I miss you Mum

Im am struggling with the loss of my mum with who I had been the care giver for the past year, leaving my career and relocating from London after 20 years as I didn’t want for her to be admitted into supported living.
My mum had been in poor health for years with many hospital admissions. The final admission she had a syringe driver and lasted a further 3 weeks before passing. My brother and I took it in turns to stay with our mum day and night and although we could see her slowly fading I still can’t believe she has passed. I think about her all the time and I am lost without her. All my leave I would come home to be with her in the 20 years I lived away and when not able to be with her in person we would speak every day on the phone.
I just don’t see the point of anything anymore. I am now having to look for a job which I don’t wish to return to my previous career as it has a clinical background specifically in end of life care.
The world just feels completely different in so many ways.

Thank you for reading as I know you’re all going through a similar experience of loss. X


Ah so hard to adjust to a life without your Mum. I’m 8 months into the terrible absence after the sudden and unexpected death of my Mum in January. All we can do is keep trying to go forward every day. Take care xx

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Aww Bloom my heart goes out to you It really does. I also gave up my job 20 yes ago to look after my mum and she passed last Dec. Like you I was always with her and we went and did everything together.She was put on end of life and lasted 5 weeks Three in hosp then a fortnight at home and I stayed with her 24/7.
Someone told me after mum passed that I am starting a new life and I understand that now.One I never thought I would start but nothing in my life will ever be the same without mum.
For me I took small steps each day as I was an absolute mess with crying every minute of every day. The only relief I had was to sleep and I hardly slept from all the crying. My advice to you would be to try to look after yourself and keep strong so you can get through each day.Plan just one day at a time That’s what I still do.
The one thing that has helped me is I have made a memory table in my lounge about mum. Someone suggested it in the beginning but I thought it was not something I would do I did though and it has really helped me.I have a photo of my on it with a candle,vase of flowers ,a heart ornament and a cross.In fact I couldn’t sleep tonight and just thought I would pop downstairs to sit near mum and checked this site.It has helped me so much to feel close to mum especially at night when it always feels worse and I feel so helpless.
Can you set up a business from home instead of starting at a new workplace .Just a thought as it may tie you over for a while until you get stronger.
Will check on you tom. Keep going as best you can and keep posting bec people on here are so lovely and will reply and help you
Deborah x


Hello Rosiepink,
Thank you for your kind words.
I’m so sorry to hear of the sudden loss of your mum in January.
I do hope you’re being kind to yourself.
Thinking of you with best wishes.
Paul x

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Hello Deborah,
Thank you for your message and kind words.
You seem to of had a very similar relationship to your mum as I had with mine, we have been very lucky in that we have had that close kind of relationship with them.
Your mum sounds like a very strong lady too for the weeks that she stayed physically with you when she was reaching end of life. It’s really hard seeing a loved one slowly pass. (Please except my sincere apologies if anything I write upsets you or brings back memories that are hard, I really don’t wish to make you sad).
I have done the same as you and made a little area where I have my mums photo, her perfume (Green eyeliner which she hadn’t used for decades, never new she kept them all this time ?) and every evening I light a candle and it’s like spending some time aside for her. Often I’ll cry but I’m ok and after a while and find the ritual a little peaceful. I’m pleased you’re also hopefully feeling some peace and connection with your thoughts when doing the same.
I know it must be hard for you having your mum pass in December as already we have passed many time this year when the two of you would have celebrated, festive dates, Mother’s Day and possibly birthdays. I hope you’re being good to yourself on these occasions.
I do wish you all the best and I thank you very much for taking the time to write to me.
Paul x

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So sorry to hear your loss. I lost my mum aged 90 in May this year. It has been so hard without her. I am her only daughter. I lost my dad many years ago. This hurts like crazy, but I am over 4 months on now and trying to take baby steps. I lost my job working for my employer over a year ago, just as my mum was admitted to hospital and then had to go into a care home as I could no longer look after her, after caring for her for 5 years. It was devastating, but I visited her every day at the care home and she did become worse with her illnesses. I am very lost without her, she meant the world to me (and me to her). I know she is at peace now. I started my own part-time business in 2007 (but had to stop this when mum became ill), but I still had my other job until just over 18 months ago. That was very hard as I had been at the same company for 35 years. I keep busy on the computer most of my time, which is a blessing as I would be totally lost otherwise. Take care and take it one day at a time, there’s no easy day to deal with our grief unfortunately. xxx


Thank you Paul for your reply and kind words. Yes it’s truly tragic in every sense of the word.
So gad you have made a place to remind you of your mum . It really does help
Thinking of you

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Thank you Deborah,
I guess it’s just something that we will have to graze on through.
I hope you have a peaceful evening.
Best wishes
Paul x

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