I wish I could see and speak to my husband

I’m really not coping, theres no point pretending.
I lost my husband end of September and I really can’t come to terms with it. I’m sick of people watching what they say and do around me, telling me it will get better. I hate seeing people xmas shopping and xmas lights and talking about xmas and making plans. I just want to be with my husband.
It was my dads 90th birthday well would have been but he passed away a year past June. My mum had cds on that had videos from my dads 70th but also on the disc were videos of my husband when we went for a weekend in Dublin (20 years ago) the fast forwarded it and wouldn’t let me watch. I just can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know what to do. I know there is no magic pill, I wish there was, I know no-one can help this go away, but I really cant see how I can keep pretending I’m fine.
I just needed to write this as can’t talk to anyone.

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Hi @Fran61 Sending love to you and hope you will find that people on here understand. We are all here sadly for the same reason and needing somewhere to come where we don’t have to explain.
I lost my wonderful husband in April and am finding Christmas and all it involves so difficult.

It must be up to you what you want to watch and look at and remember. It’s a shame your family didn’t understand that you need to choose for yourself. There are times when I WANT to look at, or listen to things which make me cry as it builds up and I need that release.

It is very early days for you; it still feels early for me and I am 5 months ahead of you.
Don’t expect too much of yourself. We have lost a hugely important part of our lives and half of who we were. I know I always felt we were meant to come as a pair, not two individuals, so losing my Richard is like losing half of myself.

We WILL all get through it but it’s tough.
Hugs. xxx

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Hi Fran
Me too not coping to well thought I was as bit reached a blip tonight can’t stand it . Lost my husband 4 months ago suddenly .
Have lovely friends etc but recently everyone busy preparing for Christmas I can’t stand it wish I could disappear for a month .
It’s very difficult and feel like it’s torture had bad night tonight thinking of way things used to be cosy night nice meal watching tv chatting making plans for Xmas organising presents etc.
Think tonight I’m at the point whereby do t want to be bothered making effort etc meeting up with friends etc need time on my own now
You take care and make sure you focus on your needs and what you want to do not pleasing doing what others expect.

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@Fran61
My heart goes out to you and I’m sorry you can’t talk to anyone about how you’re feeling. Unless someone has been through the same they don’t know how you’re really feeling. It’s awful when people tip toe around and watch what they say, there’s nothing worse. It’s ok not to be ok and how you’re feeling is ok. Losing your beloved husband is heartbreaking. I lost mine in January and I’m still not coping 11 months on. I’ve got an amazing family that are so supportive but I can’t talk to them about how I’m feeling. I’d give anything to see my husband again one last time, to talk to him , to hug him and tell him how much I love him. This community has saved my life as I can be open and say how I’m feeling. I don’t know where I’d be now if it wasn’t for how supportive everyone is on here. If you need to talk I’m always here. You’re not alone on here. We’re all going through the hardest times of our lives.
Sending you love and hugs xx

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Hi @Ferne
I know what you mean about not wanting the effort involved.
Two other couples along with my husband and I used to go out for a meal prior to Christmas each year. One partner of those couples has been so supportive and still rings me, as he used to ring my husband, to see how we are and to pass on news. I have been very touched by his care.
He arranged the meal and has made it as easy as possible for me in that it is Sunday lunch instead of an evening and I am taking my daughter (who has a learning disability.)

That is today and I am now dreading it. The only other social things I have been to have been in my village so I could leave at any time.

Sending you love and hugs. xxx

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Hi @Karen69

Yes, that one last time - but that would never be enough either, I know.
We’ll all keep supporting each other, as we DO at least understand each other.
No loss has ever been this painful.
A very kind person in the village said yesterday she understands how difficult Christmas is as she lost her Dad 18 years ago in the October and always finds Christmas difficult.
Having lost my own dear Dad 27 years ago the two don’t compare and she has no idea how this is for us.

