My beautiful partner Armando took his own life at the end of 2024, I am so lost without him. I am really not coping and I don’t have anyone I can talk to. I am not going to lie, all I really want is to join him, but please don’t worry I am not going to do anything. I don’t really believe there is anything after death anyway, just my own personal opinion , I respect everyone’s beliefs but that’s mine.
I have tried asking for help from my GP but the earliest appointment I can get it 5 weeks away. I need help but I feel like such a burden on everyone. I just want to stay in bed and get drunk so I don’t feel anything anymore.
Arm (as he preferred to be called), was lonely and struggled with depression for much of his life. It was just us and his mom and now I am alone. I don’t see anyway forward, I have tried to be positive but why? He will never come back to me will he. so what is the point in hoping things will get easier?
I am sorry for being so glum, but it’s how I truly feel and I am sick of pretending otherwise. I don’t really know why am writing this, I guess I don’t know what else to try, but truthfully, my expectations of it helping are low.
There is no need to apologise for anything, its been 3 months since I lost my beloved husband to cancer, he was only 50. After 22 years my life is empty, I miss him everyday and struggling without him.
These past few days ive hit rock bottom and just don’t want to go on without him.
Im so sorry for your loss, im not much for advice but being on here with others who are going through the same thing does help to get everything out.
This, i said this often and i have family, children. This is a very common feeling. I can hear your pain. Just keep letting it out, it does help, even for just a little while.
I always say it’s better out than it but sometimes talking to people who don’t understand grief can cause them to panic and think we are going to do something stupid.
We just have to let it how we feel and this is a safe space to do it and we get it.
Thank you Poppet, I am so sorry you are having to go through this too. I am no good at giving advice either, it’s just nice to be able to talk about it and to know someone cares. I think that’s where I am know, rock bottom. It’s hard to imagine that it could be harder than those first few days, but it is, at first non of it feels real, you expect to wake up. I know now it is real and I am not going to wake up.
Thank you for taking the time to message me, it is really appreciated, my thoughts are with you, look after yourself.
Thank you Ali, you are spot on when you say people don’t understand grief unless they are going through it, I have no plans to end my life, but I still don’t want to be here. You dare say anything sometimes in case the paramedics or the police turn up at your door. I know I can speak openly on here.
Look after yourself the best you can, and thanks again for understanding.
I too don’t plan to end my own life, I wouldn’t put my children through that knowing what I done, also my husband and I didn’t believe in suicide unless the person was in so much pain and there was no other way out.
Lately I have hit rock bottom and don’t want to be here, yes if im honest I wake up look at the tablets on the bedside table and I think about, I go to bed and think about the same thing.
I just don’t want to be here anymore, I miss my husband so much, yes I have the children but they have there own lives and haven’t lived at home for a few years.
The one person I could talk to is the one person who is not here, he always knew what to say to make it better, i miss the hugs that would make it better.