I miss my mum

April 24th 2020 my mum went to hospital because she was vomiting from the medication for her urine infection. Whislt she was in hospital they discovered a mass on her kidney. The next day she was transferred to London hospital for more tests, it turned out to be stage four kidney cancer and they said she had 6 months. She came home and me and my dad became her carers. She tried chemo but it was too much for her to take, constantly being sick, not being able to eat because of the vomiting and thrush in her mouth from the chemo. She tried for just under a month but didnt want it anymore so we had to respect her wishes. I remember that she would be in so much pain that she was begging god to just take her. It was so hard and because of covid I was afraid to get too close incase she got it so couldnt hold her to comfort her. She went into a hospice on 17th December 2020 and we visited everyday but then on the 21st there was another lock down so we weren’t allowed to go to the hospice. My mum passed away on the 23rd and we weren’t allowed to be there with her. I just feel so numb. I am not the same person I use to be, I have so much anger and resentment. I’m so down all the time. I stopped exercising because when I would come back from the gym my mum would always ask if it was a good workout plus I have no motivation anymore. I never use to drink but now I do. I know I’m depressed but I dont know if therapy will make any difference.


Hi, how devastating for you, I am sorry that things are so difficult after this terrible loss. Perhaps counselling would help you to process all your feelings. Certainly sharing how you feel, even if you journal your thoughts in writing, might support you. Have you looked at the resources available online? Best wishes xx

Hi Rosiepink, thank you for your kind words. I dont really know what is available online and only came across this app by chance. I have an appointment next week to hopefully start getting some bereavement therapy. Just being able to air it has helped a bit. Thanks for the support x

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Have a look at the Sue Ryder website as there’s a lot of useful information you can access if you need it… Best wishes xx

Thank you for the advice x

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