I’m lost

I lost my partner Tuesday this weeks he was actually my ex partner but my best friend. He had had cancer for the last two years but had gone through 2 operations and was due to come home. Over the last two years I have been in touch with him or like the last 3 months in hospital everyday. I did everything for him. My life revolved around him and getting him better.
I was with him Tuesday at the hospital watching a film with him, holding his hand and discussing things. I gave him a kiss, told him l loved him and would see him tomorrow. I got back home and the hospital rang and said he had had a funny turn and they were trying to resuscitate him. By the time I got back he had gone. I can’t process it. I don’t know the cause of death until the coroners report comes back. I’m lost.

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@Kearray We share your grief and shock. Some of us have lost partners and it was expected, but others of us have lost them suddenly and unexpectedly. In my personal experience (this won’t be everyone’s experience) losing the 3 family members who had cancer was something of a blessed release for them by the end as they were suffering. However, (as with your partner) my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly and for me that added a whole new shock level to the grief.

We are here for you and with you. :heart:

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Thank you for responding.

I miss him so so much and the pain is consuming. I can’t face sorting through his stuff nor arranging his funeral at the moment.

People keep telling me to do this and do that and I don’t want to do anything x

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Hi @Kearray. Im not surprised you are in pain and not able to do anything after only a few days.
Of course your emotions are in chaos, its what happens.
Sadly we have to accept it, weve all been there, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. We have to hang on by our fingernails, until bit by bit it gets better (yes it does).
You arent ready to take advice.
There are some practicalities which need to be sorted, if one of your friends or family will be willing to take on these tasks, that will be a great help.
Accept the tears, and aching in your heart, it will ease.
Hang in there.

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@Kearray we’ve been there and know what it’s like. Awful is putting it mildly.

I can’t say it gets easier either, 11 weeks down the line. But Ive found keeping busy is better for me. If I sit at home I cry. Some things have to be done, legally, and it’s better if you have a friend or family member with you.

Sending you a hug.

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I’m sorry to hear about your ex partner’s sudden passing. My partner died of a heart attack unexpectedly 7 weeks ago and it is hell. Your life is changed in an instant and the first days, your grief puts you in physical pain and you will struggle with doing anything. As others have said, lean on family or close friends for support and help if you can as it is hard to be alone through this. Sending a virtual hug and lots of love and strength your way. You will get through it but one day at a time xxx

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I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words
Sending hugs xx

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I struggle to keep busy l go into zombie mode. I have no idea what I’m doing,

Thank you for replying and l send hugs to you xx

Thank you :heart: