It’s been ten months since I lost my wife to cancer, and I still feel so lost without her. Some days it feels like she was just here, and other days it feels like a lifetime has passed. The pain hasn’t faded — it lingers in everything I do. I miss her more than words can express. I still catch myself wanting to tell her things, to share small moments, to just sit beside her.
I keep wondering if this ache will ever ease, or if I’ll always carry it with me. Life moves forward, but part of me is still standing in that moment I said goodbye. I just want to feel her close again — to have one more day, one more conversation, one more touch
I totally get the pain you feel as , I feel it too , when I read the post and comments on this site , it helps to know that we are all in different waves of our grief and that someone is in the same stage as we are or has survived and moved a little forward, I hold on to something that they have said that hopefully helps, when the next wave comes, and we are also more a head as someone else and we know how they are feeling, big supportive hug and be gentle with yourself it’s okay to not be okay right where we are now
You are not alone. 10 months ago today I lost my husband t totally unexpectedly. He was 65 ann I am 60. I have had so much financial stuff to sort out, tax bills, his pensions, power of attorney etc and a lot is still going on. It has exhausted me and he is the one I want to ask about it as he was so calm and full of common sense. My sons are adults but I still feel the weight of their sadness, even though they have been supportive. I actually have Cruse counseling via zoom tomorrow, first session. Have been on the waiting list for months. Don’t know what I think about that but will see . It is nice to hear from someone on a similar timeline xx
I’m on roughly the same time line, and to know I’m not alone with these feelings helps. I know we are all different and grieve differently, but to know other people feel the same.
Hi Yorkie. Nobody can tell you how long it will take to get over the loss. It takes as long as it takes, and how long it takes depends on how you manage your new life. The real answer is we will never get over it completely, it just heals bit by bit, as we rebuild our lives. BUT!!! there comes a time when we can look forward and anticipate the rest of our lives are well worthwhile living, and the memories of our wives come with us and we can smile whenever we think of them. It was something like 2 years before I reached this point. It IS tough, but we just have to be tougher for a while, until we get there. No one can take away the 50 years we spent together, I remember them well and have an odd teary session, and talk to her for ages about them, and feel pride in ourselves for our time together. Good luck!
I just wanted to send some love and light your way. This path is not easy is it, but I hope you know just how well you are doing just getting up each day and pushing on!!
I’m not at even 6 months in to this unwelcome journey yet and every day is so hard having lost my partner in May. He was in his 30s and I’m in my 40s. This was not what I ever excepted from life and yes, I cry most days. I miss him in everything I do. There is however a bit of what one of my friends calls the collateral beauty in this for me at the moment and that is, I had him. I had him for nearly 8 years and I was loved. I know that.
I have many girlfriend who have genuinely never found that. I did and I’m so grateful for every minute. We did so much together and I am sure you and your lovely wife did too. Hold onto that. Those smiles will last and while I know everyone believes differently, who knows what the future holds. I wish you the best
Yorkie, it’s been 9 months for me and I still think it is early days. The pain lingers for me too, sometimes it is sharper than other times but I hold onto to a couple of things that keep me pushing forward. Nothing in my life will ever feel as bad as the first 24 hours without Phil. Time is the only real healer and so it doesn’t matter how I get through the day as long as I keep going. If I get up, dress myself and eat something and nothing else, I am still a day nearer to achieving some sort of peace and not another day in pain.
Life feels like it is in black and white, bleached of all colour but I know that I was blessed to have the most wonderful man in my life for 25 years. Everything I do now that is a challenge, I am doing it because I know that is what he would have wanted.
It doesn’t feel like early days when you are 9 or 10 months in but I am told it is. Keep going and talk on here. The people are wonderful.
I just wanted to say hello and let you know you’re not alone. It’s only been 4 weeks since I lost my wonderful husband Ray… I can’t explain how lost I am without him, life just feels so empty. He only had 8 weeks since his diagnosis and he couldn’t talk about it. But I get comfort in the memories of all the good times we shared, we were together for 32 wonderful years and I was so lucky to have him in my life. I talk to him and tell him that. And I’m so happy to have found this wonderful site with people who understand. Take good care of yourself
@Yorkie247
I read your post and what you said describes my life as well.
I’m 11 months into this nightmare having lost my wife to a heart attack after 48 years of marriage.
This website is wonderful. We at least feel we are not alone in our grief and we can post our thoughts and concerns which really helps.
Unfortunately we still have to stagger on alone through each day as it comes and goes. Some people suggest keeping busy as a distraction from dwelling on our grief, and that can give a bit of relief. On some days though my energy so low that I just sit and read or watch telly.
What I want more than anything is some sort of contact with my wife which is probably impossible. I say probably because I’ve seen a glimmer of hope in reading Dr Raymond Moody’s books about Near Death Experiences.
Many of the people he talks to describe varying forms of amazing light and energy. It seemed to me that whether you have a religious or scientific interest, this energy might be worth exploring.
I come from an engineering background so thought the best place to start would be to get a manual! I bought Core Light Healing written by Barbara Ann Brennan who is a former NASA Physicist, there are many other books on the subject available. I’m about three chapters in and have flicked through other sections of it. It isn’t an easy read but nonetheless fascinating. What I have learnt so far is that there are critical energy flows through our bodies that can’t be boosted by eating chocolate! They can best be described as spiritual or perhaps cosmic. One thing that seems certain is controlling these energy flows is critical to our wellbeing, and our mind, body and spirit can be greatly improved with a little understanding.
