I never got to say Goodbye and now I fear I never will

Losing a parent
#1

My dad passed suddenly on 19th March. He has been living in spain with his partner for 5 years.

He had no illness, he wasn’t poorly. Many people, family & friends spoke to him the day before and he was fine, no complaints.

His partner contacted us the afternoon of 19th and told us he had passed, she told a few of us that it was a heartattack, yet his heart had stopped before paramedics could get there and they were unable to restart it. The story has changed so many times. She said she was taking the dog for a walk, when she returned she found him, shes never walked that dog, with my dad or alone, she never has.
2 days before he died he text me to say lockdown was bad, police patrolling the streets arresting people for being out, they weren’t even allowed to walk the dog, yet she says she was out 45 mins.

He was taken for a postmortem which came back “unnatural cause of death” we were issued an interim death certificate but since the cause of death wasn’t found more tests would have to be taken. On 21st March dad was cremated, still no cause of death yet he was cremated?? Dads partner told us it would take 3 months to get an answer for what happened to him, its now coming up to 5 months and we still don’t know anything.

Dads ashes were returned to his partner, she has now gone off grid. Changing her number and ignoring all contact with the family completely. She’s used excuses like “if I bring his ashes back to the UK I will lose my citizenship” (neither her nor my dad ever had citizenship) “if I bring the ashed back I cant return to spain” and the classic " I cant bring them back to the UK because you’re not allowed to carry ashes on a plane"
We are devastated, confused, angry and just outright distraught that we may never get an answer or get to give him a true send off.
None of it makes any sense, I need to know what happened to my dad. She won’t answer any of us, nor will her sons. We don’t even know what she’s done with dads ashes.
There’s still so much of the story that has us so confused and doubting her. I just don’t know what to think or do.

#2

What a sad story Alliecal. I am so sorry. Your dad’s partner does appear to be somewhat evasive. Could you perhaps contact the hospital or even the coroner’s office in Spain where your dad passed away? Sorry I’m not much help. I hope you get the answers you’re looking for. Thinking of you. xx

#3

Thankyou Kate, we don’t know where he was taken. The interim certificate is very vague, only his name and date of birth are really stated on it. His Spanish address, even parents names are absent from it. His partner is the one that knows all we need to know but she has kept it from us all.
We have only this weekend found their Spanish address, my cousin and I were planing on flying over there and bringing him home, but now we hear flights to and from Spain are being cancelled because of the 14 day quarantine rules. We both have children, that we can’t take the risk we would get stuck out there.

We are grasping at everything we can at the moment in the chance for a lead. I’m just so exhausted with everything. X

#4

I really am so sorry for you. What about trying your local MP’s office to see if he/she could offer any help or advice. Anything is worth a try. Good luck. xx

#5

Hi very sorry for your loss and all the heartache with not knowing what’s going on . Regarding your dads ashes if you want to bring then back to UK you have to get a letter from the funeral director who arranged his funeral stating this also there should be a cremation letter with a ID number on which you have to show customs and let them know before hand both Spain and UK. I know all this because we have a holiday home in Bulgaria and Mick wanted some of his ashes over there. Can’t do it this year but will when I can. Hope you get things sorted xx

#6

My aunt made contact with the British embassy in spain on Friday to raise the issue, hopefully we can get some information of what to do from them. Im going to call dads solicitor tomorrow so see if he can suggest anything.

1 Like
#7

Thankyou Kim, I’ve been researching the last couple of days what is needed to bring him home. I’m glad I did as I didnt realise how much needed to be done. Thankyou for your advice, its good to know.
I hope you are soon able to take Mick to where he wanted to be. Everything is so up in the air at the moment that it makes this awful process so much more difficult.
X

#8

Not easy a lot involved really hope you get it sorted take care x

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