I’ve very recently lost my dear Mother

Hello everyone

I found this forum by chance & hope you can offer some solace.

I was my Mother’s evening & overnight Carer for a good 8yrs. Mum had Advanced Alzheimer’s. We also had carers visit her x3 a day & someone who would sit with her whilst I was at work.

My Mother was in hospital for just over 2wks very recently because she developed shingles & then complications afterwards.

My dear Mother ‘let go’ in the early hours of yesterday morning, Sunday 8th August.

I know this is early days but how does one deal with the anxiety (sometimes in the middle of the night), the stressed feeling & lack of sleep?

I have medication from my Dr to hopefully reduce the anxiety, which has been building for the past 2wks when Mum was in hospital.

Will this get better as I’m so tired & my nerves are ‘jangling’ it seems constantly.

I feel slightly better as the day wears on though, strangely - has anyone experienced that also?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.



I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum, you must be devastated, even though you know that this is something you were going to have to go through, it still comes as a shock, as you say, it is early days, you need to ask your GP for a short course of sleeping pills, just to get you through the next few days, while you come to terms with what has happened, I hope you have family to support you, as the next few weeks are going to be busy sorting out all the arrangements, which come when somebody dies, you need to take each day at a time and be kind to yourself, do whatever feels right for you, sending love Jude xx

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I’m so very sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is completely normal but of course doesn’t make those feelings any easier.

I can 100% assure you that these feelings will pass but it does take time.

I lost my dad 6 months ago. My anxiety and stress levels were extremely high. I couldn’t be alone. And I would try anything to distract myself from the awful thoughts I was having.

Personally I began to feel a bit more ‘at peace’ when the funeral was over. As I felt I’d done my best and all I could to give my dad a good send off. This was around 7 weeks after he had passed.

I found talking about how I felt to friends and family and being completely honest, a huge help. I also kept a journal writing out all my thoughts with no guilt or shame, or unwanted advice. It’s helped me process things a bit better.

This site is good, it helps know you’re not on your own. However, I found it didn’t help me at first as most people would reply to me with their own story which made me more anxious, rather than giving me advice. I don’t mean this in a bad way, but just watch what you are reading / consuming online, as it may heighten your anxiety.

Please look after yourself. Sending thoughts and prayers x

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Many thanks Jude and RavenRose for your messages. Sorry it’s taken this long to reply.

It’s been a difficult week - up & down, feeling very anxious, lack of sleep, lonely, noticing that it’s only myself in the house apart from my two cats.

I have two brothers but they have their own families & full-time busy jobs. I don’t have a husband, boyfriend, partner or children. What have I been doing all my life? These situations make you think this way.

I know I’ve got to give myself time as people tell me but I’m sure you can appreciate it’s not easy. I’m trying desperately to do usual household things every day & go back to work in the afternoons just for 2-3hrs to keep myself occupied.

I understand what you say RavenRose about reading too many problems & yes, I certainly don’t mean that in an unkind way either.

Thank you both once again.



I lost my mum last March 2020 just before the first lockdown came in she suffered from a massive stroke and never regained consciousness after being in hospital for 3 nights.
My sister and myself have just laid her to rest after going upto see my dad in July this year. We managed to see her in hospital and have the funeral then had to come back home the next day after the funeral. Then with the lockdowns couldn’t get back to my dad’s.
My sister and myself had her interned with her late mum which was my mum’s wishes. It was a very distressing day for both of us breaking down in tears.
I still can’t get over that she has passed away and still breaking down in tears. I know it should get a bit better but I still can’t get over it.

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Hi there I am sorry to hear about your Mom. It will hopefully get better, I too lost my Mom in May, I had to go to the Doctors for my anxiety, but am better now, it was just awful whilst she was in hospital but she managed to get home and passed away then. Hopefully it will give some comfort to know she is at peace and I talk to my Mom all the time, which I hope helps.

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I wonder if you ever will. I lost my Mom in May and still have tears and miss her terribly. I just think you learn to love with it and time does heal,

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I was wondering how your day went.

You ‘wont get over it’ you never will.

After 2 years suddenly losing my mum to a massive stroke I actually feel better accepting that I will never get over it.

I simply carry my grief and the loss of her with everything I do. It makes for alot of sadness but at least I’m not waiting to get over it.

She was your beloved mum.


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I think you just have to get through it somehow.

Better times will come.

Just over 2 years ago I lost my 74 year old mum very suddenly. Here one day laughing and joking and gone the next.

I spent so long seeking counselling, viewpoints from others, advice etc but now feel somewhat at peace knowing I will never get over losing my mum but trying to live the best life I can alongside my grief.

I accept that some days I cant hold the tears in yet others I get through the day ok.

I accept that life will never be the same but whilst I am still alive I have to try and live. My mum would be devastated if I didnt.

Things will get easier, I promise
The early days are very very hard.


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Hi all, just reading all your stories makes me realise that I too have that overwhelming feeling that I never want to get over losing my mum, she passed away in July this year and I miss her so much, no one can prepare you for the pain of losing a loved one, I still feel lost, angry and guilty she isn’t here, I know I’ll never be the same person as I was before, I will just get through each day at a time, I just wish I could feel her presence, wish I had her in my dreams but I’ve had nothing as yet to help me know she is ok, that’s all I want is to know she is ok & not alone, I hope you all are doing ok on this rollercoaster journey we are all on, look after yourselves, keep messaging
Lynn x


I too lost my Mother in May, as you say you never get over the pain of losing that special person in your life. I don’t want to either.

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