Hi yes I try to go to friends when invited but I struggle as they are couples & that is so hard & yes I am jealous & itheartbreaking that I have not got that anymore.
I know how you feel. I lost my husband 5months ago. I am totally lost and lonely without him. I am finding it hard to carry on without him.
Diane08
I lost my husband in June and itās very hard. Iām struggling at night and weekends as I miss him being with me in the house. I donāt want to go to partyās or get togethers as itās too hard to see couples so happy and together
Hi Diane.
Yes I completely understand where you are coming from it feels awful with couples around you.
I have anti depressants to take at night i am not sure if they do any good but I am scared not to take them in case it is taking the edge of things.
Take care of yourself.
Hi Diane08, so sorry for your loss, itās a dreadful time so lonely, I find it tough around couples almost embarrassed to be there, everything comes rushing back itās horrible I avoid the situation now.
It helps to read the posts on here, everyone understands and is on the same terrible journey. Take care
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Hello Martyn i am very sorry for your loss and i know all too well what you are going through. I lost Caroline my wife to Bowel Cancer in May 2019. We had been married just under 29 years and we had two boys and two girls who are now between 30 and 21. Thankfully i still have my two loving daughters living with me who keep me going every day. I am surrounded by people but still feel lonely for the loss of Caroline. The hurt doesnāt go away, you just learn to except the loss.
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Hi Martyn1, I wish there was somewhere people like us could meet in groups to talk properly but there seems to be no where. Only people going through it truly understand. Even my councillor doesnāt seem to know of meet ups. Do you feel the same? Does anyone out there think there it would be good? The only local one to me is not operating at the moment.
Hi Diana yes it would be nice to see & talk to people face to face people that have been through all our experience and grief can be ourselves and if we get upset there is no judging at all.
I just checked where you are. Not far from me. We have a group in Newbury but not meeting at moment. Wonder how we could get group going?
It would be good to meet and chat with people going through this terrible time, I donāt think there is a group local to me?
Sorry to hear. I too lost my wife to cancer nearly 4 years ago, the cancer also caused her to be paralysed. It was a 2 way blow. There is no hard and fast rules that help you get over your grief, you have 3 daughters that will be hurting as well and if you can sit and talk and bring out the emotions it can help though is not going to take the hurt away. People say it takes time, that is true to an extent, what I found after June passed was something would happen and for a moment Iād be like oh I need to tell June then remember she wasnāt here anymore. That was hard to take. Days do get better but there is no timescale of when that will be, I still miss June everyday but I find Iām more and more ātalkingā to her. There is just no magic wand to get you through this, unfortunately, and everybody takes a different path to get to some sort of normality though Iād suspect all of us who have lost a wife/husband itāll never be totally normal. Take care there is great support on this forum.
Hi I lost my husband Dan of 42 years 5 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer itcwas such a shock in January to be told out of the blue he had 3 to 6 months to live ā¦ He made 5 I cared for him at home it was hell watching him suffer every day the pain was relentless ā¦
I miss him so much I canāt focus on anything canāt eat or sleep just cry all the time I hate being on my own. Life has no purpose anymore ā¦I have 2 grown up sons who are supporting me but they are grieving too ā¦ everyone keeps telling me time is a great healer but I donāt want to hear that ā¦ Iām heart broken
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Hello Pammee,
Welcome to the Sue Ryder community and Iām so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband to cancer. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed with sadness.
Iām glad that youāve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. Thereās more information about this service here: www.sueryder.org/counselling
Take care,
Susannah
Online Community team
Hi pammee, So sorry for your loss, the worst of times, I lost the love of my life in April to cancer it was so quick a matter of weeks, I too am devastated things are getting worse as times goes on I have 3 daughterās Iām only here for them, Iām so lonely, friends and family are very rarely in contact anymore, I canāt see a future, and donāt really want one without my lady, I feel for you and know exactly how youāre feeling take care
There are no words than can help just now. Life is too raw but the best is just take it day by day. There will be bad days but if you have a āgoodā day donāt feel guilty, I was racked with guilt if I had a day that I felt was not too bad. I lost my wife,June to cancer 4 years ago what made it worse was the nerves were trapped onto her spine so she became paralysed as well. For somebody that was so active that was a killer blow. I could see her going down hill near the end pretty rapidly, though she never said to me if she was in pain (kept it from me to protect me) At the end the best I could muster was at least she wasnāt in pain any more. We got told she was terminal before she was told and I think from that exact moment I was on auto pilot had to as strong for her as it was her life and we still had so much we wanted to do. Iāve felt some strenght from posting on here, even though Iām usualy in tears by the end of it. It does seem to cleanse the soul as they say.
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I lost my wife June last year and it seems like yesterday, it never goes away all you can do is try to live with it. We went on holiday to Malta in February 20 but that was the start of her downfall, she picked up a chesty cough and see her Gp when we got home, she ended up in hospital and after a scan the cancer had returned. While we were in Malta we danced to Ed Sherrans song Perfect, while we danced she whispered in my ear listen to the words he could have written the song about us, I was in my local club on Saturday night and someone played it on the jukebox, it floored me and I ended in tears as the first thing I thought of was that night in Malta. This is what is going to be like for the rest of my life, itās hard
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Hi
So sorry for your loss. It is a hard journey 16 months since I lost my husband to cancer I never thought I would go on but I have itās certainly a different difficult life like you say one day at a time.
Take care
that must have been so hard for you. now whether youāll be able to listen to the song without breaking down, who knows. My wife,also June, had a song and when I hear it always end in flood of tears but I kinda feel better after it. It meant so much to us over the years, there is no way I couldnāt listen to it even though the end result. Thing I can say it really meant something to your wife and your life together. Try take some comfort from that. I donāt know the song so have no idea what the words are, though Iāll check it out, but it meant something to her. Know what you mean with the jukebox experience. If I hear something coming on and know it will be a struggle to stop the flood gates I always make an excuse to go to the loo. The only help/advice we all give to each other is just a day at a time. There is just no road map out of what oyur going through and you need to go at your own pace. There will be setbacks but they will become less and less. Take care. Remember everybody on here has gone or is going through what you are dealing with. Coming on here can be a small step back to helping the healing process.
Hi Kim, thanks for replying and yes itās a very changed life, we were married 45 years and I must have been shopping with her hundreds of times but shopping now is a night mare, shopping for one is horrible. Just one silly thing, another one that I find it hard is the lonelyness, if I am out when I come home and suddenly realise that sheās not there thatās when it hits me, the number of times I have made two cups of tea is a lot, I am the loneliest person in a room full of friends. You will get through it I hope and stay safe. Bob
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Hi Ken, you are right coming on here has helped me a lot. Itās good to know that my feelings were not just me but a lot of people as well. It is getting easier each day but itās because I am learning to live with the pain. Hope you are keeping fine and again thanks for your comment. Bob
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