I wish we could know

Coping with bereavement
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I understand this isn’t the place for speculation about life after death and that is not my intention. I just wanted to talk about an aspect of loss that relates to it, so I hope this is permissable.

For context, my Dad died at the end of March, unexpectedly and quickly. Last year I had plans to start doing certain things that I hadn’t done since before Covid. I used to be a sports coach, for example, and this time last year was thinking about getting back to it. When I had originally quit, Dad had been disappointed and I never actually explained the reasons.

But things had changed recently and I decided I might get back to it.

Last year came and went. I never followed through on the various plans I had, including coaching, and before the Winter was over, he was gone.

I’ve gone back as of last month. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I had to take a break to go and get emotional.for a while, out of sight.

I wish he knew what I was doing, these days. I wish he could hear me when I talk to him. It’s so hard not knowing if they’re still there, if they might be watching, taking an interest.

I don’t follow any established religion. I just wish death wasn’t so final.

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Hello Mike, ..i lost my husband in March as well. …I get what you’re saying, we still want a relationship with our loved ones. But sadly, the physical connection is no more. But I do feel there is still a spiritual connection, i do believe our loved ones are near, they can hear us and are there for us…such love :heart: doesn’t just disappear ..Hopefully you’ll get a message from your dad soon. I believe they send us little messages, we hafta watch out for them. Take care and may God bless you :folded_hands:

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@Mike3018
Actually, I think this is a very good place to speculate about life after death. So many people on this website, if not all, are looking for reassurance on the subject.
Have you done any research? All through my life, if I wanted to know something I got the book. I’m retired now but have gathered quite a library over the years about all sorts of subjects.

If you are interested in some fairly well researched books I would recommend searching for Dr Raymond Moody and his Life After Life series of books. There is also Dr Eben Alexander who wrote The Map Of Heaven and quite a few books since. They both have comprehensive websites, so you can see how they deal with the subject. There are many other books to choose from though, so you won’t be short of choice.

Obviously there is no cast iron proof of life after death, if you think about it that would be counterproductive in so many ways. Actually there is no cast iron certainty about anything, even in this material world.

I lost my wife suddenly to a heart attack in December 2024 and firmly believe her spirit is still with me and watching over me.

The message in all these books is that you need to try and let Intuition override Anxiety. I think you should follow your dreams and make your Dad proud.

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Hi @Mike3018
I am religious, I lost my husband 9 months ago . He never believed in anything like he thought once you were gone that was it . I have had several dreams about him. I also found white feathers that suddenly came from nowhere. I do believe they is much more to this life then we know about. I also believe we have loved ones who watch over us . Look after yourself.

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I wonder if life is all mapped’ out for us from the moment of conception or meeting with our person’. Is there fate playing its game or will or a omnipotent Creator or just plain evil or bad luck. Forgive me; one always goes before the other but when so very young. My husband was 57. So much to bear and reckon with

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I am no way religious, I’m 50/50 on the afterlife,I clearly recognise my wife’s physical body has gone forever, I frankly put no credence in these authors who pontificate with no knowledge and make a lot of money out of grief,in my view life at best is tenuous so love every day like it’s your last​:person_shrugging:

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Hi Pooka, I think life is what we make of it, there is definitely evil in this world, my husband was also 57, we were the same age, July 4th would have been his birthday, and mine soon after that. Im gonna get older without him.:relieved_face:…and of course I think of all the things we aren’t going to do anymore, its sad …ill miss him forever, until we meet again..take care

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Hi @Pooka1968
I do believe in fate , I know one always before the other. It’s something you can never prepare yourself for . My husband was 64 when he passed away just days before his 65 birthday. Life is very cruel.

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Take care too. Your upcoming birthdays in July. I don’t want to grow into decrepitude without my Beloved; he always said you’ re a beauty" , I’m not , don’t think of myself as such but if I am to him; that’s enough, more than I could ever have dreamed

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Indeed it is. It was never going to be fair’, a lesson well earned early

