I lost my mum in September 2015 and it is still heartbreaking

My mum was only 57 when she passed away 13/09/15. I feel robbed of my mum .
She was the life and soul of every occasion. She left behind my Dad, Myself my four brothers our partners and 7 grandchildren. She was diagnosed with cancer on the 07/08/15 and little did I know how quick we would loose her forever. Deep down i knew she was dying and can’t believe I spoke openly to friends ,my friends say to me how calm i was. But for me I had to just get through each day for mum. I would make sure I washed her hair, ironed her outfits and even booked a final holiday for her and my dad, unknown to him this would be their last. Each and every one of us were in our own little bubble. Even 9 months on it still feels so unreal and I if I’m honest I don’t feel like I have had a chance to grieve or accept that I will never see my mum again.My heart just aches so much for my mum. I used to speak to my mum at least 4 times a day and this is the hardest. She was the only person I could talk to and she gave the best advice. I feel that I will never have that closeness again. My poor dad is so heartbroken they were married for 40 years. I think for me this is the hardest seeing him so upset. Whilst I am trying to be his rock. When I leave him I just sob as he says I hope you never feel this pain.
I want to say to him I am and do feel this pain but how can I ?
I am lucky I still have my husband and my daughter. But I have never known my life without my mum. I am a strong girl and put on a brave face but inside it’s killing me.

Hi SEB,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. It sounds as though everything happened so quickly and was a huge shock. Sometimes putting on a brave face can make things harder. Do you have anyone you can talk to honestly about how you are feeling - your husband or a friend, maybe?

This site is one place where you don’t have to put on a brave face. I hope it helps a little bit to have this space to write things down. You are among people who understand. For example, you might be interested to meet Jeanie, who also lost her mum very quickly after diagnosis:

https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/losing-my-mum-soo-quickly

You may also be interested in this conversation, where you can find Sue, Wandering Strawberry and Tray, who have also lost their mums:

https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/coping-and-not-coping

Have you had any bereavement support? Your GP would be able to tell you what’s available in your local area, or you can get in touch with Cruse Bereavement on 0844 477 9400 or helpline@cruse.org.uk

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

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