I still feel numb with locked in sadness

It’s been three years since my mum passed but I still feel sad and numb . My mum passed in hospital with vascular dementia she was 69 years old ,I was with my mum until midnight. i received a very aggressive voicemail message from my dad at 5am saying mum was close to the end , I rushed straight to the hospital only to be greeted by my dad with his comments of don’t you answer your phone etc , things got heated between us , my mum had already passed by this time and my dad was still arguing with me . I couldn’t cope , I throw myself bk into work straight away , I didn’t grieve because I was so angry with my dad , we didn’t contact each other for a year … after a year had passed I decided to go see him and try and put this behind us , when I got there he proceeded to tell me that he had met an old flame from his youth and she was moving in with him , he then showed me some bin bags of my mother’s clothes that he was taking to charity. I didn’t react and after a while left to return home … after a month had gone by more upset happened, the new girlfriend had failed to tell my dad that she had been in an abusive marriage, she had returned to her marital home to collect belongings where she was then killed by her awaiting husband … moving forward a year my dad has now met another lady who has moved in with him … I just feel so numb , I find it difficult to visit him or be around him … nobody seems to understand how I feel … I just feel so sad for my mum

Hi Sam.Welcome. What an awful three years you have had emotionally. You must feel so tired and maybe exhausted. It does sound as if your dad is uncaring, but we all cope in the best way we can. Try not to be too hard on him. None of us knows what goes on in another’s mind. I have never gone along with the idea that because it’s your dad you must be kind and understanding. Yes, of course you must if there is any hope of reconciliation, but when that option runs out it may be best to leave it with no regrets. Let him make the moves, which he will if he has any love or understanding of what he is doing. Parents can often be cruel. If being with your dad makes you sad and uncomfortable why do it? Love and understanding are two way things.
Take care and it’s good to have you with us. John.

Hi Sam so much going on & so much sadness to cope with. I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved mum. Sending love, comfort and strength xx

Sam, All this upset must have been mentally draining for you so you must put yourself first for a while. Counselling may help you to talk it out and get your feelings clear in your own mind before you can move forward with future decisions. Sue Ryder site offers free counselling sessions if needed. You can’t put everyone else’s world right so just go with what feels right for you.

Thankyou Jean