I miss my Mum so much

My beautiful Mum passed away in October 2022. I took her to A&E on friday evening and she died 9 days later. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
I’m struggling to accept that she’s gone and I’ll never see her again. Im 44 and I lived with her. She was my world. My Dad was murdered in 2007. I didn’t think I could ever feel as sad as I did then but somehow, losing my Mum seems worse.
I was with her at the hospital as much as I possibly could be in that final week and the memory of it is breaking my heart.
I keep thinking of her suffering and crying out in pain and it kills me.
I feel like a part of me died with her. I miss her so much, I’m in physical pain with grief. I cry every single day because I can’t accept that I’ll never see her again.
I’m finding daily life very difficult, I can’t function because I can’t stop thinking about her.
There is only myself, my brother & sister now and I feel so lonely and scared. Even though I am an adult, this experience has made me feel like a child.
I often think if I could have one last moment with her, even just one minute, it would make me feel better to know she was ok.
I have been off work now for over 3 months and the thought of going back whilst I feel so broken fills me with dread.
I just miss my Mum so much, I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without her. She was such a big part of my life and we were so close. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy.
I seem to be seeing other people with their Mums all the time and everyone on TV seems to be talking about their Mums. It makes me think 'why was my Mum taken from me? ’ she was a beautiful person.
I’m just really struggling and I’m exhausted. I’ve had the worst Christmas of my life.
I’m absolutely devastated.


Dear @Claire21

I can see that you’re new to the community. I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here. I hope you find the community to be a support to you.

I can see that your loss is very recent. It is understandable that you are feeling the way you are, all of which is normal and part of the grieving process. Grief is a journey to be taken one day at a time, it is not a race and there will be good days and bad days as it is a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Everyone’s bereavement journey is different.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support who has been in a similar situation as yourself. I would like to share a few resources with you that may help you right now.

A blog by Sue Ryder on Losing a parent - Coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder?

It might be helpful to go back to your doctor and let them know how you are feeling and to see what support they can offer you and to see if there are any local bereavement groups in your area that you could join.

Thank you for bravely reaching out, it is not always easy to do this, you are not alone, we are all here to support you.

Take care.


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