I miss my mother so much

My mother died in February she had dementia but died of what we believe is now Covid, She was 88. I cannot stop thinking of her and when alone at night it just tears me up, I just somehow cannot wrap my head around that she’s not here anymore, I replay moments in my mind when she tried to comfort me when I became distressed at seeing her condition and she would say ‘please don’t cry’ and I would pretend that I wasn’t. I had a particularly strong bond with my mother we never said a cross word to each. She relied on me to a great extent growing up as my father who predeceased her by15 years was very abusive and controlling I would do everything in my power to protect her even as a child, I would often cry myself to sleep worrying that she would die and my sister and I would be left with my father. Now she is longer here I feel bereft I just want to be with her again.

Hi. Gina. Welcome to the place no one wants to be, but I for one am so glad it’s here. It has helped me through troubled times and I have made friends who know.
My heart goes out to you. My wife had dementia at the end so I do know.
It’s very early days for you to even attempt to cope with grief. Let the emotions come. It’s OK and whatever you do you do because it’s your way of coping. Everyone on here has grieved or are grieving in their own way. Nothing is ever ‘strange’ or foolish in grief. There are no methods or rules. Having said that there is hope. There always is. Courage is not given to a few, we all have it maybe hidden away, but it’s there. So is that very distant light. I have found it does get slowly brighter in time.
You will never forget, how could you, but you may find memories of happier times replace those of the present. Your loss is great as is your pain. I am sure your mum would no want you to be miserable.
Take it easy, well as easy as you can. Come back and talk to us if you feel the need. We are all good listeners and, more importantly, we all understand. Blessings. John.

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Your lovely mum sounds wonderful I know how you feel. I really do. I lost my mum too. There are no words to convey the pain and loss. It’s still very early days for you. My mum died 10 months ago. Saying that still shocks me. I still think she’s at home with dad. It comes in waves. Ride them out. Better days will come somehow Someday.

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Gina, I’m so sorry you lost your Mum. I know how raw it can feel losing a Mum.
My Mum passed away suddenly 9 months ago. All we can do is take it hour by hour on the rough days. There’s always someone here for a chat. I believe getting things off your chest does help.
You are not alone. Take care and rest often. x

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Hi
My mum (89) who I loved dearly died a week after being admitted into hospital with Pneumonia in March this year. She had early Alzheimer’s which had been starting to bother her. Her death is such an enormous loss that I am still struggling to comprehend it. I wish I could will her alive. I like to imagine she is sat in my parents house on the sofa with her feet up reading a book which is what she did a lot in the last few months of her life. I’ve been worried for years that she was going to die whilst at the same time not really expecting her to. She died 3 weeks before her 90th birthday. On her birthday my sister and I made her her favourite foods for a special (Socially distanced) lunch with my dad. I also felt a strong need to protect her not because my dad was abusive but he was emotionally distant. I just wanted her to be happy.