Hi I’m Louise I’m 33 and I’m really struggling with my bereavement my mum passed away on the 3rd of November 2019 and I don’t know how to get through the day
I can’t sleep I can’t think I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this I feel like I’m losing the plot I suffered a panic attacks on Thursday and I was so scared I couldn’t breath my husband took me to the doctors and she said I’m dealing with things the best by I can but I don’t feel like I am
I watched my mum take her final breath and I could t do anything to help her or bring her back it hurts so much
My doctor won’t give me any sleeping tablets or antidepressants because I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant
I just need help how I can deal with it all please
Hi louise
I’m so sorry you just lost your mum and I wish I could help you. What I can do us tell you that a number of us on this site have become online friends as we all lost our mum recently. My mum died suddenly of a major brain haemorrhage in june. The shock has been tremendous. She was mine and my 12 year old daughters best friend.
21 years ago my dad died of a sudden heart attack. He was 53 and my sister was about 13 weeks pregnant. Her daughter was born 6 months to the day that my dad died. It’s not going to be easy louise but you have to carry on for your unborn baby. Just take each hour as it comes and look forward to holding that baby that would have been your mums beloved grandchild. I know that my sisters baby, who will be 21 in 3 months, brought happiness back to our family and gave my mum hope after the loss of her husband.
Cheryl x
Hi Louise,
First of all, so sorry to hear about your mum. Secondly, you have taken a good step to help get through the day already and that’s to be on this forum chatting with people who are dealing with their own personal journey through grief, so you are in good company. A lot of people really will understand anything you say and will be able to relate to your feelings and offer support to get through this terrible time.
For me personally, I lost my mum suddenly and watched her die in front of me back in August. I was not prepared for what I now have and I’m still trying to come to terms with the reality.
I know it won’t be easy for you and after 3 weeks is hardly any time at all. You really have to take each day or hour as it comes and not expect too much of yourself. Children are one of the best therapies available and I think that in time your newborn will be just the extra person you’ll appreciate and really love in your life. Easy for me to say I know. I can imagine some of the thoughts, questions and emotions buzzing around in your head right now and I now that answers just don’t come easily if at all. This is normal and nothing makes sense right now. Please stick around here and I’m sure lots of people will offer their support.
Shaun x
Oh Louise such a traumatic time for you. It’s such early days. Take each hour as it cones. Every day is different. It’s like a flipping rollercoaster. But it’s all normal. I was with mum when she took her last breath and I still can’t shake off those images. I probably never will. But I’m told in time they go to the back of your mind rather than sit at the front. Yesterday I had a bad day and proper vented on here. Afterwards I did feel better so it really does help to unleash those feelings. Even if only one or two people reply. You know people are listening. Me Shaun and Cheryl. All lost our mums between 3-5 months ago. We are all dreading Xmas. We are all in shock. We are all in the same place. You are not alone. And keep thinking of that beautiful baby who has the most wonderful angel watching over her/him.
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum suddenly just over six weeks ago. I am older than you, but I understand your shock, anxiety and pain. Be gentle with yourself. Take it hour by hour on the rough days. It will slowly get better.
Thank you all for your replies I really didn’t think I would get any, I just don’t know how to feel I just feel so so lost my mum was my best friend and I was always the one taking her to hospital making sure she was ok, she always told me that I wasn’t to cry I had to be the strong one for my dad and my brothers and I was I didn’t cry once well not in front of them all I did at home when I was on my own, when she passed away I felt so angry so lost that sick feeling and I couldn’t be the strong one anymore I crumbled and fell apart!
I keep waking up through the night very confused is that normal? And then this morning around 7am I woke up and felt like I just lost my mum all over again like I had just found out
Yes all normal. I go to bed. I wake through the night heart pounding and profound sadness. I wake in the morning. I feel so disoriented then I get up and the day starts again. Daffy has also only just lost her mum. There are quite a few of us in this club we don’t want to belong to. Every emotion you feel you can bet we have all had it. Keep talking . Don’t bottle it up.
Unfortunately I am still waking every morning and the shock hits me that mum has gone. I’m 5 months down the line although I did live with her and she was a massive part of my day to day life. I just crossed the hallway towards mums bedroom to pop upstairs and I thought to myself ‘I cant believe she has gone’. I can still imagine her leaving her room and padding across the hallway to the kitchen to take a cuk of tea to bed.
I wonder to myself, can I stay in this house? Hiw long will i picture mum every time i walk across this hallway? I just dont know but I fully expect these feelings to last at least the first year. In time louise you will sleep better. You will be amazed the first time you go through the night. Sometimes I sleep right through till 7am of a weekend but most weekdays I’m awake by 5am.
I have very disturbed sleep. Jumbled thoughts about my Mum during the night. I wake up very tired and drained in the morning. I try to go to bed a bit earlier as a result. I have also tried just to lie down when I can, but true relaxation does not come. I suppose any rest is good.
I’m exhausted all the time too. Just utterly drained. The weight of grief they call it. I’m still not back at work properly. It makes me really anxious when I have to go in.
In the first few two weeks I had shaking attacks. It did pass. It’s just extreme shock. I’m still shocked, but the it seems to be the new norm. I still have disbelief. It will take time. My moto has been gently does it and trying my best not to get totally carried away by grief. Post on here and you will always find support.
Well I managed to fall asleep ok last night but like always I woke up around 10 times in the night so confused and then again the panic set in that I would never hear my mums voice again never see her face, my mother in law has said I need to try and get out the house today because me being stuck in will not help me but if I’m honest I just don’t have the energy!
I don’t know how I will ever get back to “normal” again because right now I can’t see any way past this
Louise,
It is a good idea to get out of the house. I did alot of walking in the early days and weeks. Some fresh air is good. It’s just unfortunate that everywhere outside is full of festive cheer, decorations and music. I’m avoiding the high street as much as possible.
I hope you have an ok day but please remember its very early days for you so dont be hard on yourself.
It’s ok to not be ok.
Cheryl x
I thought I’d add my 5p to what Cheryl said. In the early days I had a lot of people offering help and support, it’s hard to know what to ask for but then a couple of good friends told me to go out for a walk with them. I thought it a good idea to take offers of support like that so I accepted. On the walk with each of them, one up into the hills and the other a walk along the seashore taking in the sea air followed by a coffee, we did a lot of talking. It wasn’t easy conversation but it allowed me to go into details what had happened and I felt by going into the difficult subject matter it has allowed me to process and deal with it and to some extent soften the thoughts of the horrible day that my mum died. The more you talk about something, the easier it gets, that’s the theory. I felt I needed to offload and my friends were not judgemental at all.
I have since repeated walks and they have got easier. It’s been good to get out of the house and reconnect with the world again and allowed me to vent at the same time. If you can get out into the countryside then you can avoid all the festive stuff that’s unavoidable around the shops!
I’ve had an OK weekend and actually went out for dinner last night. I did have a wobble this evening though. I’m trying to convince myself that it’s ok to enjoy myself again but it’s not easy.
Shaun x