Hi I lost my partner in January this year and I am finding it very hard to cope with being on my own. I try to keep busy and go out for walks with the dogs but its not the same we used to do everything together. I just keep crying and find it difficult to get motivated to do anything. I feel like the Robbie Williams song I don’t want to die but I don’t like living either. I just go from day to day. I cant make decisions like I used to and muddle along. Thank you for reading this.
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Hi Cherrydrops,
Having only lost your partner in January it’s not surprising that you’re finding it hard to cope. My husband died very suddenly in November and five months down the line, like you, I feel I am muddling along. Today I went for a walk and it really hit me that I will never walk with my husband again and I felt overwhelmed with grief all over again. we used to love walking together often in lovely locations and I can’t bear to think that’s all in the past. The current crisis isn’t helping anyone of course but for those of us grieving it just emphasises our isolation . I also understand your lack of motivation. looking into the future without your partner is frightening. I try and deal with the here and now rather than the past or the future. Keeping busy with basic jobs rather than making plans is how I function for now. It’s a constant struggle to suppress the panic I feel inside. I just wanted you to know how you are feeling is not unusual. Hopefully this site will help you.
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I lost mine on feb 22nd and i feel the exact same way, Its very early days but it sounds like your doing what you can to keep busy i been doing the same however i fear i had been avoided in inevitable and i have struggled the last few days. Its the small things i miss that all mount up to massive things. I wonder if my heart will stop sinking or feeling like a lead weight. Only time will tell. I chat all the time to my Chip if i didnt i dont think i could cope x
jobar excellent advice x
hi Cherrydrops
very sorry you’ve lost your partner.you will go through all the emotions ,why because
losing your other half the person who made life complete,its devastating losing the one person who you would turn to in times you need comfort ,support or love.
I wish I could tell you these emotions will pass with time,sadly grief as no time limit its very individual to each and every one of us whove lost our soulmate.you will hopefully have family or friends who you can hopefully get a little comfort and support from,as a member of this wonderful site I can tell you there are members who will reach out and try be there for you to try help you a little.you can write whatever you need to,what ever helps ,and you will not be judged by any one,if you go around the site and try reading a few posts you will see that lots and lots of us are experiencing all the emotions involved in losing that special person from your life.some get a little comfort knowing others are in exactly the same position.you can see that some have found ways to get through each day and live a normalish existence whilst others are barely coping .and what ever will suit one might not suit another.sadly this lockdown with the epidemic as blocked off many avenues of support
and isolated us even more,we haven’t even got the choice to do lots of things.but just know that we members will do our best to show you that there are people who care and will be there for you when we can.sorry if ive caused any undo offence or hurt ,please try stay safe
regards
ian
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Hi Jianye thank you for your reply. No offense or hurt given. I know lots of people are in the same boat and it does help to read their posts. Yes with the lockdown it is difficult to access services and friends and family. I’m not very good on my own. I feel a burden to my family who have their own lives even though they say I can ring them anytime. I know it is selfish of me but I wish he was here. Thank you.
your very welcome,wish there was an easy fix or I had a magic wand and able to bring back all our loved ones.we will just have to find ways to cope or try exist as best we can.if you like mixing and it helps ,there are a few topics on here were there 100s of replies and responses are posted regularly and it helps them all.not really my cup of tea although I will try respond and say some thing if I think I can help a little.im sorry you also feel a burden to your family,maybe just call them once every few days for a few minutes if that helps a little.
having been on this site several months ,some families are of no support at all infact they add to the stresses of losing your partner.but others do there best,sadly unless they are in your shoes they cannot know how you are really feeling.i could explain and try convey my pain to anyone as even though ive posted lots of my own topics its only the tip of the ice burg.
but hopefully we will all find ways to get through each and every day and maybe learn to cherish those memories we had of the wonderful times we had with the loved one we lost.
regards
ian
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Hi Cherrydrops and everyone,
Nothing prepares you for what we are going through. A couple of months ago I could not imagine the massive change in my life, and how my entire outlook has changed. I I don’t actually feel like the same person; our loved ones make us whole, and we are confident in their love for us.
The only way through at the moment I feel is to just focus on one moment at a time. Don’t be afraid to have a good cry, it helps. Like you, I rarely cried before, but I seem to be making up for lost time! We are all here for each other.
