Glad it’s not just me, I hate feeling like this.
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To everyone posting on here,
I recognise all your feeings so well. , The future looks so bleak and I feel so alone.
.It’s 4 months since my partner of 47 years died suddenly. I still can’t believe it.
Other than paying for shopping I haven’t spoken to anyone since last Wednesday and that was only a few minutes with a fellow dog walker.
Whenever I think.of the months ahead I feel sick and panicky.
I had no idea how awful each day could be, it would have been better if my life had ended the day his did.
I wish there was something i could do or say to help us all.
Take care all of you. Jx
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Hi Jackie,
I have said the same thing, I wish I had gone at the same time as my husband. In a way I did, my life will never be the same again. Everything has changed. How do we ever carry on ? You say the same things I’m thinking.
Hope tomorrow is a better day
Lesley
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Hi Lynn and Lesley I am having the very same thoughts, what is the point to all this saddness, I too am having panic and anxiety attacks, I just cant leave the house people keep telling me to see my GP but I have a medical phobia to, I just cant seem to see a life without out my husband, I hate going to bed at night, and I hate waking in the morning…take care
Love Karen xx
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Hi Karen,
I know that feeling, I hate going to bed, as I don’t sleep much, maybe 1 or 2 hours. Then I dread waking up, as soon as I do wake up it’s like being hit by a train!!! How is this ever going to be any better ? I try to appear to be coping in front of my kids and family, but I’m falling apart inside, it’s just a nightmare that won’t stop.
Lesley
Hi Karen,
I know that feeling, I hate going to bed, as I don’t sleep much, maybe 1 or 2 hours. Then I dread waking up, as soon as I do wake up it’s like being hit by a train!!! How is this ever going to be any better ? I try to appear to be coping in front of my kids and family, but I’m falling apart inside, it’s just a nightmare that won’t stop.
Lesley
Oh Jackie I really do feel you your pain, I am so lonely to, I think most of me went with my husband, I just can’t see ever been any different in the way I feel at the moment, I wish we lived close by each other, people really don’t understand how it feels unless they have suffered this heartache. Take care
Love Karen xx
Hi Lynn
Thank you for your reply. I totally understand what you are saying .life is very cruel to have our loved ones ripped from us in such a quick and tragic way , that to me is criminal.I guess like you the questions you keep asking is why, why me ,why my wife / husband . And like you I feel life is pointless , the emptiness loneliness is getting unbearable . I to keep trying to look at the rest of my life in a positive manner ,but I don’t see any positives. People keep telling me things will get better, the question I ask is have you lost anyone so close ? Someone you loved unconditionally? The answer is no . So how do they know what we are going through what we feel.
Only the people on here know them intense feelings . I really do hope things get better for us Lynn but at the moment we are both really struggling.
Message anytime
Love David
Oh Jackie I really do feel you your pain, I am so lonely to, I think most of me went with my husband, I just can’t see ever been any different in the way I feel at the moment, I wish we lived close by each other, people really don’t understand how it feels unless they have suffered this heartache. Take care
Love Karen xx
Hi David
How have you been today or is that a stupid question? I keep thinking what my husband would want me to be doing and I honestly don’t know, I’m sure my family are getting fed up of me crying and talking about Paul (my husband) I have been for a coffee with my sister and all I seem to see are couples enjoying each other’s company and I think it would be very easy to feel resentment toward them. My sister has a lovely husband and is very happy so I know she just doesn’t get it! What do I have to look forward to? I was so bloody happy but obviously I wasn’t meant to be and Paul had everything to live for, he had just bought a ride on lawnmower and he was delighted with it!! Silly things made us happy.
Love Lynn x
I lost my husband…the love of my life…on Saturday.
He had fought so hard to stay with me…2 1/2 years and 7 differrent chemotherapies later it was a massive infection that took him in a few days.
The only thing i cling to is that we are both off the appalling rollercoaster we have been on…remission, return, new treatment, remission, return, new treatment…hope after hope crushed one after the other.
I wonder why he fought so hard…in the end he left me anyway.
I cant see how I carry on…we were everything to each other.
Hi, what an awful time you both have had. My husband was taken so unexpectedly, so such a shock. I don’t know what’s worse. How are you ? I don’t know how we come to terms with our loss, my husband was the absolute love of my life. We were so in love, even after nearly 40 years together. I miss him more and more, it’s so painful.
