Hi, I lost my Mum in nov 2020, suddenly, whilst not being allowed to visit her in hospital. I have been going to counselling , and thought I was doing ok, but having been made redundant and we are in tied accommodation, I have fallen apart. There is the strong possibility they will offer me another job, but the uncertainty over this is going to last for a year. I have been so low I just didn’t want to be here over the weekend, so have been to dr. It has made me think though, whether having so much of Mum and Dads things here is not helping. I single handedly cleared their 4 bedroom family home during early 2021, when lockdown was going on and charities couldn’t accept anything. I kept what I could and had to throw so much perfectly good possessions into the Tip. I have my duvet from childhood for example, curtains, the pen pot that stood on Dads desk ……. A friend recently said if it causes you pain then perhaps better to move those items on. Does anyone have any experience of this? It feels so disrespectful to be throwing more of their possessions away .
I am so sorry for your loss of your mum and dad and I can empathise with the feelings around possessions. You must have had a very difficult time working through a whole house. My mum passed 5 months ago and she lived on her own in a small flat but even that took a lot of effort and was fairly emotional. I had to clear it within 5 weeks.
I always felt pressure to keep everything as at the time I wasn’t sure if I would be thinking straight. So I moved a lot to storage. Since then I have been sorting out possessions and I have quite a lot around me at home in boxes or on shelves. It is a constant reminder but I think I still need to feel she is near me. However when I’m sorting through a box I feel a pain and sadness throwing or recycling anything. It doesn’t matter what. I’ve been through 20 boxes of books recently, most have no sentimental value but just taking them to recycling I feel like I’m closing a chapter and it does make me feel sad.
I would say that the possessions may cause some pain but I think for me at least they are connection and I still want that. Possibly in time I will box up more and at least store them away. My thoughts with you.
I like to use my husband’s possessions.
Stuff no one would want like his old clothes I use as rags to clean up things. I don’t want it all gone yet. But I expect it I will feel differently some day.
When my Mum died I found it so painful to have all her things around, as if she’d popped out and would be back… My brother felt the same so we cleared her house apart from photo’s and various bits and bobs of sentimental value. I don’t think there’s an easy answer really, whatever you have, even a few photos can be sufficient trigger for feeling the grief raw and sharp. I now feel this when I visit the empty house and can’t wait for it to be sold so that I don’t have to feel the absence of my Mum in that space. Best wishes xx
I had no choice but clear my parents house when they died but kept my mum’s clothes and gave a suitcase of them to her aunt. I still wear my mum’s coat and she died in 1996. I will wear it when it is cold at Xmas forever. I love it and it has been much admired.
I still keep my dad’s ornaments and old flower tubs. I won’t chuck them. I love them. I love to have something that was his. I won’t give them away ever. It is like an heirloom. I wear my husband’s things and will continue to do so.
I use his tools and like to do so. I love remembering him. I don’t want to forget my folk