I lost my mum/best friend

Hi All… I am new to this online bereavement thing, but i was told to give it a go so here i am. 4 months ago i lost my mum who was also my bestfriend, it was sudden yet expected at the same time. she had Melanoma and breast cancer. they only found the breast cancer when they did a whole body scan upon the results of her melanoma biopsy. she had a full mastectomy and was cleared of the breast cancer so they say but the melanoma spread to her brain and liver. she was given gamma knife treatment which in turn killed the brain tumour (this was last June) but the immunotherapy hadn’t worked for my mum as it then spread to her liver. - anyway fast forward to march this year, she had stroke like symptoms and when the hospital done a scan they said she had developed another brain tumour which was aggressive and was told at the rate it was growing she would have three months max. we got mum home with all the care plans etc, but shed started to change and become angry and hurtful, i tried my hardest not to let it bother me as all i can see was mum screaming she hated me. she deteriated quickly, she was admited back to hospital with an infection (which they couldn’t locate) and was quickly told that she would have to be moved into a care home to be looked after through end of life care. she lasted 5 days here and passed away on 2nd April. but i don’t know how to deal with it? i know i have my dad and my friends but they’re not my mum. they’re not my go to. I live with my parents still, i have a boyfriend and some close friends but none of them understand and as my dad has cancer himself and the treatment has caused damage to his vision and his balance he is dependent one me. . since losing mum ive developed a weird anxiety and keep checking locks etc, where as before i didnt care. the doctors have put me on antidepressants but id like to know a way of trying to start to move on and not cry all day at work. as i know she isn’t suffering any more and she wouldn’t want to live life like she was at the end.

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Hi, sorry for the pain of your loss, it sounds like you’ve had a difficult time to manage. Grief comes with all the emotions so take your time to process everything that has happened. Losing your Mum is devastating so expect some challenging times as you try and adjust to your loss. Sharing how you feel is a good way of trying to make sense of it all. This forum is helpful as when you read through the posts you’ll realise that you aren’t alone. Although grief is very personal to everyone, there’s a lot of common ground. I lost my Mum six months ago now and I am still trying to adjust to her absence. It’s not easy but I keep going as I know that’s what she’d want me to do. Best wishes xx