i lost my step-dad 5 months ago

hi, i lost my step-dad 5 months ago, he was only 70 and was not ill, he just suddenly died one morning, i helped my mum with everything for the funeral and wrote and spoke a speech, i am on 37 and this suddenly wasnt something i was prepared for, i thought i was a long way from this yet, i am really struggling lately, i am sure i am yet to process this properly, it still doesnt feel real at all just a horrible dream, how is it possible the man who helped raise me from the age of 5 is now gone.

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So sorry to hear this, kaldridge. I understand, as I’m only 39 and we lost my fit, active, competent, amazing dad in November. It’s such a shock. It was due to medical negligence - he was having appointments in primary care but they weren’t investigating him for cardiac causes, which is what it turned out to be. It’s a terrible tragedy. All I can advise is taking one day at a time. :yellow_heart:

Thank you your reply, its strange because i believe my step dad was neglected by his doctor, he went to uis doctor 2 days before be died complaining of abnormal bloating, they said he could have a scan in 2 weeks time, 2 days later he was gone

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That’s terrible :disappointed:.

There’s a thread in the ‘losing a partner’ section, about sudden cardiac arrests.

It really does feel like this is some bizarre parallel world. A nightmare. I had begun to dread losing my parents, simply because I knew they couldn’t be around forever. But my dad’s dad lived to 99, and my dad was the fittest person in his 70s that I knew. Not a thing wrong with him. No medication. But a blocked artery, the symptoms of which were consistently missed by the non-medically qualified trainee he was being seen by. :rage: It’s like living in a horror story - your best friend and parent no longer being here because his surgery didn’t value his life enough to give him a GP appointment.

Prior to that, a school friend’s dad died of prostate cancer after being fobbed off at the same surgery. I warned my parents, and told them I wasn’t happy with them being patients there. But I never for a moment thought that his symptoms were potentially life threatening. Not being medically qualified, I’m not supposed to know these things. That’s their job, at the surgery.

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The whole medical system is a mess, it makes me very angry

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I agree 100%.

I don’t know how we’re supposed to manage. I went to a 1st birthday party today. It’s probably the second gathering I’ve been to (the first was a 40th birthday gathering) since the terrible events of November. I was the first to leave, but I managed to stay for 3 hours. At times it was fine, but a lot of the time I couldn’t help but cry. I was surrounded by lovely people, and I managed to keep it under control. Potentially only my best friend and her fiance (who lost his mum when he was 21) saw me cry.

I just had a quick Google and found this.

I’m honestly lost and so confused, i’m not even sure i am excepted it and started griefing none of this seems real

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Same, same. It doesn’t make sense. Even though I understand the chain of events.

I am now petrified that i will lose my mum and i’m terrified of losing my nan i know it wont be long i just dont think i would cope

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Same here: my mum has some health conditions; my dad had no health conditions and really good genes (his dad lived to 99, his mum lived to 88 but she had Alzheimers (not the type that can be inherited).