I lost my wife

I have just read the post by Malc. I too was married for 45 years and my wife died 6 weeks ago on her 72 birthday. The day before we were planning a party to celebrate. I am finding it very hard to come to terms with. She was my life, and social organiser. My friends were really her friends and in this Corona virus disaster, where clubs aren’t meeting I am finding it very difficult to meet new people, especially who are prepared to talk about my situation.
Like Malc’s wife was I am still waiting for a hip operation ( it was just cancelled again).
It would be good to contact new people who know how it feels.

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Hi Mike 1
How it feels to be broken in two and knowing no amount of glue can put us back together. It is beyond sadness. 45 years is a long time but never enough. We all know that one day either one of us will leave the other but not through choice it is not in our hands. But that gets pushed aside at the time and days roll on until one day we are thrust into this misery. I am 10 weeks in not as bad as it was the first weeks month but still have moments quite a few during day often due to a thought a memory or what could have been.
But for now i take it as it is I cant do anything with it.
I am not sociable so am fortunate in that respect but, but , but so many buts.

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Hi tillwemeetagain,
Thanks for your post. It helps to know that there are others living through a similar situation. I find it most difficult during the day if I don’t have anything to fill my time and having messages as a response or responding to them helps fill a small slot. As you say, a few days is not long enough for the pain to fade and we must hope it does in the long term, although the memories of 45years will never fade. You say you are not sociable but you are the first responder to my post which must make you feel special. Sorry if I am blathering on but it is how I am at the moment. Take care.

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Hi Mike1
The memories although sad because in the beggining its more about memories of what happened in time slowly the good ones appear if only briefly but hopefully in time replace the now sad ones a.
Filling time i find concentrating on one thing impossible so have many things on the go but one day will finish at least one. Not today not to soon.
Special Indeed :blush: i have a small social circle but often like alone time.
Your not blabbering just talking and say whatever comes to mind for however long you can write. It doesnt matter if it long or short

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Hi Mike 1
I lost my wife 8 weeks ago & like you I would have been celebrating my wedding Anniversary mine is this Sunday it would have been 23 years.
My wife was diagnosed in Aug 2019 with Metastatic breast Cancer that had gone to her bones she was only 51 & like you with this Virus it is hard as there are no Bereavement groups.
We have a 13 year old Daughter we are both suffering & yes it is part of me that is missing & absolutely heartbroken.
Good luck for the future I hope some groups open up for you.

Thanks for your comments. It doesn’t matter how we lose them the pain seems to be the same. Talking with someone who has lost his wife for whatever reason is a more understanding discussion than those who have not suffered the loss.
Concentrating on anything is hard, you seem to always drift back to the same subject, especially if you wake up in the middle of the night ( which I do, usually several times) . My daughter is older and I have two grandchildren so she is occupied with her own family as well as grieving. I wish I could help her more as she is, with her husband, being very good to me.
We all keep going back to memories, good and hard.
I hope your good memories keep coming.
Waiting for groups to restart may take a while, let’s hope not too long!

Hello Mike
This loneliness is horrible. I live in a small place near the sea, most people know each other and the ones we knew/know have been kind, caring, considerate but when I am back in our flat it all seems pointlesd. I am so sorry for your loss and understand some of how you feel. I am here if I can help and I hope that others are able to help too. Maybe it is a case of muddling through together?

Hello malc 39200, it’s not perfectly clear but I assume you have also lost your wife. I don’t know if it was as recent as my loss - 7 weeks. Today would have been our anniversary and it was a hard day to get through, as everyone says you have to get used to it.

I have my better day not good Days but I think we all miss our wives just asking my wife Tanya for advice of what we should do or things with my daughter who is 14 just advice to do with her.
Yes I agree %100 the loneliness is horrible .
I have up work to look after Tanya my wife but my Daughter is back to school and I come home from taking her to school & the house is so empty.
We are all going through grief & I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy.
I hope there are groups opening soon for all of us where ever we live because like all of us unless any one has been through bereavement they struggle to understand & friends try but are not sure what to day to you.
I have Tanya’s ashes in a personalised casket in the sitting room & people may think I am mad but I talk to her even though she can’t talk back to me I just wish she could so she could tell me if I am doing things Wright by my Daughter.
Good luck to you all & hope you find comfort in whatever groups you do.

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Yes, it was 5 weeks ago when I lost Rose. We had been married almost 45 years, our anniversary would have been August 30th.Though she had been ill for some time none of her medical matters were life threatening, but her immune system became compromised after a fall some weeks before in a and e. We think she contracted an infection which led to complete organ failure. The infection was not Covid 19, or anything related, but combined with other symptoms, diabetes, gastroenteritis etc her body turned on itself. It all happened very quickly.
I am sorry for your loss too. Though we were both mid 60s, we had so many things we wanted to do once she had her 2nd hip operation and recovered. Sadly, she never go that far. We had been together 49 years altogether and I miss her all the time. She was a retired nurse and taught me so much.

Yes Mike, I ve put a longer reply to you just now. Five weeks. Sorry to hear about your loss too.

So Sorry for all your pain gents.
I feel guilty if I smile or laugh sometimes I have not listened to the radio in the car for a long time.
My wife was my rock & my best friend as well.
Good luck gents.

Our anniversary was yesterday. Waking up to the empty house was even more difficult, especially after a poor sleep. You have to keep going for your daughter. My daughter is older and does her best for me and we must remember however old they are, they are going through their own grief as well. As fathers we must do our best to help them as well.
My daughter and her M-in-L came round later and spent a couple of hours sorting through my wife’s things. We were always sorting things to give to charity shops and I think it is what she would have wanted.
You are not mad talking to your wife, we can hope they are listening and approve, if it helps you should do it.
I can only hope we all find our way through this difficult time.

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Thanks very much for that.

I have been having a few really tough days emotionally lately I thought I was coming to terms with loosing my Darling Tanya but I was wrong I am trying my absolute best but feeling lonely & afraid of what the future holds without Tanya
As she was my life my best friend & I worry about my Daughter as it is her 14th Birthday this week & she should have her Mum here to share it.
Bloody Cancer they can send people to the moon but they cant find a cure for Cancer my wife was 51 years old and I should have had a lot more years with her but we all feel that our wives were taken to early.
I have never experienced pain like this before & the hearbreak.
So sorry to go on about me as you gents are feeling your own pain.
Good luck to you all from the bottom of my heart.

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Don’t be sorry we all feel the same and the only thing that stops us going mad is that others suffer the same. I am constantly being told I have to come to terms with the loneliness by doing it myself. My wife was older than yours but I still feel we should have had more years together. You have to help your daughter through it, I also have grandchildren to help. Keep thinking of your daughter and you will eventually get to a better place, as I hope to.

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Thank you.

It’s OK, we all need to blow out sometimes. I usually feel a bit better after.

Yet again tonight iam comforted by the thought that I am not alone in my grief. I lost my wife 9 weeks ago to Pancreatic Cancer. We scattered her ashes (me and our Son) last week and afterwards to fulfil her desire I have started reading her old diaries. 28 years to read well only up to April year 1 and I Love her even more. She told me when to expect the rough bits

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That is a wonderful post Simon68. I am so sorry for your liss, it has only been just over five weeks for me, I am in tears reading your post because I can see you love her. My Rose and I had been together almist all of our lives and I am thankful for every second we spent together. I have many of Rose’s diaries, I have only just begun to read them, she made many notes and even recorded some of her recent experiences. She was a warm, loving and funny lady who made many friends, which has made things easier for me, but every night I write a little note on my phone to her because I miss being able to tell her I love her. Your post has given me a bit of hope. Thank you.

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