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@Pooka1968

Your questions are perfectly valid and relevant to this site.
It’s a question that I ask myself every single day. “WHY”?
I lost my wonderful and amazing husband, soulmate and best friend to cancer exactly 1 year ago.
He was just 58 years old and will always remain that way, even though all we wanted in life, was to grow old together.
There is no ‘rhyme or reason’ to anything, but I feel like I need to have answers.
The cancer my Michael had (cholangiocarcinoma) is not lifestyle related, (random bad luck) he had never smoked, didn’t drink, was healthy, fit and active, until this struck, and we were thrown into the fires of hell.
We had no control whatsoever over this evil illness, treatments and the inevitable, and unavoidable outcome.
Maybe our lives are mapped out for us, maybe our life story is pre-written on our behalf, maybe there is more to this life than we know about… I honestly don’t know??
‘Living’ without the love of my life is a hell that I never knew existed.
I love and miss my husband so very much, his passing and absence from my life, has ‘paralysed’ me, I’m still in deep shock, completely grief-stricken, heartbroken, lost, sad, lonely, empty, and suffer with panic and anxiety attacks.
I cannot believe or accept what has happened and the 8 month trauma/suffering that led to it, even though I witnessed every minute of it.
Sadly, my fairytale life with the man of my dreams has turned into a living nightmare for me.
Eve x

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My husband died 10 months ago, after more than 2 years of knowing that this would be the outcome. He had plenty of time to contemplate this, but maintained that he didn’t believe in life after death.

Over the years, I have on occasion experienced connection with dead people that was so real that I believe that it happened, although it could be argued that I simply believed it to be the case. However, that cannot explain my son’s ability on this count, as he’s done it from a young age and has come to me with information and questions that he could not possibly have simply imagined.

He maintains that spirits come through when you’re not focusing on it. A few hours after my husband (his father) died, he was in his kitchen when he suddenly knew that his father was there. He said that his Dad was very happy and excited, as if he’d just discovered that there was an afterlife. He said that my husband came through a couple of further times that first week – about 20 seconds when he was pleased to see my son and I out having lunch somewhere, and about 10 seconds as we walked into the office to register his death. Apparently the first week is the time that it is easiest for them to come through.

A similar situation occurred days after his grandfather’s death. Apparently he came through together with my son’s grandmother whom he had never known. He said that they were really excited because it was the first time they had come to see him together.

I have no doubt that my husband is still with me. I’m trying to see whether an occasional sudden inexplicable light breeze over my body is a sign of this, or whether it was just coincidence in a closed cinema when something highly relevant to us came on the screen.

Over the last couple of days of his life, he showed no signs of consciousness and was breathing intermittently. However, each time his breathing resumed, he stretched his right arm upwards (he was left handed) as if reaching for something or someone. I like to think that it was his late mother.

I didn’t used to believe in an afterlife, and for a long time tried to deny what was happening to me and, above all, to my then young son. I do now believe.

My first 7 months of widowhood were awful, but things are now getting a bit easier, although I still cry most days.

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Mike, I’ve inadvertently replied to ‘HeartOfGold when I meant to reply directly to you. Please check there for my response to you on life after death.

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Dear LJ my wife died in my arms six months ago today, on Christmas day after two years of cancer treatments. The day she died she woke about six times each time she tried to hug me in her arms and she said she loved me. Her last breath was calling her mother in her own language. I hope she in her mother’s arms now. She loved her mother so much.

All the best

Tom

:hugs: :hugs:

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Thank you LJ26 for your interesting and reassuring post. I’m sure our lost loved ones stay close to us for ever.
I lost my wife in December 2024 and quite often detect little signs and coincidences that show she isn’t far away.
I think your son’s observation that spirits come through when you aren’t focusing is correct. I read a book recently by a medium who said the best way to see spirits is to de-focus your vision and look through half closed eyes. A few weeks ago I was dozing in front of the telly when I suddenly became aware of a figure in the room, I was sure it was my wife. I rapidly woke up all wide eyed but as I concentrated on the vision it sadly disappeared. I now know what to do next time.

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I have read that many ancient cultures independently developed the idea that if you had ever loved a dog in life, it would wait for you after death, and guide you to the afterlife. That would be nice. I have three pooches waiting for me, if true (and likely a few more, before my end - my current furry friend turns 13, this year).

I read about this, recently.

Years ago, I had surgery at a private hospital (NHS contract… I thought I’d see how the other half live). Anyway, the significance of that is they didn’t use the same general anaesthesia as the NHS, they use different drugs and they appear to put you down, deep! I guess it’s all about the customer experience, for them. When I woke up, I was a puddle with a head and felt very chill. Anyway, I think they put me deeper than I’d ever been because I experienced something… and it involved two of my dogs waiting, at my feet. This felt real because I never had a close relationship with the third… he always preferred his mum!

I found it interesting and something to ponder.

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