there .
@sid No, you could not have saved him. Please try to distract yourself from those thoughts, we all have them, myself included . I found this article very helpful!
Hi @Sid,
So sorry to hear of your sudden loss too. It is gut wrenching to lose someone without warning, it feels as though your life has been stolen from you. I will aways feel guilty of not doing more to protect or trying to recover Alison, it’s inevitable as I feel responsible for her. All that being said I also know there was nothing more that could have been done in that short window you have to recover someone who’s collapsed.
I take solace in the fact I was with her when she suddenly passed away. She could have easily been on her own or looking after our 3yr old granddaughter at the time. I am grateful I was there. It does help to ease the feeling of guilt.
It will be 3yrs in 2 days time when my Alison was stolen from me but I will say it is getting easier as I am coming to terms and accepting the trauma. As for her not being here, that I will never get used to.
I also feel sorry for your grandson who will no doubt attribute his birthday to sadness as well. I believe in support and talking, it really does help to ease the burden. We feel alone in grief but it’s really never the case, other members of close family are often struggling too, we just never see it. Support each other, a trouble shared is a trouble halved as they say.
Stay positive Sid, keep well, keep talking and we will all eventually learn to breathe again and smile.
Best wishes, Gee