I lost my mum to cancer

I lost my mum 4 months ago. I haven’t been able to grieve my mum as my family has relied on me to be the strong one. I pretend I’m fine when really I’m screaming inside. I was with her when she died and it’s all I see she was my best friend and brilliant grandma. I’m sad all the time

Hi Steph,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your mum, and that you feel you haven’t been able to grieve. Lots of people feel that they have to ‘be strong’ and pretend to be fine, but it can actually make things worse in the long run.

It sounds as though you could really do with someone you can open up to. How do you think your family would react if you did share your grief with them a little more? Or perhaps you have close friend you could talk to?

I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as this is one place you definitely don’t need to put on a brave face, and I hope it can be a good outlet for your feelings. There are lots of other users here who will understand some of what you are going through. While you wait for more replies to your post, you might find it helpful to read and reply to other posts by people who have lost a parent, for example:

Jen lost her dad: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/struggling-dads-death

Sam and others in this conversation have lost their mums: https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/lost-without-my-mum

If there’s anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this site, just let me know.

Priscilla
Community Manager

Hi Steph. I was lucky enough to have a mum who was my best friend as well. I lost my beautiful mum 5 months ago this week and still feel like I’m on auto pilot most of the time trying to pretend I’m ok because that’s what people expect. It’s like you’re doing things but there’s a big part of you that feels empty. I remember my mum telling me it took over a year for her to get over the death of her mum so I guess we are still in early days. be kind to yourself in the meantime. Xx

Lost my mum in December and my world fell apart. Some days are better than others but I’ve cried a lot (usually in bed once my daughter/ husband can’t see). I’ve found great support talking to friends but talking hasn’t really helped me much…
I mostly want to scream and punch things- I get waves of anger, sadness, & disbelief. I went for a run and actually did scream at the top of my lungs in a field and felt so much better. I have recently started boxing too. Between the tears it’s really helped me get things out! don’t be too strong- please lean on your family & try and find an outlet that helps you. I know my sister tries to be the strong one for all and I’m so worried about her not giving herself the space to grieve… everyone’s worried about everyone.
Do be kind to yourself, that’s such great advice! Everyone is different but I hope you find something that helps you. Not sure Time is a healer, think you get used to living with the gaping hole and the pain. It’s a badge of honour though as clearly we were all lucky enough to have wonderful mums.
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