I’m so numb.

I have gone into a different space …… my partner died 12 weeks ago and I have been on a rollercoaster of emotion…… crying, manic, feeling quite mad. Now, in the last week I suddenly feel really flat. I’m not crying as much but still unbelievably sad. In my manic phase I had organised to do loads of things - now it all feels completely pointless. Tomorrow I am going for a spa weekend with my daughter and I just can’t even get it together to pack my bag. I will go - I can’t let her down she has booked this thinking it will do me good - maybe it will?

I know what you mean. I feel flat and very sad a lot of the time. Me and my two adult children are going away for a week on a holiday that was originally booked for me and my husband - our first full week couples holiday, but it was never to be. I want to have a change of scene but just feel so, so sad that we should have been spending this time together in an idyllic, quiet place. I can’t find the joy in it, yet I would have done with him. Sending hugs

Thank you Jules. I read your posts a lot and find some quiet reassurance in feeling that your pain echoes mine - I hope that doesn’t sound weird. I don’t post much but check in and read others all the time.

No it doesn’t sound weird - it’s just sad that we’re in the same boat on the stormy sea. Take care

Dear Jaydel

I rented a cottage for myself, kids and their partners and grandkids. We did the ashes at the start of the week and then spent time together and alone throughout the week. I found some peace on the last day, if only momentarily. It provided for the most part the distractions needed and we did sit and talk about my husband, their dad and the times we had spent on the beaches around the area. We took their partners, who are not from the North East to different locations and shared stories of happier times.

The only issue I have had is that since returning I do not want to stay in the bungalow anymore. I cannot rush (or in reality afford) to do anything at the minute because probate is still dragging on.

This awful journey really is a rollercoaster. I know that as the first anniversary approaches my stress levels are on the increase again. I cannot see myself being anything other than sad, perhaps we just learn how to hide it.


I hope it does help you , it’s been 27weeks snce my husband died and I’m still crying before I go to sleep at night , I am also having to hide how manic I am from my family as my daughter has cancer in both boobs had op to remove them but they found another so op again soon and then radiotherapy then possibly chemo . Our four children their partners and five grandchildren were devistated when he died now our only daughter is going through this . So I paste a smile on my face and it’s at night I let go .


My heart breaks for you. This is more than you should have to endure. No wonder you fall apart at the end of the day. I wish you peace.

Thank you for your comment I hope I do find some peace soon , am trying to get an appointment with gp but easier said than done .

Hi Lindy i sent you a private message I hope you got it. Please let me know if you did. It looks a while since you have been on here so I hope you are ok. it is hard as I am feeling like you. Really missing my husband.

No I didn’t get a private message and yes been busy with my daughter having her cancer op still one to go again so not going to be on here for a while xxx

I will be thinking of you, one of my best friends just having breast cancer treatment. Shame you never got pm. I have a lot in common with you as I lost my husband suddenly & he had also been in & out of hospital he was only 60. I live not far from you ( Newbury) & sent you my number as thought we could help each other with this terrible grief. x

I sent pm through this site, obviously it doesn’t work sad to say x

Hi Lindy if you click on your own name in top right corner you will see message