Hi Colleen I haven’t been online for a while, just scrolling through convo’s and found your post so like my experience my hubby was 82 (good age) but had never been ill, he took my teenage daughters to the station for college while I was at work, when I came home in evening said he felt like he had a cold coming on, in middle of night got up and was breathless it all happened so fast a major heart attack I relive that night over and over as if it were yesterday instead of 16th Feb 2016, I talk about him every day and wish I could feel him round me , have gone to mediums in desperation but have been told my sadness and anxiety are blocking communication, we tend to grab at anything that brings us comfort and I always tell my kids never to say things hurtful and not apologise as we never always get the chance to say “sorry” and I had said some things that I will always regret and never had the chance to take back, life is so short and sometimes we just don’t realise that, I do hope you will find comfort in talking and there is always someone who is online it really helps!
HI Gailee Weird as it might sound I have not been on here for a while and just came across your response. Its so hard especially for you being there. Our daughter found Phil because he had not picked me up from work and she has nightmares about it. My dad was not well recently and she get no answer when she knocked and she was panicking about what had happened to him because she did not want to walk him and find him like she did Phil. Luckily enough he was at the dentist. I lose track of the appointments my dad has. I do look after him but work is also very stressful. I do feel Phil around me but then other times I dont feel anything and it makes me feel so desolate, lonely and tired. You just feel you do not want to carry on but you know you have to. Some days are better than others but some days are downright horrible and I find myself crying out of nowhere. I think it has been hard recently because we should have been in Tenerife where we have been for the last twenty something years and last year we went to a different part and loved it. Phil said it had been the best holiday ever so we booked again as soon as we got back so on Facebook all I keep getting up our memories from last year and even though I know it will upset me I still look. Do you feel so stricken you cannot think straight. You feel as if you cannot be happy again and put on a show in front of people and family. I do not want them to see I am upset but its really hard sometimes and does not seem to be getting any easier. People say time is a healer and we learn to live with it but how can you learn to live without your soul mate, best friend, husband and life. I know like everyone I have to get on with my life but I cant yet. We are all different and my kids and grandkids feel it. It is only our Evie and Tommy who are two who seem to be okay but we always feel that they can see Phil because sometimes they are chattering away in bed and looking if they are seeing someone. I try and go on Groups on Facebook to higher my level to see if I can do anything to get signs from him but then other times I am just too destroyed to go on them at all. Life is very cruel and my heart goes out to you and your children. You just dont realise how much it changes your life. I am also menopausal so am going through all kinds although Phil always said that he thought I was always menopausal. He joked with me and wound me up and I miss that. If only we knew then what we know now. Phil said, through a medium, he would have done things differently because he felt he went too soon at 63 oh how I wish he had that chance again. Big hugs