I miss you so much

3 months now and I feel so empty, lost, angry all in one. When family not here I feel so lonely and walking round the house aimlessly. I love gardening but cant be bothered with it. It makes me sad when I am outside and my husband not with me pottering around.
I feel so lonely. Please someone tell me this is normal at this stage :sleepy:

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Hi sorry for your loss .Ive the same timeline 12 weeks ago i lost my partner too .And i can tell you i have all the same feelings .people on here are great and keep telling us its such early days .Im 71 and have lost lots of people but this is unbearable at times.My heart breaks and the longing to be with him never ends ,i dont think it ever will So please keep posting and we can support each other xxx

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12 weeks today and very similar feelings. I don’t know how I am getting through this but feel for the kids and grandkids I have no option but to try. but it hurts beyond anything I’ve ever endured before. you aren’t alone. We are all here to support each other.

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I’m at the same stage and whilst I seemed to cope well at first it hit me a few weeks ago and now I feel exhausted,worried and sad.It’s difficult to concentrate on anything and it’s a struggle to think of what to eat. Everyone says it’s early days and it takes time.I hope that’s true. Thanks for sharing thoughts.

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Hi all
I really feel for you all. None of us expected such pain. How well I remember those first months. I’m afraid it is early days for you and yes, it does take time and there is a lot for the head to get around. Life seems like one big jumble and nothing makes any sense. I am now four years along and I can say that time does teach us how to cope with such trauma. I have sorted my life to what I enjoy doing, I have taken my time although I did take up new pastimes which just wasn’t for me but thought I should do them. Now I have found a balance and although my beloved husband isn’t far from my thoughts I can lead a life I am satisfied with.
I hope it gives you all faith that one day this dreadful pain will become easier to cope with.

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How long before you felt able to go into company? I have an excellent community centre which has music and lunch and other social events. Otherwise I am alone all day every day. The neighbours pop in and look after me. Don’t even have family who ring me this week as all on holiday. It is 1 month since my beloved Norman died after 50 years of marriage. This has been the longest month of my life

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Thanks i think we are all so down at this stage and carnt see any way through this We need more positives to give us hope thanks xxx

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Thankyou everyone for your kind words. I just cant see an end to this feeling at the moment and my emotions are everywhere. I hate my new way of life and feel so jealous when I see other couples together. Its just not fair.
I had my 60th birthday 2 weeks ago and so hated it, and next week is our 40th wedding anniversary. We had so many plans :sleepy::broken_heart:.
Thankyou all once again, I am so glad I found this group xxx

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Hi Pudding
You have asked how long before we can go out into company. I think it depends on the person and how they feel. I personally took some time which did surprise me. I tried but never felt at ease even with people that I knew well. I preferred my own company. I didn’t crave other peoples company. The grief was mine and I didn’t expect other people to live it with me. I tried meeting up with friends but even this was hard at times but eventually I started to socialise again. I see people to chat to every day now and happy enough with this. I think we know when we are ready to do the things that we can cope with.
Pat
xxx

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Thank you. It gives me hope that things will improve even though I can’t begin to even think about the future. I still get so tired - it seems this is stress related and rest is the answer.Lovely to hear how everyone is trying to cope.

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A piece of advice I was given shortly after I lost my husband was not to let other people dictate but do things at my own pace and when I felt ready to.
Don’t think too far ahead - -

My mum always used to sing “one day at a time” .

G. X

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Hi G
I agree don’t start thinking about a future just take it as it comes and at our own pace which is a good bit of advice. Amazing how we change through the different stages of grief.
I must be lucky as no one has tried to dictate to me which is probably for the best !!! I have taken my own time to work through it all and now find that I might have hit a happy balance and accept my life as it is.
Your Mum was right it is literally one day at a time…
Pat
xx

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Hi @Wilma40
I advise not to even think about a future just take each day/week/month and see what happens. I think that life found me and I moved with what I felt comfortable with. What I liked one minute I hated later. I think I have now balanced out and comfortable with life now.
Stress is a killer and so tiring and I couldn’t begin to think how to get rid of it. I kept busy, enjoyed exercising, did yoga/pilates and tried hard to meditate. Now I think the pressure has at last lifted but it took a while. I am not over my loss though but just learning to live with it but I can remember happy times now and mention my husband without so much pain ripping through me.
Pat
xx

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I feel exactly the same as all these people.I don’t want to wake up in the morning and have lost interest in everything I used to do. My husband was my life and helped me and supported me after an abused mentally ,first marriage.we were married for 46 years, met when working together and carried on working together until retirement.We always said we were a pair and did everything together.He fought heart failure for 8 years and passed away 10 days after we were told. Nothing more could be done for him.I keep blaming my self as he looked after me after several big operations.I just think I should have done more for him. He passed away in march this year.I am 78 and can’t wait to be with him.

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Hi am a year in after losing my partner and i was getting on with life as i had my 37 year old son with me and that helped a lot. But unfortunately he past away this may after a short battle with cancer .so my grief came back ten fold, but i set myself a task each day ,like go to the shop, tidy out a draw ,plant something. Or if am to low i sit and yes cry ,but it gets less each day.i to roam around the emty house some days but i just open his room door and say something to him as if he were their (no am not going crazy) it helps.you can only take each day as it comes

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Hi Stansbabe, it’s very normal, horrible but normal. Everything is hard to do when you are now alone. Going to places that you went together i still have mixed emotions. Very sad as they’re not there but i can now think of the fun we had also. We pottered in the garden & did projects together out there that made us laugh so much. Too not have that now is incredibly hard. All we can do is take it a day at time, go with the flow & hope we get through it & come out the other side. Take care & wishing you well.

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Today would have been our 50th wedding anniversary. He died 6 weeks ago. I expected to cry all day but so far ok. Think he must be looking down. Been trying to find a special watch he had to give to our nephew. Found it this morning. Somehow that has made me feel better.

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Hi Kate78, i can really empathise with being a pair. We used to say, “as long as i have you & you have me, we can get through anything.” That we did & we both had some battles to fight between us but we were there 100% of the time supporting eachother. Picking eachother up when feeling down. I blamed myself, for saving her when she needed me the most. I had to do CPR. I asked myself should i have done more, should i have a calked a Dr earlier that day? I know though that it wouldn’t have made any difference but i still feel it. You take care x

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Hi Scamp I know how you feel re.CPR I could’nt get my husband out of the bath so a called a neighbour for help, He was getting him into the bed room and I went to call the ambulance downstairs.Why I did’nt use the phone upstairs I do’nt know ,and my love passed away when they got to the bed. I feel so guilty that I was’nt with him.CPR was tried and by the ambulance but his heart was too damaged for it to restart. I had always managed to get him help with previous episodes but I feel I failed him one last time.Even after 4 months its is still difficuty trying to forgive my self.

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Hi @Scamp1 .
Thank you. Its harder than I ever imagined. I laugh at some of the things we have done but then feel so guilty for laughing i the first place. I cant get it out of my head that he is so unsettled without me, his biggest fear was leaving me and he even told his nurse just that.
I struggle with those thoughts at the moment :sleepy::broken_heart: x

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