Lesley
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Hi, you must have both been through hell together these last couple of years. My husband was taken very suddenly of a heart attack in May and I don’t honestly know which would be worse. My heart breaks for you at this time, the only thing I take comfort in is to talk about about him as much as I can.
Hope you manage to sleep tonight xx
Love Lynn
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Thank you…its still very raw. But I can’t cry much at the moment. I think I knew though…somehow he wasnt going to make it out this time. Im just so angry that he couldnt have more time to do the things he loved…we are a country and western duo and he talked a lot about when we would restart gigging. And getting on his bike and the kayak…but he never got well enough really. Even the remissions werent enough. We did have a wonderful holiday on the Isle of Wight after the first 6 months chemo…we thought he was cured and the weather was perfect. I shall cherish that week forever.
I have an amazing family who all shot down on saturday to see their stepfather…but all of them including his own son missed him…but I didnt. Just before he died although he hadnt been able to say anything, he suddenly calmed down and just caught and held my eyes…it was so wonderful.
Still cant really believe it though…he was so determined he would beat it. And now Im here without him…although Im not really, he may not be physically present but I feel him and he will always be in my heart. I was priveleged to know him and even luckier to be loved so completely by him.
It sounds like you were one very lucky lady, I do believe they never leave our side and I believe that they will show us the way to go on living as they go on living in the spirit world and one day you will be reunited. A couple of times since I lost my husband I have felt his presence and I talk to him, I know it’s not the same but it does give me comfort xx
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Hi Lynn
I am really struggling Lynn to be honest, I like others on here am having dark thoughts . I know you are struggling as well love and I feel for you knowing that you feel the same as I do . I have my wife’s sister and brother in law near by , I love them very much and they have been great with me even though they are grieving, but like you say they are together and can lean and comfort each other, we don’t have that do we love . I like you have no idea what the future holds I just know we are going to struggle for a long time. I wish I had a magic pill for us Lynn ,that would take all this pain away.
Love David x
My heart goes out to all of you. I lost my husband on the 30th of April and I think its only now starting to sink in. When I thinkof my future without him I panic and sometimes wonder what the point is of going on. I am very spiritual but at the moment my faith wavers I do still talk to him and a week after he died he appeared to me in my half waking half sleeping state and impressed the word cupcake on my vision in pink and yellow. Cupcake was one of his names for me. But now I think perhaps it was just my mind playing tricks. I miss him so much I’m having to move on Monday because I cant manage where we lived without him. Life is so full of change and loss at the moment and i feel so Aafraid. My husband always made me feel so safe and loved and I just can’t imagine ever feeling ok again.
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Hi Karen
I lost my beautiful wife last December. Can I recommend a book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Cushner. It helped me with my faith in the weeks after. I too have had spiritual things happen, not least the morning after she died I felt her sit on the bed next to me. My immediate thought was, " you cant sit like that" and immediately an incredible sense of peace came over me the like I have never experienced before or since. I have spoken to 2 Vicars about this both of whom said it is not uncommon and to just go with my feelings. Over the months I have had a number of such experiences all of which have been a comfort. Of course I have had the indescribable feelings of Grief too, Guilt, anger, bitterness, incredible sadness every day. I do feel I will never feel fully happy again, not like I was, but I have written in other places in this community the thought of what I would want for her if our places were reversed, how I would want to see her. This next bit of life cannot be as happy as the part I had with her, but I am resolved to find some degree of the joy of life I would want for her (if she were here and me where she is).
I hope some of that makes sense to you. I did start another thread - Stuff which Helps. Some incredible people have commented. We all need all the help we can get and thank goodness for this community.
Look after and be gentle with yourself… Richard.
This already makes sense to me…my Bear would have wanted me to find some joy in life…even simple things like going up to see the sheep that he loved to hear in the mornings, or watching a buzzard quarter the sky. Ill never find anyone like Ted again…he was unique, everyone loved him…but after this dreadful period is over I will re read your words and try to take comfort…he has been with me a lot over the last few days and I think will continue to be.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Your kind and thoughtful words have helped and I will certainly look for that book. I promised my husband at the end that I woul be ok and that I would make him proud of me so I try to remember my promise when things get really bad. A light has certainly gone out in my life but the memory of the love and jappiness we shared I’m sure will help to keep me going.