I Loss my husband of nearly 50 years on 5th Nov 20

My husband was 82 years old, and I am disabled, my husband looked after me, he got an infection, and had to go into hospital, and after being in hospital a couple of weeks he caught covid, he recovered from the covid, but it had took its toll, he lost around 3 stone in weight and could not walk, he needed round the clock care, but he came home, the first thing he said was give me a kiss, which I could not wait to do, then after being at home for 5 days, his infection started to come back, I was petrified, he said he did not want to go back into hospital, I called the doctor, who came and put him into end of life care, as his body could not take anymore, I was privileged to be able to cuddle him for two days, before he passed away, , I am now on my own, my sons live a long way away from me, I did not just loss my best friend and my soul mate but, he did so much for me, I can only walk with crutches or my wheelchair, he was also my carer, and I have lost everything, I don’t know how I can carry on, I have tried so hard to keep myself busy but I cry constantly, I only eat crackers as I cannot cook, I have no help, and I miss my husband so much, how do I keep going, without him, it is so difficult, I know I was lucky enough to be with him, it could have been worse if he had been in hospital, so many thing go through my mind, he wanted to sign himself out of hospital after 1 week, but I talked him out of it, because of his infection, unknown to me he was not eating, he lost his earring aids so could not hear me when I telephoned him, and he also lost his wedding ring, which could not be found, he was in hospital for many weeks and thought no one was speaking to him, and then I realised because they wore masks and he could not see them speaking or hear them, I say to myself if I had let hime come home, would he have pulled through, I had shielded him for so long, and he goes into hospital and catches covid, all I want is to be with him, as my life just seems terrible and I cannot see any way out of it.

My heart goes out to you, I’m sorry for the loss of your wonderful husband. Your husband obviously loved you very much. Please contact your GP so they can set up some help for you, you cannot just eat crackers, your health will be affected. I’m surprised they haven’t been in touch with you knowing your difficulties. Also I’m sure your sons would be able to help even from afar so please let them know you are having problems. This is a caring community, I’m glad you found it.
My husband died 4 years ago this year, we only had 32years together but I miss him every day.
Take care, Jakkles

Good Evening,
To say sorry seems so inadequate at this time but we are all here for you.
Regarding meals do the local services know your problems,I am sure even with the covid restrictions I am sure meals on wheels must be allowed.
Have you carrers that come in please ask for some help.
Your local council must know of the local community
Wish you luck and keep posting.

Thankyou so much for your reply, I have spoken to someone but not got any help as yet, it makes me miss my husband even more he was such a caring man, thank you for your caring it is so difficult

I have spoken to a councillor but as yet know one has been in touch, my sons says to go and stay with them, but things are to raw at the moment as all I do is cry, I will hopefully get some help sometime but it makes everything so much more when my husband was so helpful and caring to me, I think some people just don’t realise, I said to my GP I was struggling as John helped me much but they just don’t realise thank you so much for caring

I agree with Jakkles, you must contact your doctor for help. I find it disgusting that they havent contacted you but on reflection the surgery have never contacted me.
We are in very difficult times but you really need help. I am fortunate that my daughter lives nearby & has been a godsend to me. I couldnt cope without her. I do hope you will have care as soon as possible. Sending you my love.

Thank you so much Barb, I did speak to my GP and when she asked how I was doing I told her that John did everything for me and I now find that I cannot do things without him. and I was missing him so much but was struggling because I could not do things given that I can only stand up with two crutches, and I cannot let go because I can only put my weight on one leg, which makes it impossible to do things for myself, she knows this, but they are obviously very busy, to be able to offer me help, I have been like this for over 20 years, she does know how bad I am, even in my wheelchair, I am just to low to reach my cooker, by myself, and so the best was to eat crackers or biscuits, which I have delivered, I have said to a counsiler that was helping me with my bereavement where she said she would contact age concern and get them to get in touch with me, but so far no one has contacted me, I think lockdown has made things so difficult, and my son lives over 200 miles away, so I do not want him to come all this way, and I want to stay in my own home, I will get there, it just makes things twice as hard, because everything want to do, my husband is always there in the front of my mind, and I just cry constant, thank you so much for all your concerns, I will manage, as best I can, it is so lovely to talk to people that are going through the same thing as me, I just don’t know how I keep going, and what I should be trying to do, to get through this, it is so difficult, he was truly my soul mate i love him and miss him so very very much, thankyou so much xx

