It’s the anniversary of my brothers funeral today. He died on 10.3.2024. He was such a wonderful person. He was quite possibly my best friend, he never treated me differently because of my autism or ADHD. He never rolled his eyes at me when my mental health was bad and I was struggling again. He supported me through an eating disorder with extreme patience and without judgement, just kindness and empathy that was straight from the heart. He knew me better than anyone in the world. We never once argued as adults. When something traumatic happened to me as an adult, he was the one who was there for me, sitting with me and holding my hand while the rest of my family were being judgmental and telling me to get over it.
He was so funny and silly. We used to send each other voice notes over messenger, making silly noises until we would be breathless with laughter. We both hated hot weather and complaining about it was our favourite subject. He loved daffodils. He said they had “lovely trumpety faces”
He would encourage me to eat when I struggled with my appetite. When my OCD flared up and I didn’t know what was real, he was the one who would tell me that I was safe and my mind was playing tricks on me. He was an amazing cook and who I shared my love of spice from. He was also incredibly kind and empathetic to complete strangers. His friend told a story after he passed or when they went out for breakfast in a cafe and he went out to withdraw money and he came back with a lovely homeless lady and bought her a Full English breakfast and sat and listened to her talk, chatted with her. Something most people wouldn’t do.
I miss him every single day. It’s like a physical pain. There’s not a single second I don’t think of him. It’s just not fair. That someone so kind, so full of life, so vibrant, funny and empathetic should be just gone.
His funeral literally stopped traffic. He had a horse drawn hearse and all of his friends - of which there were hundreds, made a walking procession up the road to the cemetery and the church behind the hearse, traffic stopped in respect for my amazing brother. He made it to the paper. A full spread page because he was that well loved. There will never be another person like him.
I don’t know how to get over his death. I don’t know how to stop hurting. I just want him back.
