Hi I lost my mum in September, she was 89 years old. She died quite suddenly, I had seen her the day before and she seemed okay. Early the next morning I had a call from the paramedics to say that she had passed away. After the shock and speaking to the staff at the care home my mum had got up washed and dressed then her breathing changed they called for an ambulance but she passed away even before they arrived. Christmas has been very hard and it’s my birthday in a few days which I’m not looking forward too.
I’ve not been able to cry properly but my mood has been low at times but also I feel angry quite a lot of the time too. Please tell me this is normal.
I am so sorry for your loss and I understand completely the shock and the emotions you are feeling.
I lost my wonderful Mum in September too. Like yours, she was fine but her breathing suddenly worsened that night and I got her to hospital. Sadly, although the hospital tried, they couldn’t do anything for her and she contracted sepsis and passed away within 24 hours.
The shock was just enormous. I still feel a sense of disbelief now that it has happened, knowing I’ll never see or talk to her again. Sometimes it’s too hard to bear.
Don’t worry about not crying. The tears will come when they are ready. Everyone’s grief is different and you will deal with it in your own way. There is no right or wrong way to do it, only your way. There is no normal way to feel as we are all different, and however you feel is totally valid.
I’m not surprised you are angry either. You are most likely still in shock and are looking for someone or something to blame. I know I did. Let the anger out, but in a safe way - shout, scream whatever you need to do, otherwise it will only eat away at you.
I hope you have good friends and family to help you through this, and remember, it’s one step at a time however small that step may be.
Keep posting because there are many in the community who knows how you feel, and are able to offer you their support and advice. I know they’ve all helped me.
