I miss my husband

Hi, I’m new to this forum xx.
I lost my husband 8 weeks ago to a 3 year battle with renal cancer on 12th February 2020 in Wheatfields. We had been married for 38 years, he was 59. Im grieving in lockdown and i feel so empty without him. I miss him terribly and my life will never be the same again. I have a small circle of friends who do regularly phone or message me to see how i am and my husbands side of the family have been amazing from the start of his illness right through to his passing. I do have a good support network but sometimes i feel I just want to read conversations from people who are going through the same. I cry every single day and can not get to sleep at night unless i fall asleep to his music playing. I tell family I’m doing okay but I’m not at all. I sometimes wonder if people want to hear me constantly talking bout how much i miss him xx

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Hello L-C
Welcome to this forum where none of us want to be. I am very sorry that your husband died, it is like having a limb chopped off. My husband of 59 years died last August, his was a sudden death, I found him on our bedroom floor. I am lucky too, I have a lot of support, but with all the support in the world it is so heartbreaking when we lose the one we love and grown old with.
Please continue posting and maybe tell us about your husband when you feel able to do so.
MaryL

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hiya L.C
To say i am sorry seems so inadequate at this time,I lost my Husband in February and it is hard all I do is cry,but does it help I don’t know I have a Son who would be here in a flash but cannot at the moment as his wife is a Clinical Specialist so with the social distancing is not on.
Please do carry on chatting here hopefully it will help us.
I will always answer,and listen because unless,you are in the same boat people can offer all the support but they are not in the same boat.
Stay Safe x

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My husband died in January after 43years together, I have no family, so lonely, I spend a lot of time planning my suicide, I only keep going for my 16 year old dog. I’m 74 and don’t see or want a future alone.

Mag, so sorry, it’s awful, I know how you are feeling,
Everything seems pointless, it’s so heartbreaking to lose your husband. I lost my husband nearly six months ago now , married for 30 years, and at the beginning I was in a very dark place, now it’s still very hard and I can’t believe what’s happened, I cry everyday, but talking to people on here has truly helped me. Please keep coming back to chat, don’t be on your own, we’re here for you. Your lovely dog needs you. You’ll have friends on here , you’re not on your own
Thinking of you
Steph x

Hiya Mag,
So sorry to hear about your situation,It is hard I lost my Husband n February after 54 years of marriage and what with the lockdown we have a lot to cope with.
Please don’t think of doing anything like that there must be somebody who would miss you think how they would feel.
You can always come on here and somebody will chat to you I pop on and off during the day so will always answer you when I see the message.
Take Care and be Safexxxxxx

Hi Mag,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your husband, and I am concerned to read that you have a plan for ending your life. It is understandable that you are feeling very alone, especially with no family to support you. It is good that you have your dog, and I hope that being part of this community will help you feel a little less alone.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately. Please be aware that GPs and support services are not currently offering face-to-face appointments, but will usually be offering telephone or online alternatives.

Even if you aren’t at risk of harming yourself now, it’s still important to reach out and get some support. The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

If you would find talking to a bereavement counsellor helpful then Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This service is free and sessions are held over video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about how to register here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

It’s really important that keep yourself safe, Mag. There is support out there, so please reach out to one of these services.

We care about you and you deserve to get help. Be safe,

Priscilla
Community Manager

Thank you for responding, another morning when I look at the Empty side of the bed knowing I have a long and lonely day ahead. people say it gets easier in time, but it is getting worse, my head and heart feels like exploding I can’t see any light in my life.Steve was my best friend we knew he was terminally for 2 years with blood cancer it hasn’t made it easier when he died knowing that, still such a shock. I have no motivation to do anything except reach for a bottle which dulls the pain for a while.

Hiya Mag,
I know how you are feeling I have been crying they say it’s best to let it out but not sure.
please don’t get to used to the bottle that is not the answer it might help but you could want more and more,
believe me I have a niece who went that way now nobody knowes where she is had all the help but until she wants to give it up it won’t happen…
Please keep coming on here, if you ever want to chat I am here on and off.
Be Safe and Take Care.

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Thank you Samella, very bad day today, my problem is that I can’t cry, just won’t come out, just sit shaking, I know I’ll never feel better gets worse everyday, I’v gone weeks now without seeing or hearing another person, he was my life I nursed him at home at the end, he died in bed at home while I held his hand. Mag

Oh Mag
Reading this has reduced me to tears .
Please don’t struggle alone - Sue Ryder counselling or Samaritans - you can off load and hopefully find help.
What have you got to lose - please try xx

Mag,
You cannot help it if you cannot cry,I had a friend who was bereaved and she was the same we all grieve different.
Have you been to o the GP I know with the current situation probably not easy but may help with a phone consultation.
Please hang on in there.
Keep coming on here and sure somebody will answer you I have been in the garden all morning I find that helps although when I come back in it is empty.
Have you been for a walk it is nice out ther today or at least where I am is.
Where are you?
Take Carexxx

Hello I live in a village near ramsgate kent, I’v got lots of beaches and parks nearby, but they all hold memories, we had 3 dogs at one time we took them out everyday, either to a park or beach, too painful to walk on my own. Mag

Hi,

The way you are feeling is normal, you are I’m sure in shock.

Just a thought have you thought about getting a young rescue dog? It would give your existing dog company & you? Would give you something to focus on & you could go for long walks with it & a short walk with you’re existing dog?

It won’t lessen the pain, unfortunately we can’t avoid grief but it may give you a bit of help & you’d be giving an abandoned dog a home?

I have thought of having another dog, all my dogs have been rescues, my bungalow is going to the dogs trust, but when sid goes I intend to go too I wouldn’t want to leave a dog behind to go back to the rescue centre. Sorry about whining I am at my lowest ebb today thank you for your messages

Hiya Paula,
Welcome to our site, obviously you are here for the same reason as all of us.
Please off load on here it may help to know you are not alone,we all have nderstand,and somebody will always answer you.
Take Care
X

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Mag,
So sorry to hear you are so low,I am as well but we can sit and mope but we still have the problem.Would it help you if you had a telephone conversationDo you have anybody you ring,at the moment that is the only way to chat,
Perhaps exchange numbers when we have communicated on line more.
I am very willing to do so if it would help.
Love to you Xx

Thank you Samella

Hi LC
I understand your words and how you feel
My husband died 18 months ago - Is life any better? - Not really
Life without him is empty, sad, and although the shock isn’t there this void will remains and if anything the void gets bigger
As with you , i have supportive friends, family and children but their love , their care their emotional investment on me is not as half as my dear Jack had.

This forum is very supportive and helpful. all of us are suffering but we feel and express our feelings differently
Our lives will never be the same - i am a different woman i was 18 months ago - I lost my shine. I used to be excitable, joyful, I had a certainty that we were protected and blessed and now I realise that my zest for life came from Jack - I needed him behind me so i could shine

But in the end we survive - we learn to live with the void
take care

Sadie xx

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Hi Sadie, thats exactly how i feel. Carl was the stronger one of us. If he got excited about something so did I. If he was sad i was sad. Even booking a holiday/break in the future won’t ever feel as exciting as it once did when it was the two of us. He loved life so much and his energy rubbed off on me. Im so dull without him and probably won’t ever be good company for anyone. Im burning myself out trying to stay busy all the time but i absolutely dread the evenings and bedtimes. Ive borrowed my daughters dog for a week to help me and it makes me feel less nervous and vulnerable outdoors xx

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