I lost his big sister 24 hrs ago I don’t know what to do.
I cannot get the images out of my head as I had to watch her pass away. In pain and unable to speak. I’m heart broken every thing seems dark. How do you start to get over losing your big sister
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Hello Moonlight, sorry for loss, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my brother in February. He had a massive heart attack and I saw him die. I tried to save him, but I failed. I too cannot get the image out of my head. Sorry to say it, but we will not get over our loss. I just wish it would get a bit better soon. Please do not drink any alcohol, it does not work. - Nick
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Hi @Moonlight, welcome to the Community. I am so sorry for your loss.
It’s important to take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. I would like to suggest you check out our recently launched Grief Self-Help Service which you may find helpful, especially in these early days. It has some really useful information to help you cope with what you are going through right now.
Using the search facility here on the community forum is a good way of finding discussions that may offer you some solace. You will meet many people like Nick22 who have experienced similar loss and will understand much of what you are going through. I hope you continue to find it a source of guidance and support.
Take care,
Mick
Online Community team
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Dear Moonlight, I witnessed my younger Sister go into cardiac arrest in the hospital. They revived her once, but it was not to be. I will forever be haunted by that image. Your loss is so fresh, and as I remember those first few days I was in a fog, and still believed she would be coming back.
I hope you have support, and I am glad you found this forum. It has been a tremendous help to me since my loss. Keep posting. You are not alone. Xxx Another Sad Sister
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So sorry about your loss Nick. I agree we will never get over the loss of our beloved siblings. We lose a part of ourselves when they die, and we are left with the pain and emptiness. Take care, XX Sister2
Moonlight and Nick-Just a bit of information, This site also has a “Sibling Loss” category. There you will find many others who share in our type of loss.
My heart goes out to both of you.
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Hi Moonlight…I lost my younger sister on July 13th. She had a sudden internal brain injury out of nowhere…just on her day off…she was in hospital for 4 weeks after extensive surgery but she was brain dead so we had to let her go. I lost my mum 18 months ago and our oldest brother on 2017…from cancer (I was his end of life carer). I still have my third sibling left…a brother. My dad died suddenly in 2007 from heart attack. I get grief. Its a monster to be wrestled down using a wide range of strategies. It’s the new enemy, but if we know our enemy we can learn to outwit it some of the time and find a way through…this time around I’m experiencing anxiety and am now looking at strategies to cope with that. Take strength in the hope that you can learn to live with this and on some days you will feel you have cut off the monster’s head. To begin the journey know that for today its OK to be exactly where you are. All rest and comfort to you. X
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Hello Sister2, sorry for answering so late, but I was not well and I ended up in hospital. A neighbour had to drive me to the hospital because the pain was so bad and I could not wait for 22 hours for the ambulance. - They had to take out a bit of my intestines. It was a close call. Just a bit too close for my liking. I was told, an hour later and I would have died. - I will not be on this site for a while but will be back. I just need some more time to recover. - Nick
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So sorry Nick. It is not unusual to fall ill after a traumatic loss. Our entire being seems to have been assaulted causing our immune system to break down. I am glad you got help and I wish you a full recovery. If you see this–I thank you for responding to my post. Take care and hope to see you back on the forum soon. XxxSister2
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Hello Sister2, I just found an interesting article on a website and thought you might like to read it. “How Grief Shows Up In Your Body” https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind.
It mainly says what you where writing, but I thought it might still be of interest to you. I found it very interesting and wondered what else grief can do. - I hope you do not mind, and tell me off if you do. I know that you lost your beloved younger sister to cancer in May of 2018. - How are you coping after 4 years. I did read that some get stuck in grief. And at the moment it feels as if have not progressed either. It was different when our mother died of cancer in 2007. I did feel the first improvement after about three months, but I cannot feel it with my brother. We too where very close like you and your sister. The only difference is that I was the younger one by about 5 years (I am 70 now). For me it feels just like yesterday. Every time I try to do something like giving away my brother’s leather jackets or just look for some documents, I get punished by my own feelings. The only time I felt different was when I was in hospital and pumped full strong painkillers. I guess it does not help that one of brothers cats is ill. His kidneys are failing. Another of his cats only died eight month ago. - It is true, it never rains but it pours. - Sorry for the long post, I only wanted to pass on the link of the article. - Nick
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Thank you Nick for that informative article. Of course I do not mind, we are all on this forum to help each other any way we can. In this lonely time of grief it is always nice to know someone is thinking of us. You ask how I am getting on (thank you) For me no amount of time will ease this pain. Friends were brilliant in the beginning but now rarely ask how I am. I understand they have their own families and lives. We also lost our mum in 2012 (cancer) and as heart wrenching as it was, I had my younger sister to grieve with, and together we got through it. She was younger yet wiser beyond her years. I am lost without her. I am sorry to hear about the cats, my Sister & I always had cats and loved them dearly. I imagine losing the cats is like losing another part of your brother all over again. Too much loss. Take care Nick and I hope your health is improving. X Sister2
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Hi Sister2, thank you for your reply. You wrote " Friends were brilliant in the beginning", same here. But, I am lucky in a way. I gained two more friends since y brother died. One is my brother neighbour and the other one lives in the same road as I do. Without my brother neighbour I would not be alive today. She is the one who drove my to the hospital. And, without the neighbour in my road I would die of starvation. (Still might happen, I do not eat enough.) We often go shopping together. The other day, she dragged me out of my house and we had a coffee and cake in the local charity shop. I did get laughs when I asked for the cake with the most calories. I have to put on weight again. I lost over 30kg since my brother died.
I hope you too have someone to have a coffee with. x Nick
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