I cared full-time for my mother who died with dementia. My brother and sister didn’t phone or visit so I was left on my own to deal with a load of tasks. It was really hard and to preserve myself I think I pulled away from her in someways, I think I suffered a mental breakdown.
She would be crying if I made sandwiches and I would continue to make them, because I knew if I didn’t continue nothing would ever be done, because she wanted me stuck to her hip 24/7 to comfort her and obviously we had to eat to live.
I did the wrong thing and spoke to a psychic and the first thing she said was I didn’t comfort my mum enough. So, I felt devastated.
I slept at night on the couch below her single bed. Unfortunately I suffer from insomnia and my mum would fall asleep about 10pm whilst I would fall asleep about 3am. So, I would only have one hours sleep before she started shouting me. I once stormed up the stairs to get a sleep in my bed, but I had to put earplugs on because she was crying. This lasted about three hours but I was just too tired to go downstairs and comfort her.
I feel guilty about this, do you think I should?
Dont feel bad you did everything you needed to do for your mum. It was the dementia that made her say and do things that was out of character so don’t ever blame yourself. If anything your siblings should have helped and taken some of the load off your shoulders. You sound a caring loving daughter who put others before yourself. Maybe now you should just think of yourself and be kind to yourself you did your best no one could ask for more. Sending you a hug xx
Hi Misprint, do you think I should feel guilty about not comforting my mum, like the psychic said. How do you deal with guilt? Someone spoke to me about giving myself a present of forgiveness, it’s called GRACE.
No you should not feel guilty. You did your best and no one could ask for more. Yes I have a lot of guilt I was the one that made my husband go into hospital and he never come out, I was the one that told him he would be ok and he wasn’t so yes I feel very guilty but I have to put it to the back of my mind or it will consume my life. It very hard to carry on without our soulmate but he wouldn’t want me to blame myself but I do. Hope in time you can forgive yourself xx
Hello @daft4killie
I dont think the psychic had messages received of how supportive you was to your Mum, you cared for her full time, on your own, no help from your siblings, hardly sleeping. Your body at times was pulling away from your Mum as you needed respite and your own mental health was suffering. I think you are an amazing, caring daughter and should feel proud you helped your Mum, dementia is a cruel disease and its very hard work caring for them and you done that all on your own.
Feeling guilty is the hardest thing to cope with, we twist and turn what we should of or shouldn’t have done, but you have to work so hard in remembering that you did your best.
Amy x