My Mum died suddenly in March. She’d been in for an infection during chemo but was well again and a couple of days away from being discharged. She had very low white cells and was supposed to have a week off chemo but she was given it again and Inlost her 6 days later after the hospital missed sepsis for 2 days despite her being on an oncology ward. She was admitted to icu as in septic shock, in a deep unconscious level only responding to painand had been very ill with sickness. The icu Dr didn’t read my Mums notes so sent her for a ct scan. A nurse asked if a dr could go with her, he said no she the nurse would be enough. My mum vomited on the table and went into cardiac arrest, they bleeped the wrong person then when the icu Dr finally got there he intubated her incorrectly, forgot to add the carbon monoxide machine and didn’t realise for 6 minutes when he then intubated her again. He told me she had a catastrophic brain injury from lack of oxygen and I should let her go. Myself and my little boy had gone from being told by my Mum she’d be home in a day or 2 and well to saying goodbye 6 days later. She’d been mimicking dementia due to sepsis from the Friday but the drs wouldn’t listen to me repeatedly telling them and didn’t start treatment until the Sunday and she died on the Monday. The pre inquest and hospital investigation found huge errors and I have a full 2 day inquest end of January.
I’m not coping. I’m a single Mum to a gorgeous just turned 8 year old. I lived with my mum my whole life. I have no family or friends to turn to. I am fighting every day not to end my life because if I did my son would be in care and my Mum made me promise when her cancer came back to carry on for my son as he was her world. I’ve been left with bills I can’t afford as we shared a rented home and I’ve had to take it all over, I’ve an inquest to do alone, I’m trying to be the best Mum but my little boy is hurting to and reacting in anger towards me. My body and mind feel broken. I feel so ill and I just need my Mum who would be devastated she has left me with this mess.
I’ve so much guilt I didn’t do enough at the end. I should have fought the drs more. My Mum didn’t want me visiting as the hospital was rife with Winter viruses and she was scared I’d get ill as I have chronic health issues and I have so much guilt I didn’t see her those 10 days even though we spoke 3 hours a day, video called etc. It’s my fault she’s not here and it’s tearing me apart. She was only 67. She didn’t deserve this, we didn’t deserve this. She would be 68 in 3 weeks. How do I do my first Christmas without her and just myself and my son. I’m broken and I can’t hide it from my son
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum and all you are going through. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really broken and unwell.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
I also wanted to share our resource on managing money after a bereavement. It includes where to find help with funeral costs, and what kind of benefits may be available to you. It has lots of useful information which I hope will be of help to you:
You deserve care and support so please, @Allalone80, get in touch with one of these services.
Bless you…you have had so much to deal with I’m not surprised you’re so overwhelmed by it all. Please keep posting on this forum, it’s such a supportive group of people and you can share things you can’t talk to your son about. Please don’t feel alone, there will always be people online you can share your problems and worries with. I know that won’t fix anything but I hope it makes you feel less on your own. Sending love and strength xxx
Aww my goodness it’s tough going for you and my heart goes out to you.
It’s so raw at the beginning that you will feel like you want to give up but your son needs you so try to keep strong. Can you talk to your GP for help.
Also talk to your sons teacher. There are grief organisations that can help your son through the school. It will help you too if he has support.
Is there any agency that you can go to for advice on financial help. I don’t have any advice on all of that but maybe someone on here can point you in the right direction. I am sure someone will post soon.
Keep posting on here whenever you want as this site is a lifeline for us all.