My mum passed away last February I still cry everyday some days are worse than others, I go out do stuff with my children but I’m heartbroken and all I want is my mum she was my best friend my person we spoke everyday day, I just want to be with her I sometimes think of ending my life to be with her, I feel like my family especially my husband thinks I should be over it but I don’t think I ever will be nor even do I, if only I had a sign from her so I really knew there was something else that might help because I would at least know I would definitely be with her again, but I’m so lonely now more than ever my youngest is 16 and she just either wants be in her own or with her friends my house feels empty like I do, I miss her so much 
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Hi @shell09,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. I can hear the pain in your post.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @shell09, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Seaneen
Hey @shell09, just wanted to share some solidarity. I lost my Mum 1st Feb this year and so much of your post echoes my own thoughts.
I’m fortunate in a sense that my children are still so little (both under 4), and are genuinely my reason to keep going on the darkest days. The thought I keep coming back to is this: If I feel this lost without my Mum, how lost would mine feel without me? They might seem so independent, but they would miss you so much if you weren’t around. Please hang in there x
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Thank you for your kind words and I’m sorry for your loss too 
my children are keeping me going and I do think my mum wouldn’t want me to just stay at home crying she loved it when I told her things I did, she was the best mum so I got to try do my best be strong for my children and I wouldn’t want them to go through what I am 
I do like talking about my mum you can keep your mothers memory alive by talking to your little ones about her, take care x
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I lost my mum in early May this year ,it was sudden and unexpected. We were very close to and she was my best friend and close confidant ,she helped me through my life and was my rock .
My 9 year old son was knocked off his bike 20 years ago and died instantly ,as you can imagine my life and my children’s lives were thrown into turmoil ,without my mums support I wouldn’t be here now .
I miss her every day ,I hate clearing her house out of all the things she loved and collected in her life and when I go round there my stomach does somersaults and I keep apologising to her for getting rid of all her stuff at home .
The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that she is in a better place now and remembering what she would say to me “live you life and make memories with your children “
She would say “you only have one life ,so live it my girl “and she is absolutely right ..
You need to take every day as it comes ,take little steps don’t try to do too much or expect to much from yourself .
Look at your children and see how wonderful they are ,how they deal with grief far better than we do …
I am here if you would like to chat about anything ..
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Thank you so much for your kind words, I’m so sorry about your son and your mum, you must be a very strong lady, the only thing that gets me through is thinking my mum would want me to live my life and be there for my children like she was for me, I know I’m lucky in one sense the heartache been I was loved so much by my mum that why it hurts so much, I talked to her everyday I even reach for my phone a few times forgetting for a second, I been quite bad this week and I do sometimes have suicidal thoughts but i couldn’t do that to my children my youngest is 16 even though she thinks she don’t need me she does, I feel so lonely without my mum my life seems much quieter and colder she was a huge loss, my mum would thought most of us would be fine without her I know she wouldn’t think I’d be crying everyday for her 
x
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@Rach2 - I’m so sorry… We lost my brother at 13 years old (22 years ago now) and I will never forget how that broke my Mum. Going through her things now, I’m finding lots of his stuff that she’s kept and it’s so hard to know what to do with both of their things. Just sorting one little bit at a time, as you say.
@shell09 - I know what you mean about picking up the phone. We’ve temporarily moved in with my Dad and I’m writing this from my childhood bedroom. I still keep looking to the door and expecting her to walk in - she always walked in without knocking and it used to drive me nuts as a teen. Now I’d give anything for her to barge in, even just one more time.