I’ve lost my Dad

I lost my Dad suddenly on Saturday 24th June, I found him at home and the scene in which my brother and I found him was terrible and very traumatic due to blood etc. I can’t shake the imagine and I feel physically sick at with the pain of losing him, we spoke 2 to 3 times everyday and I miss him so much

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Hi, what a devastating shock for you, sorry for your loss. There are no words to ease such awful pain. Take each moment/hour/day as it comes and know that whatever you feel is entirely normal. Don’t have any expectations of what your grief will be like because it’s brutal and a hard road to travel. Look after yourself because you’ll need to get through the emotional turmoil. Best wishes xx

Hi Gemlou. I haven’t been back to this forum for a long time now but for some reason I tuned in. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss (what do those words really mean? They’re so easy to say yet make no difference). To find your dad like that is so traumatic and I do feel for you and your brother. I lost my dad just over a year ago. Just before his birthday where I had booked to take him and my mom on a weeks holiday. He was a fit man who became Ill very quickly. We were told he’d recover and his meds were for pain management. He begged me to take him home to get better and we did but he didn’t get better. I helped my mom, along with carers coming into the house, until they bought in the driver and I knew it would be days. I watched, I helped I went through the motions and then said my goodbyes, it was the most horrific thing I’ve ever endured. In the days I was robotic and just got on with it, this was replaced by anger, then not able to accept he’s gone, then a form of PTSD. You just want them back, you can’t undo what you witness, the crying seems relentless. But as time passes, a kind of acceptance happens, the tears aren’t like waves anymore that bowl you over and they don’t come as frequent. But your life changes. It’s the weirdest of feelings because it just isn’t the same anymore so you reevaluate it. It was my first step into realising that one day I would have to face this at some point and now that day had come and gone. It does get easier, the pain isn’t as intense, your memories of how bad it all was , does lessen. But you need to talk about it. You need to get it out. I had a fantastic councillor given to me by the Sue Ryder group for 6 weeks. I was in such a state that we continued into 12 weeks. It does help. My mom and I still have days we talk about those final days and what we endured and we still get upset but that’s what helps us. One day at a time, Allow yourself those days to just cry or get angry and know that they will pass until the next episode. Don’t rush the grieving because they’re is no magic wand. If you and your brother can talk then continue to as you can help one another. I do feel for you though, from the heart because the pain is really like no other. I am able to now talk to my dad in my weird way but I want to tell him so much and show him so much and that hurts. I carry him in my heart and I truly believe he’s watching me, as silly as that may sound, it helps me. If you need to reach out continue to and we can all help lots of love to you both x

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