I’m not going to cope without him, I’m devastated.

I’ve just lost my husband 2days ago. He had been rushed into hospital 4 weeks ago because he started chemotherapy because we found a lymphoma in his stomach and made him extremely ill, unfortunately he contracted covid and with his immune system so low didn’t have a chance. I was hoping that he would make it, but he had to go on ICU last week and then on a ventilator Thursday, I was rung Saturday morning and then they said that he’s not going to make it through the day and would be better for him than struggling to turn off the ventilator. He’s 51 and we have a 8 year old daughter. I spent some time with him because I hadn’t seen him since he was admitted. They turned off the ventilator and he left me. I’m totally devastated, I want him back, cannot live without him. I’m crying all day and night, can’t sleep, eat. I’m trying to keep it going for my daughter but I can’t stop crying and crying. Feeling guilty because my daughter can do without me crying nonstop. I can’t see life without him for the next years. I just want him to come home. I thought he was just going to the hospital for a couple of days. I hate this feeling of pain it’s sickening.

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Dear Yorkie…I am so sorry for your loss …so much has happened to you over just a few weeks …I’m not surprised that you feel unable to stop crying . Shock and disbelief are amongest two of the strong emotions we feel when something traumatic hits us from no where …I to lost my husband just before lock down and I identify with your sorrow…i hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not on your own …keep reaching out to others…sending a virual hug to you and your family x

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I lost my husband just before lockdown it’s very hard it’s very raw you only 2 days ago me 2 months ago I never stop crying but have to think of my children and granddaughter they get me through you have to cry. Cry with your daughter must be so hard for her my heart goes out to you. Keep posting I do xx

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Hi
I lost my beloved husband on 11 March after a quick but traumatic battle with pancreatic cancer - he was 45.
I am beyond lost without him - we had so many plans and , and bittersweet, a new grandchild due later this year .
The first few weeks are so hard - there is sound logic to the terms ‘ grief stricken’ and ‘ mad with grief’. You honestly feel as if you are going out of your mind with pain and fear .
All I can say is I still feel his loss everyday and everyday is a challenge to get through, but you do and I’m a little calmer now - be patient with yourself and you will find a strength inside you to keep going xx

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Thank you for your reply’s, I appreciate your time and support.
It’s the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced and cannot control. I do think it’s the what ifs, and what we were going to do. All the plans for the future.
I’ve spoken with my children and said that you have to not be hard on yourself, take each day as it comes and think of all the great times we all had together.
I’m not very good at taking my own advice.
My daughter who is 8 said that my crying is annoying and just think that Dad is just having a long sleep and we need to just get on with things.
Just feels like drowning, the pain just so intense. Until you are in this sort of situation you don’t really understand how powerful the emotions are.
My heart goes out to everyone in our situations. :purple_heart:

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