Clare x
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Hi Clare 325
I can relate completely to being a different person. I do not recognise myself and my reactions at all. It’s 21 weeks today that my husband died suddenly and it still feels unreal. Correspondence referring to my ‘late’ husband seems surreal. I am the opposite to you in my reactions. The only time I have cried is when I first saw my husband at the hospital after he had died. I had arrived hoping to find him recovering following a phone call from a policeman to say he had collapsed. That moment of realisation that he was dead was like a switch had been flicked. I used to cry quite easily but it’s as if that part of my brain has shut down. I know I am in denial and am terrified that if I start crying I will never stop.
All of us on this site will have been changed forever, learning to live new lives that we had never imagined and never wanted. For me support from people who truly understand is the first step and invaluable.
Take care
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burden is a strong word you are not a burden to your family. My girls have started to move on so i feel i cant talk to them as much they are still there for me. this site is a godsend because you can let it all out and someone is always there to listen. Never feel like a burden at the moment you need people to lean on. I have become the child in my house and my daughter is the mother but at the moment i feel like a child i need help xx
Jobar
We all grieve in different ways i believe you have put up a barrier to cope you will have tears but you will stop. i have days when i remember chip and all his weird ways and his one liners and i smile. I look at his picture and chat away. Other days the strain is tremendous the weight is unbearable. I feel sad low tired i look at chips pictures and my heart feels like its missing beats. then i get the i will never do that again with chip in my head. I miss him so much but i feel sorry for chip, im still here and he missing out. Its good to cry you need to when the time is right. our lifes are different now even shopping is hard because i used to shop for chip what he liked. We have to start again and the thought is terrifying because each and everyone of us thought we would grow old with our partners. I have become jealous of others. I am nowhere near coping but i think to myself mom was with dad 45 years and she managed, it was hard and she still grieves for him now but its a grief she can live with x
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I relate to everyone corresponding- it’s hard very hard and I hope there will be some light at the end of the tunnel 14 months since I lost my husband of 40 years and I thought I was starting to make a little progress but the Coronavirus situation appears to have set me back and the tears have started flowing again. Someone advised me to try and be kind to myself but along with another correspondent on the site we are both trying to find out how to be kind to ourselves when overwhelmed by such loneliness and anxiety- when I’ve figured it out i will report back. Sadly we can only work through our grief one day at a time with a little help from others - stay safe
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the trouble with having to stay home, is being home just reminds you of whats missing your loved one the one you would have talked to watched films with maybe played cards or games the one you would turn to for comfort. maybe sat in the garden and had a cuppa with. I miss chip so much because it was him who i would have spoke to about all this thats going on. we have lost our best friends x
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I totally agree Karie. We were all vulnerable before this covid 19 crisis developed. It couldn’t be a worse time to lose the love of our life.
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its like torture on top of torture
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It really brings it home the shear loneliness is overwhelming I go for my daily walk alone and find myself really envious when I see couples out for their daily exercise together I’m jealous and find myself all the more despondent- I have a wonderful caring family who I can’t see and they can’t visit . I’m going to stop moaning now as it feels so selfish feeling like this when there areso many people in the same position as myself and so much suffering. One day at a time
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MARILYN
please moan as much as you like its not moaning your expressing your feelings and i agree i cant stand to see couples. I am so jealous. why them and not me its hard but its how we feel. your not alone in this x
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More couples than ever are walking together. It just emphasises what we have lost. I am insanely jealous and turning into someone I would never have recognised.
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Yes Jobar, I have never been a jealous person, but with the added insult to injury with Covid 19 it seems to bring out the worst in us. I suppose we are going to experience every emotion in our grief.
I was thinking the other day about the afterlife, and where my husband might be now. One of his past girlfriends died a few years ago, I was wondering if they might find each other and found myself becoming jealous of this ‘possibility’. Strange times. I suppose the fact that we recognise this in ourselves is a good thing, we know it’s not our usual trait.
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Clare please dont think that way. I have always wondered when someone who had a few partners go to heaven who they would choose if you believe you were your partners soul mate then no doubt in my mind he be waiting for you. As for the couples thing is we all feel the same infact id go as far to say i hate them i hate what they have but i wonder how many times someone looked at me and chip thought the same xx
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