I lost someone today

I lost someone I loved today and I feel broken. It was a complicated situation but I’ve still lost him. Does anyone have any advice?

Hi Diane. I also have lost my partner of 30 years suddenly last November 2018. I know how hard it is and so unfair. I just go one day at a time. Dealing with all the paperwork was so stressful. I feel like everything is unreal and he hasn’t really gone and I expect him to come home from work as usual. Sometimes I just don’t want to get out of bed, but I have two rescue dogs, who needs me. Taking them for a walk is the only way I leave the house. I try to keep busy and cuddle my dogs. How to cope with the grief is different for everyone. I look at his photo and talk to him, even shout at him when I feel angry. There are so many emotions to go through. I am seeing a counsellor once a month which is helpful. I am really sorry for your loss and I know none of this will really help you, but you are not alone. X

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Hello Diane
I lost my husband 11 days ago - and time has become a blur - sometimes it feels longer sometimes like yesterday. I know I am still in shock - but these board really help as you realise you are in the same situation as so many. And some people have far more harrowing stories than me.
Like Jano - I lost my partner suddenly and unexpectedly so can relate to how she feels that he is going to come back through the door. I feel like that too. But unlike her I cannot stay in bed - after four or five hours sleep I have to get up as I keep going over and over things in my head so have to make myself busy.
Each loss is so personal and so different I think we all deal with it differently - I know I am feeling very different from when I lost my dad - 28 years ago and my mum five . Today I am thinking about what to do with all his stuff. Because I am expecting him back - not really of course - I cannot touch anything yet - but on the otherhand I want to - so suppose will wait to see. Fear too plays such a big part in our futures now - but again thinking too closely is scary.
I am not far enough down the road to offer advice - but lots of people here will help if they can.
Trisha

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Diane…I lost my partner of 19 years suddenly to a heart blockage just 5 weeks ago, he died in his armchair after taking our dog to the pet groomers with the intention of going back to collect him in a couple of hours time…The dog has been re-homed to a lovely couple not far away who has another dog and his car has now been collected to be taken back to his car company 150 miles away from where we had moved from only 3 years to start a fresh life since my diagnoses of PP-Multiple Sclerosis 4 years ago at the late age of 64, on the exact same date as my partner passed away just 4 years later…I also lost a dog 10 years ago on the exact same date, so to say 11th April will always be remembered by me for all the sad reasons will be an understatement…

Jackie…

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Hi. Diane. Yes, keep coming here among all these kind and understanding people. You need to unload as often as you want and this is about the only place where we are all together in the same situation. Hang in there. Very difficult at this moment. There will be times when you just have to let it out and we will listen I promise. Take care and take it easy. My words are totally inadequate at this moment I know. But everyone here knows how you feel, if that’s just a little comfort it helps.

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Thank you for your kind words. I hope things get easier for you

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I’m so edit your loss. I hope you get comfort from the fact that your reply has helped me. It’s so horrible feeling so lost

Diane…
…the only advice I can offeris that like you, I came across this wonderful forum, of which before I felt as if I was th only one who had just lost somebody close suddenly and without warning, of which I now know that others are or have been in a similar situation…

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Oh dear I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s strange how everything happened on the same date. I hope things start to get easier for you

Diane…
…the only advice I can offer is, that like you, I came across this wonderful forum, of which before I felt as if I was the only one who had just lost somebody close suddenly and without warning, of which I now know that others are or have been in a similar and sad situation…This forum that I found only a few days ago is giving me some for of comfort and belonging where we can give each other support-comfort and a virtual if not actual hug or two…

Jackie…

Jackie. I had only known Frank for 1 year but I loved him dearly. He helped me get over the loss of my husband. He cheated and left me which in some ways is worse than him dying because it made a mockery of the 28 years we spent together and it felt like a lie. I was very lost when I met frank but he helped me and I loved him dearly. He had cancer and was ill but his death was still very unexpected

Thank you for your kind words Jonathan. It does help

Hi Trisha,
I have been really struggling for the past week. It’s like I’m in a dream and hopefully I will wake up and everything will be back to normal. I am not eating properly, only comfort food. I am tired and keep thinking of the what ifs. It hurts that i couldn’t even tell him how much I loved him. I just take one day at a time, that’s all you can do. You don’t have to rush to do anything, just do things at your own pace. That’s one thing I have learnt to do. Also I found it useful to write my thoughts down, angry, sad, and if I read it back one day it probably won’t make sense but it helped me. Thinking of you. Jan xx

Hi Jan
Thank you for your message - the support you and others offer on these pages is amazing - and I am so grateful for all the help and encouragement. Today is hard - it is the first time I have been in the house on my own - daughter is back at work which is the best thing for her - and son has gone home for a couple of days. I am worried about him as he has been so strong for us all and I think it is really starting to hit him. But I know how fortunate I am to have them both.
Those what ifs are awful. We just go over things again and again in our mind - getting nowhere and ending up feeling worse - if that is possible. I am constantly going over the if onlys too - and rerunning the day. It just hurts so much doesn’t it. I too have been writing things down - but it is such a scribble that I doubt if I can read it properly but it does help - it is like talking to them. Which I have done lots of this morning.
I am at my lists again today. Off to solicitors, back to funeral directors, and now worried about security (he was always here) so have booked in for an alarm service etc. And of course I am not organised at all - lost the passports this morning - and a debit card… both found but minor panic for a while. I have always had a habit of tucking things away safely… and then forgetting where I put them. Gary was always very patient with me - but I heard him sighing sometimes! Finding it hard today - and I am so sorry I could not tell Gary how much I loved him either. I hope they know that - I think they can still feel it coming from us - as I can feel it from him. It is just awful that they are not there to hug.
I have not eaten properly either - mind you that has not done me any harm - he spoilt me with his cooking - and it showed! He did not consider it dinner if it did not contain meat. But my daughter is vegetarian so when I get back I am going to cook a nice vegetarian curry for her.
I hope you are OK to day - OK is always about the best we can hope .
Trisha x

Tricia…
…the last time me and Richard sang together was Christmas at a Church Carol service…I will cherish that day as we had failed previously with one or two others and had to give up and come back home due to leaving it late to park the car as all spaces were filled up, or we arrived a tad too late just as the service had just started…Sadly this will be our last Christmas together, our last Christmas Carol service, our last MS Christmas lunch we had attended over the previous 2 or 3 years…

Tricia apologies think I meant to have posted my above post to you somewhere else…

I lost my husband on the 13th May 2019. I am still in a state of shock … its unbelievable. We had 20years together. I am so glad for this forum as I feel so alone at time . You can only talk to people so often. As I know I have to go through this journey by myself

Hi Jackie
Do not worry - it is nice to hear from you. What a lovely memory. We will be living on these special memories, Dreading the future Christmas’s I am sure - but the special ones will stay with us.
Made a cake today - that is a first.
Take care
Trisha x

I am even finding now I am talking to Richard as if he is here such as…watching an act on tv and saying to him, i dont think much of these, do you? i am so sure he can see me, can hear me if not answer me…so why oh why am i asking him questions…

Lucy…
…you are not by yourself, we are here for you…For me it will be 6 weeks 4 days ago I lost my partner Richard of 19 years…

Jackie…

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