I started out looking for a communication channel to my wife, but have realised that I might be able to improve my life considerably even if I can’t find her frequency’.
The more I read the more there is to learn, this won’t be a quick fix, so I just offer the suggestion for what it’s worth.
Thanks for the feedback, Rjay. Have you ever considered going to a medium? I used to be sceptical myself, but some of the things she said were incredible — there’s simply no way she could have known what she told me.
Hello Yorkie247
I certainly wouldn’t discount visiting a medium, I think the genuine ones have a special gift. It’s finding a genuine one that is the problem.
Also, I suppose I’m looking for a solution that I can take home with me such as developing my own ‘electromagnetic’ skills.
One thing for sure is that science has hardly scratched the surface in unraveling the secrets of the universe.
God bless you, I know exactly how you feel. Six months ago my beloved beautiful husband flew off to Heaven. The grief and pain are endless. I’m now back at work where everyone thinks I’m “so strong”. Oh I hate that phrase! I remind them I’m not strong that it is God and the love of my husband that are strong - not me! I’m just surviving and trying to keep my promise to my husband that I would be ok. I also often wonder if it will get easier and I don’t think it will but that I will find ways to carry it forward. I keep expecting my husband to walk back in the door at any moment and I wondered when that would fade but it hasn’t and I think that is because my husband’s spirit is still with me. I read a post that helped me and maybe it will help you it said “I don’t want my husband’s legacy to the world to be that his death destroyed me” It hit home with me so much. So when the utter desolation visits, as it so often does, I try to remind myself that this is a part of our love. And it was such a wonderful love with my beautiful man I try to work through it with memories, music and my favourite videos of him laughing. I hope this helps and I hope it helps you to know you are not alone in this my friend. God Bless
I’m feeling really low tonight as its 1 month since I lost Ray. We were so close and I can’t describe how much I ache for his presence here with me. I’ve been our for lunch today with friends who loved him too, and it’s been great to talk about him. But I still come back to an empty house, except for our gorgeous little cat, Peggy. I know you all understand that feeling too. I suppose it’s just putting one foot in front of the other every day that keeps us going… I
Hello lovely - I completely understand just how deafening that awful silence is. My while world is deafening silent since I lost my husband six months ago. I know this will sound silly, and maybe you already do it. But before you leave your house switch on the tv (if you’re only going out for a very short time) or the radio if you are going out for longer and leave a light switched on. It just makes it easier than walking into silence and darkness. Also remember you’re not alone in this there are so many people like you and I sadly struggling with this awful reality. Take care and God Bless
Yesterday I found myself talking to one of three ceiling lights embedded in the bathroom ceiling, his bathroom, which went on the blink the night he died, and I put it on and it flickered and I just imagined he was there as some sort of energy field trying to communicate with me. Quite irrational and mad on my part. I then rushed to listen to Christopher Hitchens, a very eloquent raconteur and journalist, who died in 2011 and who has argued so powerfully against the existence of God,. I did so in order to counter my own flirtation with the spiritual and the supernatural. We invented a God for comfort I feel. But I can still believe in things happenning serendipitously. I just do not know how or why. I believe that Paul and I met for a reason. He needed me and I needed his love. I think it is just such a strong yearning in me to have him back beside me, me caring for him , him caring for me, my soulmate and the only one who really knew me who I talked to for hours and who had the same interests in history and news and politics, drama and literature, and truly knew what I was talking about. He had such a good supple brain , fine mind and powerful attractive depth. No one around as profoundly intelligent like my Paul except me. We were two peas. He died on August 5th from pancreatic cancer which had spread, creepingly, just 1 days after diagnosis. I will never feel that this is something to get over. One does not get over that loss. I seek distraction. I do not want to forget. I am his rememberer. I am having a quilt made from his clothes and ties.
Hi lovely, I will not for a minute try to argue the odds with you about God’s existence. I live a very faith based life myself and have found it to be the only thing that gets me through. I have so many signs since my husband passed away that even some of my friends (who are staunch Atheists) admit they cannot dispute. The day my husband passed away it was an incredibly warm day with not a breath of air. I told him it was ok to go but he had to come back and let me know he was okay. That evening I had my living room window opened just the tiniest bit, when out of nowhere a gust of wind blew in so loudly it knocked everything in it’s path and actually woke my dogs who literally chased it out to the hall barking. But then they stopped barking and one of them stopped in the living room and just kept staring out into the hall and back at me several times as she would normally do if there was something she wanted to draw my attention to. When I told my friend later she was astonished because she said her daughter had bought little windmills for the garden that day and had been disappointed that they didn’t spin because there wasn’t even a breeze that day. I absolutely know that was my beautiful man letting me know he was ok. You say you are an intelligent person, which I don’t doubt, but ask yourself where have we all come from, and by we I mean not just humans but every facet of the universe. Don’t you think that the ‘big bang’ had to have started from somewhere. Even science will tell you that the universe’s extreme precision makes it logical that there must be a creator. Whether you acknowledge that is God, or as my lovely husband used to call it The Divine Principle. I believe Issac Newton, Einstein, John Eccles and Darwin believed there must be a Divine Creator , the force behind the Universe’s order. Again I am not saying I am right nor trying to convert you. I’m just sharing my understanding and experience. I hope that the Universe will be kind to you and help you get through this awful quagmire of grief and bring you peace.
We did so much together and I am sure you and your lovely wife did too. Hold onto that. Those smiles will last and while I know everyone believes differently, who knows what the future holds. I wish you the best 