I’ve lost my wonderful mum all of a sudden - a sudden heart aneurysm with no prior symptoms. She was healthy and full of life and central to my life. It probably sounds selfish but I fear not being able to cope with my two young children without her and I am just so anxious - sometimes the tears just take over and I find myself sort of wailing - it feels so self indulgent. She was only in her 60s so I feel robbed of so much time with her, but also in the background I feel guilt that I won’t have to take care of her in her old age. I loved her so very much. Can someone talk to me?
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Hi,
I’m sorry to hear that you have recently lost your mum suddenly. It really is so awful, I’m probably a good person to talk to because i lost my mum suddenly 2 years ago last week and my mum brought my daughter up with me and lived with us.
When she died, on top of the shock and trauma, I had no idea how I was going to cope practically or emotionally as my mum did everything for me.
My mum did all my childcare whilst I worked, she was my best friend and my daughters second mum. The loss has been so great that I am only just coming to terms with it 2 years on.
I still very much take each day as it comes and I have learnt to do things that mum used to help me out with. I didnt even know how to sew a button on and I had a panic attack when my daughter brought her school skirt to me a few weeks after my mum died.
Mum did all that sort of thing while I bought the house, looked after the finances, did all the driving etc.
You will get there but it isnt easy. Please ask away if you have anything you need advice with I was 48 when mum died and my daughter was 12.
My mum had a sudden brain haemorrhage aged 74. She was energetic, funny, fiercely independent and amazing.
Cheryl x
Hi Cheryl
Thanks for replying. I’m sorry to hear about your mum too. I think I’m still partly in shock as we went from complete normality to this very traumatic loss so quickly. My mum leaves a huge void in my life and I’m worried about my Dad and the future without her. My children are so young and won’t be affected or remember her I assume which is really hard, although I’m glad that they are so resilient. She did some childcare for me although that’s ok to fix, it’s more the void in my life she leaves in terms of supporting and advising me as a Mum. I fear being a worse mum.
I’m finding it very hard to cope. Are there any coping mechanisms you used?
Hi Kdox
Unfortunately just time has enabled me to try and become a little used to this new life.
I had 6 bereavement counselling sessions and hated every second of them. They were no help to me at all.
My dad died when I was in my 20s so I havent had to worry about him although being without a parent at all has been very hard.
I’m afraid all I have had is time, this site and the mad, rushing around of full time work, a child to care for and a house to run
Sorry I cant give you more.
Cheryl x
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Hey kdox, i lost my mum suddenly to and im worrying over the same things as you. I dont think i can cope without my mum withy little one, she was always help and advice me on what to do. My mum was aldo in her 60s, im so annoyed and upset she was taken so soon when she had all this time to enjoy with us all. Sorry im not much help,just wantes you to know im thinking and feelin some of the same things as you.
Sorry you’re going through the same thing. When did this happen? Sending a hug. I think my initial shock is wearing off a bit now I’m just so sad, often just crying tears of despair. It’s been around 2 weeks for me.
I keep going into a state of despair when I think about things we will never do again or things she won’t see. One of my children starts school in September - I dread that without her. I keep closing my eyes and trying to hear her talk to me. Sometimes I hear her say I need to be strong and sometimes I hear nothing. It’s awful this feeling it’s like a nightmare.
Hi kdox
It’s such a short time since you lost your mum. I had 4 months off work where I was so shocked and could barely function.
Just take each day as it comes and look after yourself.
You will learn how to cope.
Cheryl
I hope so Cheryl. Thanks for replying to me.
Hey kdox, it happened three weeks ago for me. sending u hugs too. Ive had alot of crying aswell. Not sure if the shock part has gone for me yet.
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Im the same, i think of all the things she would be doing with me and my little one.
Im hating the idea of all of it without my mum. My little one starts school in September to, it upsets me she will not see her in her new uniform. Im thinking the same as you, its a nightmare, i wake up thinkin its just a.bad dream or a nightmare most the time at the moment.
I’m in the same boat myself I lost my mother unexpectedly due to a blood clot that went from her right knee that she had replaced in January to her heart, I always pictured her seeing me get married and having my own babies now that cannot happen, I don’t sleep so well sometimes and I cry quite often at night especially when I sit up by myself.
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Hi Fugatem I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sorry all our losses were sudden and recent. It would be good to keep this discussion going. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with this. I’m still struggling so much to believe it’s real although I know it’s real if you see what I mean.
Sounds like we are in a very similar place. I’m sorry you’re joining me here.
It is still very real for me yet I think everyday my mama is gonna call me in the morning to wake me because we were living together and my dad was living with us as well and now my dad and I are living together I still expect to hear her say Melissa come help me get ready for bed.
I’ve had a really bad day today. I keep panicking and thinking I can’t cope. Can’t cope with the grief basically. Moments when I can hardly breathe.
Fugatem - my mum passed away sudden too, which a blood clot started it. Its hard to know something like this could change you life so quickly.
People seem to think im coping but i know im not. I find the night time the hardest. Its hard knowing all the things that should be happening and isnt going to now.
Sorry for you loss.
Kdox - ive started writing a diary, maybe this would help, thought i would suggest it and see if it can help you.
Found writting it down helped abit. I was thinking the same as thing this morning i cant cope so had to change it to smaller steps (eg brushing teeth, getting dressed, getting into the car) seemed to help abit.
I’ve thought of writing mum a letter. But having written it where should I put it? That’s where I got lost. I’ve seen some grief journals and I think a diary would really help me. I like the idea. I think I will buy one and then see how I get on. I agree with you that taking short practical steps seems to help. Sometimes it over takes me tho.
I went and downloaded an diary app onto my phone.
I did see some people had been writing letters but like you jot sure where for them to go once ive written them. I thought of puttin them into a box but still unsure on that one still. Ive still thinking it over the best place to put it, then i might try write one.