I’m not going to cope without him, I’m devastated.

I’ve just lost my husband 2days ago. He had been rushed into hospital 4 weeks ago because he started chemotherapy because we found a lymphoma in his stomach and made him extremely ill, unfortunately he contracted covid and with his immune system so low didn’t have a chance. I was hoping that he would make it, but he had to go on ICU last week and then on a ventilator Thursday, I was rung Saturday morning and then they said that he’s not going to make it through the day and would be better for him than struggling to turn off the ventilator. He’s 51 and we have a 8 year old daughter. I spent some time with him because I hadn’t seen him since he was admitted. They turned off the ventilator and he left me. I’m totally devastated, I want him back, cannot live without him. I’m crying all day and night, can’t sleep, eat. I’m trying to keep it going for my daughter but I can’t stop crying and crying. Feeling guilty because my daughter can do without me crying nonstop. I can’t see life without him for the next years. I just want him to come home. I thought he was just going to the hospital for a couple of days. I hate this feeling of pain it’s sickening.

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Dear Yorkie…I am so sorry for your loss …so much has happened to you over just a few weeks …I’m not surprised that you feel unable to stop crying . Shock and disbelief are amongest two of the strong emotions we feel when something traumatic hits us from no where …I to lost my husband just before lock down and I identify with your sorrow…i hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not on your own …keep reaching out to others…sending a virual hug to you and your family x

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I lost my husband just before lockdown it’s very hard it’s very raw you only 2 days ago me 2 months ago I never stop crying but have to think of my children and granddaughter they get me through you have to cry. Cry with your daughter must be so hard for her my heart goes out to you. Keep posting I do xx

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Hi
I lost my beloved husband on 11 March after a quick but traumatic battle with pancreatic cancer - he was 45.
I am beyond lost without him - we had so many plans and , and bittersweet, a new grandchild due later this year .
The first few weeks are so hard - there is sound logic to the terms ‘ grief stricken’ and ‘ mad with grief’. You honestly feel as if you are going out of your mind with pain and fear .
All I can say is I still feel his loss everyday and everyday is a challenge to get through, but you do and I’m a little calmer now - be patient with yourself and you will find a strength inside you to keep going xx

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Thank you for your reply’s, I appreciate your time and support.
It’s the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced and cannot control. I do think it’s the what ifs, and what we were going to do. All the plans for the future.
I’ve spoken with my children and said that you have to not be hard on yourself, take each day as it comes and think of all the great times we all had together.
I’m not very good at taking my own advice.
My daughter who is 8 said that my crying is annoying and just think that Dad is just having a long sleep and we need to just get on with things.
Just feels like drowning, the pain just so intense. Until you are in this sort of situation you don’t really understand how powerful the emotions are.
My heart goes out to everyone in our situations. :purple_heart:

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I am so sorry, Yorkie.

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Yorker
I send you love and I know there is nothing I can say that will make you better - however I do understand how you feel and I can understand your pain .
Sadiexx

I’m just taking each day at a time.
Thanks for helping me through this painful time.
It really does help talking. There are so many lovely people here and unfortunately we all find ourselves in this situation. It’s heartbreaking.
Take care. Xx

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Hi yorkie,
Your a month on how are you?
I lost my husband last week and I’m struggling so bad.
My daughter who’s 6yrs old seems ok if I’m honest I really don’t think it’s sunk in.
I just find everyday a massive struggle.
My husband had received lots of treatment for leukaemia but unfortunately relapsed and it took hold, he went into hospital with a spiked temp never in my wildest dreams did I ever think he wouldn’t come home. Life is so cruel. x

Dear Sharon
I send you and your daughter love
All I can say that is hard and painful and very sad
This forum will help you - we understand how you feel and here you can say what you feel and want and you will be understood
Love
Sadie x

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Hi Sharon,
I’m so sorry, it’s unbelievable most of the time isn’t it, it’s the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’ve felt sickness, upset stomach, headaches, pain everywhere. The devastating loss is unbearable sometimes and have cried myself to sleep that’s if I’ve been able to sleep at all. Just nonstop going through things.
I’m feeling calmer at times than I did but now I’m just realising that I’m never going to see him again and this emptiness I now feel is the normal feeling. I’m trying to keep going for my daughter and son but it’s them that have got me through this last month.
I’ve been trying to keep busy, but most of the time I’m just thinking of the life we had and now it’s been torn apart.
I’m just getting through it one day at a time, no forward thinking because it just unsettling for me to think of life without us all together.
I hope you can find a way through but it’s really nice on here because there are lots of us going through the same things and it just helps in a way.
I hope you can find a bit of peace today. Xx

Thank you
I’m just so so sad that we’ve been cheated of our lives and feel angry.
I’m sure that is part of the journey.
It’s just so blooming lonely no-one can understand the pain I’m feeling.
X

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No one has any understanding unless they have gone through it. It’s pain, loss and all other feelings are indescribable. All I know is that suddenly losing my wife aged 53 4 weeks ago can only leave me damaged. I use this site for encouragement because no one else understands. I just keep having meltdowns all throughout the day. I don’t resist it then I have no family so here on my own.

I know Sharon, it is real hard and I’ve had such dark days that last forever. But I just keep going because I’m going to make my husband proud of how I’m doing and how I raise our daughter.
I ask myself each day why us, why was it my husband, why couldn’t they save him. I just don’t understand.
Xx

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Hi
Might not be for some after 2 months of Mick passing my work offered me counselling. A phone call every week for half hour at first I couldn’t talk about him I was inconsolable after 4 weeks of talking to them I actually can and I feel better on getting things of my chest. Especially in lockdown I know family phone message but I always felt like a burden to them. 3 months since Mick passed I think people think your doing ok but far from it

Oh. I’m not as far on as you and I feel the same. I can speak to a counsellor over the phone but I have to make that call and that can be hard as having to go over everything which was tramatic. Do upsetting. I find talking about her helps. Then call ends and I’m back to a empty home. If losing her don’t get me the lonleyness will

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Hi
I know I think for one minute I’m doing ok today then wham certainly a roller coaster it is a lonely place when we have just lost our loved ones. I have a son at home his working during the days then spends a lot of time in his room I know his struggling I tell him to open up to me he says can’t mom because it upsets you more. I don’t how we’re going to be Jay it’s very early days.

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