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(This is in reply to all if you but I dont know how to reply individually)
I do have good family support and even my husbands family are keeping in touch but that hurts more as they never kept in touch with my husband - their brother, it also makes me angry but i bite my tongue and bear it. And as you all say nobody understands, it is totally different losing someone you were with 24/7.
I was at my sister’s last night and her house is always manic and distracting but it seems worse when i come home, i just want to stay in my bed all the time watching rubbush tv .
Good luck with your lunch today, I’m sure everyone will make sure you are okay x
This group is great and it does help knowing I am not being “over the top” missing my husband/best friend/soul mate as I do, and it’s good to know that there are people out there who were lucky enough to have had what myself and my husband had :revolving_hearts:
Thank you

Thanks @Fran61
The lunch was odd. I forget who posted on here that if you talk about my husband I may cry but if you don’t it will break my heart. Well, whoever it was could have been describing what happened.
They are very kind people we were with and I think they thought they were making it easier for me but Richard wasn’t mentioned by anyone apart from me and my daughter. The only reason I know any of them is through him. They were his mates from years back and their other halves.

Anyway, I got through it so that’s another first ticked off.

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Hi lonely and everyone

We are all numb suffering hurting
Paul’s best pal and work mate came today
We freely talk about Paul but he did ask if it was ok to mention him and talk about him
This comes from his previous visits I’ve got upset when mentioning Paul so he thought he’d better ask
I want to hear his name
I want to talk about him
He’s here with me always I’ve gotta believe that to survive
Don’t bottle feelings it’s who we are
decades of being together …… they are in our dna
But boy does it hurt not being here
Think Christmas we’ll just have to survive
Like everyone I’m absolutely dreading it
I don’t go out
Music couples happiness planning
Not for us unfortunately and and it’s so bloody hard
Yes Paul’s funeral 120 folk
Don’t need one hand who has been in touch ……
When I see a couple now or think of them I just think you haven’t a bloody clue what’s going to hit you…… eventually…… is that so wrong?
Always here….
posting helps cos I know you all just ‘get it’
Hugs to all
Xx

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Hi Bess
I know what you mean no it’s not wrong to c other couples etc and think about your loss it’s normal
We can’t believe it and I must admit o hate seeing other couples. Now as think about me and my husband. In happier tones like them planning for Xmas etc organising everything together etc
It’s so heartbreaking for us all can’t wait sit fir Xmas to be over.
I’ve decided to make a will in new year and sort house out as don’t want anyone having additional burden etc if anything happens to me x

Hi Fran. I know your pain This will be my 3rd Christmas without my soulmate I hurt like mad as just lost my mum a month ago. I can but only hug you and together we will have to be strong

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Hi @KarenF
You’re totally right. Once wouldn’t be enough. I’d never want to let him go.
I lost my dad in 2009 but the pain I felt then is nothing compared to how I’m feeling now. The pain is indescribable.
I’m so thankful for this forum or I’d be totally lost. It’s so nice the way everyone supports each other. As we are all going through the same.
Big hugs to you xx

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Hi
I so to want that hug
I’d never ever ever let go
Ever
Xx

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Lonely
That is so sad, i get that as well you want people to say their name but some don’t and it hurts so much :broken_heart:

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Hi
Me too
Without a doubt
Xx

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Right with you Fran, I lost my husband in November, I’m not coping at all, the pain I feel is horrific, I can see no end to it and no future…
I can’t sleep, can’t eat, and want to just lock myself away…

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Me too Linda

If I could lock myself away from everyone at the moment and resurface mid January think that would help me

It’s torture and never ending

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Hi
Yes to locking ourselves away
Realistically would it help think facing it is our biggest fear……
A new life …… don’t want one
Move on …… don’t want to
but we all know it’s not as simple as that
We’ve all lost a a huge chunk of our DNA and I just want it back
Sadly won’t get it and that hurts like hell
I am just functioning……. Some days not
Christmas…… go away and Paul loved Christmas……
New year is totally unthinkable
One day at a time
One hour at a time
These days that’s my existence
Big hugs to everyone
Xx

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Yes…this an awful time Christmas is about children and grandchildren rhat is whats keeping me going qs only laid mum to rest last week. Strength to you all x

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It’s been 22 months since I lossed my husband Steve he died suddenly of a massive bleed to the brain, unfortunately my sister has just lossed her husband in a very similar situation and it has brought everything flooding back. I feel so lossed as she needs a lot of support and I am trying but it’s hard as I am struggling I don’t know what to do, I was just about coping myself. My daughter has just told me she is expecting twins in June which is such lovely news but so heartbroken that Steve not here to share the joy, I just miss him so much he was my rock and my life for the past 40 years I am so lonely without him.

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