Dear FindingItHard,

It is good that you have come to this site and I see that you have already had a lot of helpful responses. From reading your story I can see how much you and your husband loved each other and how hard it must be for you to have lost him so suddenly. My mum lost my dad when she was in her eighties and just like your husband, my dad had been her rock, She was not disabled but had lots of health problems and found it really hard to cope without him, My sisters and I arranged carers for her with the help of her GP.
What sort of help you can get and how quickly will depend on your needs and your financial situation. You may need to fill in lots of forms and when you are grieving it can be hard to find the energy and motivation to do all that, or even to make phone calls.
It would be good if you could get someone to help you with all this. Have you ever contacted Age UK? They may be able to provide you with help and support. At the moment, things are more difficult because of Covid, but a lot an be done over the phone or online. You sound like you know how to find your way around the internet.
The phone number for AGE UK Lancshire is 0300 303 1234
and their website is ageuk.org.uk/lancashire/
There must also be some charities in your area who can help with shopping or meals, and your local council should be able to give you information about that.
You deserve all the support you can get. It is nice of your sons to invite them to live with them, but I fully understand that at least for the time being you want to be in your own home.
Do post on this site as often as you want to. There will always be someone here for you.
Jo

Thank you Jo, I have had a lady who is helping me with my bereavement counselling, get in touch with age concern, but I think with covid it may be difficult for them at the moment as I have not heard from them, it is so nice to know that people are out there that have gone through the same thing, like you say, it just seems to make things so much more difficult, as John was always there to help me, I miss him so much, you feel like you cannot understand how I can go on like this, but hopefully, I will get help soon, thank you so very much for contacting me, it is nice to know there are people out there that care, I will let you know when I receive some help, until then, I will just keep going as I am, I know my husband will be watching over me, we loved each other so very much, it is just so difficult, I have a little dog who is 17 years old, he sleeps most of the time, and thankfully does not need to go out for a walk, just in the back garden, I have told him he needs to keep going to help me to keep going, he gives me lots of kisses, Thank you xx

Hi I am not sure how I can let everyone know that contacted me, but I have had age concern contact me today, who are going to arrange a care package for me, and speak to my GP to help me further, also for me to have a call button so if I fall like I did a few weeks ago, i can press it and get help whenever I need it, which is a great comfort, so thankyou, I do not know how to let everyone know about this, and I would like to thank everyone, as this is the first time I have been on this site, so decided if I reply to you who was the last person, everyone may be able to read this, thank you once again, at least with help will make things easier xx

I am so pleased for you that you have been contacted by someone from Age Concern and that they will be helping you to get support in place.
When you post something on this site, anyone can see it, so people who are following your post will see your message.
It was good to read you have a little dog that keeps you company. Animals can be such a blessing and they seem to pick up on how we feel and give us affection when we most need it. Having a garden is a great help too. xxx
Jo

My heart goes out to you, as it does from everyone of us on here who are experiencing such a great loss. In your situation it is even harder for you.

Please do get some support , you badly need some help. The current time doesn’t help with all the restrictions but even so , you need this now.

There is help out there, but you need help to find it. Could your son not contact someone on your behalf.?
Your Doctor should be able to get some support for you. Please, you can’t live like this and coping with the grief.

Please do keep talking on here, and i hope your Doctor will help

with love
Christina

Thank you Christina, I have just been contacted by age concern who are putting a care package in place to help me, that is such a relief, and I cant thank everyone so much, like you say grieving is terrible but it was made even more horrific as my husband was my carer, even though he never claimed for it, he was my husband and that is what you do, I did contact my doctor, but it must have been a busy day, as I said I could not manage without Johns help, but she said yes it must be difficult, and she knows I can only use crutches or my wheelchair, as I only balance on one leg due to my disability , but thankfully age concern are now going to sort it and ring me each week to make sure everything is sorted for me, thankyou so much xx

I am so glad that Age Concern are organising help for you, I have been thinking of you a lot since I replied to your post yesterday. We are all scattered around the country but it is a lovely community to be a part of. Glad you reached out, and have your little dog for cuddles, my dog is 10 now and means the world to me .
Take care
Jakkles xx

Good Afternon,
So glad to hear some good news for a change.
You take what ever is offered you and don’ t be embarrassed to say what you need.
So pleased there comes a time you just have to reach out
.
Keep us all infomed
Take Care. Xx

So glad you getting some support now. Take care and keep in touch on here so we know your ok
Love Christina x

I will keep you all informed when I get a care package in place, thank you to all for your help xx

Hi findingithard so sorry for your loss. My partner was also my carer and prepared all my meals. I did not know how I was going to be able to manage but I tried Wiltshire Farm foods they deliver to me and the meals are lovely you cook straight from freezer to oven so no preparation needed

that sounds good for the meals, would I be able to take them out of the oven with one hand as I need to use my crutches, or probably if I get a carer they could heat them up for me as i cannot carry due to having to use two crutches or balance on the one leg I have that I can stand on, thank you for your help will have a look at those

Yes you could they all take around 40 to 60 minutes to cook
Take care

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