I lost my mum and best friend

I’m sorry we are meeting here under these circumstances. This pain is something I definitely don’t wish upon no one and yet all people will have to face it at one point in their lives.

It’s my turn now.

On 8th March 2021 I lost my best friend, confidant, my rock and motivation… my mum. I don’t think it’s a coincidence she passed on that date considering the kind woman she was. Kindhearted and selfless even with those who didn’t deserve it and a warrior when something or someone threatened those she loved. She was extraordinary. The kind of human being you don’t see so often these days.

Biology says she was my grandmother but I don’t care about that. She was my mother, IS my mother. She took me under her care soon after I was born and we never looked back.

We were together for 25 years until I have to leave because of my country’s current crisis. So yes, My mum died while I was so far away from her. I never could imagine that that last hug I gave her before I went to the airport was indeed going to be the very last one. I couldn’t go to her funeral, I won’t be able to go and scatter her ashes where she wanted. I didn’t take her hand during her last breath. I will never forgive myself for all of that.

I’m so broken. I feel I’m going through hell and I’m going through it completely alone. I’m alone in this foreign country and my relatives and friends don’t seem to understand. They just ignore me when I try to talk about how lonely I feel and the pain of losing my mum.

So there you have it. I just wanted to share a bit of my pain and if you read it all, thank you for doing it.

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Danni, I feel it was a privilege reading your story and I want to thank you for sharing it, it took a lot of mental strength to write down your feelings and my heart goes out to you. You must be a very strong individual and knowing that you will survive. You will get through this awful time in your life and prosperous just as you mum would want you to.
It’s difficult for people to talk about grief and they just hope it’s not going to happen to them, you will find many on here who have had the same response from relatives and friends. Being in a strange place and not being able to hold her hand is hard and I wish I could help you. Please keep reading other posts and posting yourself so we can know that you are alright. Keep safe and take care. Sxxx

Hello Danni,

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, it sounds like it must have been incredibly difficult not being able to be there for her.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or support services in your local area.

Take care,


Online Community team