4 years ago I sat in a hospital and watched my mum pass away from cancer and last year in the same hospital I watched my dad pass away suffering with dementia. It was horrible. Very graphic! One minute they are here and the next…gone.
I don’t get on with any of the 4 sisters I have and they have literally disappeared with out so much as leaving a phone number. So I find myself totally alone in a flat which I share with someone I know.
Just can’t seem to come to terms with the fact I am a orphan at 36 years old. Alll I do most days is stare into space thinking about my mum and dad. It could be what I did wrong or not making them proud etc but they are constantly on my mind.
I have never felt so alone in all my life and it seems that not one person cares.
I even spoke to a doctor about it who gave me some sort of number to speak to a councillor which for a guy like me goes against everything I know, talking about your feelings. But I phoned the line and was shocked at how I was treated. They just kept saying I needed to be assessed on the phone and I will be called back by this person and that and all they kept asking was the same questions. In the end it got so ridiculous I gave up.
Just do not know how I will ever come to terms with losing them. My mum especially was my rock. I came to her about everything and it all seemed better after a bit of advice from mum.
Who do I go to now? Seriously do not know how I can go on living with out them never seeing them or speaking to them again.
And I know people will say the same things, it will get better and easier to come to terms with. I don’t want to come to terms with it!
A lot of the time I feel like I am wasting oxygen! Pointless.