I still cannot believe that my beloved husband is not coming back to me. Since he died suddenly in February this year I am going downhill. Yesterday I was crying and could not go out for a walk. Today I will try to go to the library to return a book and pick up my medicine from the pharmacy. I already took Kalms without eating anything yet. I cannot stop crying and I just want to die. I hoped that it will get a bit - just a bit - easier to survive, instead, it is getting harder and harder every day. I hate the person I became through my loss. And now another lonely dreadful weekend is coming up. Talking to friends doesn’t help. They do not understand the pain and loneliness. Is there any hope?
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I relate to what you are feeling. I am 4 months in and it isn’t getting any easier…in fact it’s harder. I have learned to cope on my own…I already did most of the cooking…but I increasingly wonder what I am coping for…I CAN cope
…but I don’t WANT to cope. It all seems like a big sham and I feel dishonest with myself. This life I’m leading was for both of us…not just me. So I am increasingly getting frustrated and angry…but I don’t know what I am getting angry at. I have discussed all of this with my counselor and she reasures me it’s still very early days. But as time moves on these feelings are getting more pronounced. Feel like I am treading water …in total limbo. 
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I am more angry about myself because I have the feeling that I let my lovely husband down. He did not want that I am suffering as I do but I cannot help it. Cooking is such a shore for one person. My freezers are full and so is the fridge. I still have lots of lentil soup in the freezer, ready for him to take to work, frozen in handy portions. Even doing the laundry is not the same anymore. I am missing washing and ironing his shirts, trousers etc. Hugs from Anna 
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I understand and resonate with all of the feelings of you all.
Sadly we have all realised that time is no healer, only people who have not tread in our shoes can say that.
We all know that is is the complete opposite.
Everything just gets harder with time …the missing , the loneliness, the intense sadness,
And the realisation it’s forever 
Hugs to you all 
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@Cathphil @UnityMan @Annaessex yes indeed it is getting harder. I feel like I am a boiling kettle about to explode. After 5 months I still can’t quite accept that I will never see my handsome husband again. I call for him to come back every day. I just hate this situation and never thought this would happen to us. All our future plans and dreams have gone and our lives have been robbed especially my husband who was 53 years old. How are we meant to live this lonely life which we didn’t choose or was prepared for without our soulmates. 
Sending lots of love Xx
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