I miss her so much

Losing a partner
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My soul-mate passed 11 days ago on the 17th. She collapsed on the 12th, her birthday, and didn’t regain consciousness so that’s the day I lost June.

Telling people is so hard, twice when people have asked how she is I just walked away.

We were married 45 years, real childhood sweethearts, met when we were 16 and there was never anyone else for either of us and there never will be.

I’m keeping busy arranging the funeral etc, but every so often it just hits me – I’ll never hear her voice again, although I do tell her I love her.

My younger brother died in March, and my mother passed away in May, now my beautiful June has gone.

She is my best friend, the person who bought joy to my life, the person I could do nothing with. To see anyone else I have to do something, talk etc.

The only reason I’m still here is our daughter who is suffering badly.

Waking up is bad, the mornings are grim, afternoons aren’t much fun, and I dread the evenings.

I promised her I wouldn’t cry today, failed again

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Hi Dave what an awful time you have had to lose so many loved ones I’m struggling with losing my husband of 36 years I cry every day and more than once it’s a roller coaster of emotions allow yourself to cry. My son is 26 I know his suffering he won’t cry in front of me his says it upsets me more I wish he would let it all out. My daughter is 24 and let’s her feelings out. I told my son you are allowed to cry men do. Sorry for your losses

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Please don’t say you failed because you cried again today, you didn’t. I’m so sorry for your loss, not just for your soulmate , but for your mother and younger brother.
Your dealing with so much but you need to go with your emotions, that’s completely understandable, I lost my husband two years ago and it still feels like only two minutes ago, just please try to remember it takes strength to make your way through the grief, it doesn’t go away, it never does, you just find your own way to learn to cope, with some days easier than others, I hope you and your daughter are managing to help each other at this time and I hope you find some comfort on this site.
Take care

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Hi Dave I’m so sorry. If your body want to cry let it. I can’t stop. I’m 49. My wife Allison was 53 and she was stolen from me on 28 may. It was sudden and tramutic.
I constantly miss her. Mornings are probably the worse then during the day and back in bed alone. We could not have children so I am all alone. I have never cried so much for so long. I miss my sweetheart of 23 years. My only relationship.
Don’t be hard on your self. It is no shame to cry.
The pain feels like hell

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Thankyou all, I never knew grief until now. My June is gone, I just find that hard to accept. I never knew you could hust so much

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I can’t describe the pain. No words get anywhere near. If you grabbed my heart and pulled it out that would be less painful.
But take each hour at a time. I try to.

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It’s so dreadful so many of us suffering the same pain and loneliness
I miss him
Had a good day today at work tho I cried at 10.30 when I always used to phone to check he was ok
But the minute I got home the silence the loneliness
Thank goodness my dog was pleased to see me
It’s terrifying that I could go days without speaking to anyone , the weekends are a nightmare of misery .

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I would give everything up just to have one more hour. Life is unbearable. It’s a life I no longer want to be apart of. It’s not wanted and my brokenheart can’t take anymore of this endless pain.

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Jay my heart breaks for you and every one on here and myself what will we do I don’t know I wish I could take away my pain your pain and every ones on here

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Jay, I know exactly how you feel, it’s like a physical hurting. i don’t know how I got through the weekend. Met with the Minister yesterday, lovely lady. I was in tears after 5 minutes of telling her about June. Today I found myself asking why she went and being angry, now back to the new normal, just feeling down. I don’t know why I’m still here. I’m dreading the funeral, not sure I’ll be able to hold it together, but I owe her that.

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Hi Dave. You don’t owe her. Please don’t feel you have to keep a stiff upper lip at the funeral she wouldn’t want you to bottle it up. I lost my husband of 3yrs and he was only 64. He had been a submariner for 24 yrs before I met him and I can tell you that every single Navy guy was crying but I thought it just showed how much he was loved. I was lucky as only a week before lockdown. I hope and pray the funeral goes as well as expected and we are all here if you need us after it. Take care.

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It’s amazing how you get through the funeral I think it’s surreal and I couldn’t get my head around it was Micks horrible life at the moment I only hope it’s gets a little easier my mom states in time you learn to live without them it’s a different life but I want my old life back so much x

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Shonzie, thank you. I’m in tears. I’m not worried about crying, I love my June and she loves me and I’m proud to say that. It’s just that I feel numb and empty and lost. The Minister will tell friends about June, but they already know her. How do I tell them about my June - my special girl, the best person ever

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You just have your special girl best person ever hoping you get through the funeral hard as it is

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Dave at my allisons funeral on the 16th I told them how she was special to me. Not our close personal stuff but how she showed I was important to her. I also took some large print photos to show about our good times.
I managed to compose myself at the cemetery gates untill the cars pulled up at chapel. She was 53 and still working as a nurse. There was about 20-30 people from her ward clapping. Was not expecting that. That totally wrecked my composure.
You will get through it. You don’t know how you will but you do.

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I found that when I started writing about Ian for the celebrant I couldn’t stop
I was crying as I wrote but I got it all down cos I wanted everyone to know how much I loved him
After the funeral I must admit I felt sad but I was coping but the weekend after I completely crashed crying all the time anxious worried lost x

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Thank you all. I’m starting to believe in the kindness of strangers, but we’re not strangers, we all have something in common, as well as not wanting to be here.

Thank you all, somehow, this helps. I don’t understand your pain and you cannot understand mine - but we’re all in pain

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I wrote an eulogy for my husband only allowed 6 family members my son read it out I couldn’t hold it together Mick had so many friends so when lockdown is well and truely over I will have a celebration party of his life for him as he was always the life and soul at any gatherings x

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Unfortunately we now have too much in common. We share an incurable pain that daily presents itself. It is an unwelcome part of our new lives.
Every morning when I wake I have a fresh reminder that I am now living in hell. It’s a new experience and one I don’t want to experience for long.

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I can only say it gets better with time! Not that it even completely disappears but in time the pain will become less severe. I speak as one who lost a very young wife. Had been married for 10 years and had two kids aged 5 and 2. It was a devastating time of my life but I had to stay as strong as I could for the kids. I did not hide my tears from them and I cried almost continually for years. It is 10 years now and I have remarried but every now and then I do have moments of deep pain triggered by memories and present situations that may not be ideal.
Sorry to learn of your pain. Do talk about it to anyone and everyone you can… that helped me feel better and better.