My Dad passed away on 23rd December 2020 with covid, he had been taken in hospital previously with suspected sepsis & really didn’t want to go into hospital. I was begging him to go with ambulance on the phone & he said I wont come back out …to cut a long story short it wasn’t sepsis & he had 2 negative covid tests while in there & phoned to say he was coming home was just waiting on another covid test result coming back & it came back positive…5 days later he died in hospital.
Am not coping well at all, I did all their shopping & everything to protect my parents for over 12 months & he picked it up in hospital.
Am hoping I become less angry & start coming
Hi, I’m new to this forum and have just seen your post. I’m so sorry for your loss and how hard you are finding it. I lost my dad 2 months ago, very suddenly and unexpected. Like you, because he was shielding, I was doing all of his shopping etc And like you I don’t think I’m coping very well - I seem to spend an awful lot of time crying at the moment (usually at night, or when I’m on my own) . I feel like I’m quite self-aware and understand the stages of grief - but when you are in the middle of it it’s hard at times to process what has happened isn’t it?. It’s still early days for you (and me) in the grieving process and being stuck in this lockdown hasn’t helped has it? But warmer sunnier days are on the horizon and so I hope you can begin to find a way of navigating through this sad period. Are you still caring for your mum? Sending you my best wishes - you’ll get through this, just give yourself time and take care of yourself.
Really feel for you lost my dad in october and my mum in feb this year im so sad but no tears which i cant understtand im here if anyone wants to chat big hugsxxx
Thankyou so much for your kind reply.
Sorry for your loss too, the lockdown definitely has not helped.
I have tried to care for my mum but it seems how I am feeling isn’t relevant shes more instrested in how my brother & sister are feeling (we are all in our 40s). I did try & open up last we but she just brushed me aside.
My Husband has taken this week off work to help & support me, so hopefully I will make baby steps forward.
Please take care & thankyou x
So sorry to hear of your loss too
I totally understand the feeling of being sad & no tears.
I honestly don’t think I’ve accepted it even though I thought I had .
Thankyou so much for replying to my post
Please feel free if you also need to talk x
Hi Sarah, I feel your loss & I’m not coping too well either My dear dad passed away 11th of January this year & I think I kept my self so busy too busy prob somuch so that I didn’t /couldn’t have time to think, but when I started to slow down, the grief hit me so hard! - Now I’m starting to feel guilty and am just hoping that this is part of the grieving process - I’ve made myself slow down & start again taking things a day at a time - & trying not to be so hard on myself - seems to be helping.
But seeing your post was very helpful & refreshing as I have already stated too that I’m not coping too well either.
I to feel your loss and sadness, dad passed away on the 10th February. I struggle with anxiety and low mood but dads passing has magnified everything and I now find myself needing stronger meds. I am trying to be there for my mum but the responsibility I am feeling is just over whelming
me. Mum is able to manage on her own, but I know she is lonely and sad. She did everything with dad and so doesn’t have friends as such. I feel so guilty if I don’t visit but and so try to visit regularly which is now daunting me. I need my space, which is selfish I know. I don’t feel I have fully grieved dads passing. I almost think I don’t know how. I am sad today.
I send my thoughts to you all.
I relate to this massivly
I find seeing mum upset so difficult. I return home feeling very sad and low. How do I get a balance between supporting mum and maintaining my own life which I feel I need for my well being ?
Sorry I’ve only just seen this.
Ive been offline for a while trying to cope with things, are you feeling any better ?
Have you managed to find a balance ?
Ive started to make myself go out & walk for a hour a day if possible, thats my time I turn my phone onto silent and enjoy my time & only think of happy memories, if a sad feeling starts creeping in i look at my surroundings & take it in.
It seems to be working upto now x
Thank you for the reply. I to have started walking but more so to improve my anxiety and depression. I have moments where I feel things are becoming a little more balanced and I am able to justify to myself not popping over to mum and that a phone call is enough. However the days still persist where I feel guilty she is on her own and become whelmed about how often I should visit.
I return to work on Monday and am daunted. The support I trusted has been removed and I am only being permitted support from one individual who lacks emotion and sensitivity. She intimidates me and reduces me to tears either during the meeting or straight after. I feel I am being punished and not supported or cared about
I relate to how you are feeling. I lost my dad 5 weeks ago, unexpected and sudden. I have the loss but also the huge worry of what this is doung to my mum and how she will cope. I’m walking a tightrope and I fall off several times a day. I know I need to see and support my mum but we make each feel worse. She hates to see my pain, I hate to see hers. Most of the time I see no way forward. There’s no point in trying ro tell ourselves we can live without him because we can’t. I’m so Worried as I also have 2 children. Why did this have to happen? We are all destroyed - my poor Dad.
My dad died in January from COVID, he had tested positive, but of course hoped he wouldn’t have to go to hospital. Similar to your situation, my parents had been EXTREMELY careful during lockdown, didn’t even get takeaway etc, lived in a tiny village. I will never understand how the hell he caught it when they didn’t break any rules and were so isolated.
He went into hospital, they said he’d be out in a day or two as he was relatively fit and young, but he died on a ventilator in ITU two weeks later. They suddenly said they’d ventilate him ‘as he had got tired’ but then didn’t do so for 24 hours or so after telling us this. He told us he was scared by text, and we couldn’t talk to him because of the mask and the discomfort. He didn’t even make it to 48 hours on the ventilator before they told us to come in when they turned off the machines. It was utterly horrific and traumatising. Sometimes I feel so much anger. My siblings and I are all in our 20s and had so much still to learn from my dad. I am also so sorry for my poor mum
Sorry for rant, just to say I feel that I understand your anger and grief.
I’ve just joined the forum. My dad sadly died on the 26th March after being diagnosed with cancer last April. I can so relate to everything you say.